Page 84 of Losing Control

“For as long as you want. Forever.” He tightened his arms around her.

“You might not feel that way when you hear what I have to say. Please, please, please try not to hate me for not telling you before.”

“I couldn’t possibly hate you for anything.” He kissed the top of her head, his hand still stroking her arm.

He had no idea how to calm her except to cradle her against him and stroke her body, hoping his touch reassured her. His fingers sifted idly through the corn silk of her hair before his hand lowered again, following the line of her rich curves, so unexpected on such a slender body.

She took a deep breath. “The first thing I have to tell you is my real name isn’t Dana Moretti. It’s Carrie Nolan. I’m sure you recognize it.”

Cole did his best to hide the shock he felt, but he saw the realization in Dana’s eyes that he knew all too well who Carrie was. Their hazel was now greener, the thick lashes unable to hide the pain that still lived inside her.

The story she launched into chilled him to the bone. It took a long time because once she started, every detail she’d kept tucked away in her secret places came spilling out. As she described what had happened in the barn, Cole was afraid he might be sick. He was shocked to his very soul, agonizing for Dana at the nightmare she’d endured. For the first time in his life, he knew what it was like to actually want to murder someone.

But he forced himself to push his emotions aside. This wasn’t about him. This was about Dana. So, he let her talk, and he held her and rocked her and soothed her until, at last, she got it all out. Every detail. Every impression of the man. Things she’d probably buried all this time.

“Jesus,” he breathed. “No wonder you’ve been afraid of men. And sex.”

“I’ve never been able to really talk about it in detail with anyone.” She had a slight catch in her voice, and silent tears ran down her cheeks. “Not even the multitude of therapists I’ve seen since it happened. It’s like there were certain things I was too ashamed for anyone to know about me.”

“Ashamed?” His square jaw tensed. A muscle ticked in his cheek. “Why the hell would you be ashamed? You did nothing wrong.”

In a small voice, she said, “I didn’t save my sister.”

Silently, Cole cursed the pedophile, calling him every vile name he could think of. Swearing at the damage he’d done to an innocent child. Many innocent children.

“It wasn’t your fault, Dana. You have to believe that. For myself, I’m damn glad you survived so you could come into my life.” He kissed the top of her head. “Very glad.”

She chewed her bottom lip. “I’ve had the strangest feeling since the first day I got here. Cole, I think he’s here, and he’s seen me. Recognized me. It’s been like he’s watching me, waiting for something. As if he was finally going to finish me off after all these years. That’s why that thing at my house freaked me out so much.”

“I’m pretty damn sure this bastard never thought Carrie Nolan would ever come back here. Seeing you must have scared him shitless.” He brushed her hair back from her face. “He’s wondering when you’ll look at him and make the connection.”

“If he really wants to kill me, why would he trash my house and tell me to leave? If I did go, I’d be out of his reach.”

“To scare you. Put you off your guard, so he could get closer to you. The thing he didn’t expect was that I’d bring you here to stay with me.”

She frowned. “Do you think he knows?”

“I didn’t exactly broadcast it, but you know yourself this is a small community. Just in case, I’ll have the deputies come by regularly while they’re out covering the county.

“I should have insisted my parents let me talk to the police.” She was trembling again. “I could have done something.”

“Are you kidding? You were a child. Dana, listen to me.” He tightened his hold, his cheek pressed to her hair. “None of this was your fault. None of it.”

She leaned her head against his chest again, her tears soaking his shirt. “But I didn’t save Kylie. I was the big sister, and I didn’t help her.”

Oh, god. How much guilt had eaten her up all these years? How had she even survived? No wonder she lived with a wall around herself, working every day not to fall apart, seeking salvation as she helped others in similar situations.

“You were seven years old, darlin’. You could barely save yourself.”

She shook her head against his chest. “No, I was the one who told her we could go. It’s my fault, Cole. My parents always knew it.”

“Wait.” He tipped her face up so he could see it. With his thumb, he wiped away the tears glistening on her cheeks. “Are you telling me your parents blamed you for what happened?”

“Not in so many words. But I was the older sister. I knew better than to go off with strangers.”

“Oh, Dana. What a mess people made of your life.” He kissed the top of her head. “I’m thinking your parents didn’t know how to handle their own grief, so they dumped it on you. But never, ever blame yourself for what happened.”

“It’s been so hard,” she whispered.

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