He turned off the TV and sank into the armchair next to the couch. With his long legs spread apart, his big body slouched against the cushions, he was breathtaking. But she couldn’t focus on that right now. Everything hinged on whatever came out of his mouth next.
“You’re right, there was something else.”
Her entire body froze. You asked for this, she reminded herself. Keep breathing.
“About a week before that conversation, I blacked out at a club and woke up with a girl on my lap. We were mostly dressed, and I don’t think I could have done anything anyway, that’s how drunk I was. But when you asked me that question, if I’d cheated, I couldn’t say for sure.”
Her voice clogged in her throat. She couldn’t say a word.
“After our conversation I went back to the bar and went around questioning people. What’d I do? Who was I with? Trying to fill in the holes. No one said anything about me leaving, or fucking anyone. They said I was a little out of control, dancing and drinking too much, but that was it. That girl…I didn’t remember her at all. When I woke up, she talked like we were dating or something. It was freaky. She wanted me to call her. Remember when I said I lost my phone and had to change my number? It was because of her.”
Jesus. Her instincts had been right.
“So that night, when I asked you if you’d cheated—”
“I said no.” His gaze lifted to hers, then dropped again.
“But you couldn’t be a hundred percent sure.”
“Right. I didn’t want to lie to you. I figured it wasn’t really a lie, because as far as I knew, I’d never done anything with anyone. I’d never chosen to, never tried to, never wanted to. But maybe…” He shrugged, shaking his head again.
“Maybe I picked up on some…uncertainty?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry. I probably should have just…told you the whole thing. But you were already so stressed out about everything.”
“About you,” she corrected.
“About me. I knew I wasn’t cheating. At least, I did up until that night. I still don’t think anything happened, but I couldn’t fucking remember. And that girl was sketchy as hell. I didn’t even find her attractive. I guess it’s all fun and games until you wake up with a stranger in your lap.”
He attempted a wry smile, but didn’t entirely succeed.
“That hole in my memory, it shook me up. It’s part of why I quit drinking. I’d never blacked out like that before. It’s still the most horrifying moment of my life. And I’m including all those fucked-up moments with my mother when she drank.”
Jenna’s heart went out to him, the way it always did when he mentioned his mother. He had deserved so much better; all the Cooper brothers had. But Billy, as the youngest, had been the most vulnerable, in her opinion.
She slid to the end of the couch closest to him and leaned over the arm to take his hand. “Did it ever occur to you that you might have been drugged that night?”
His head shot up and he stared at her with shock in his eyes. “Drugged? Why? Who?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe you drank from the wrong glass. Or maybe someone was trying to rob you, or mess with you. Sabotage the Twins shortstop. Or extort you. Those are just the reasons off the top of my head.”
“You and your morbid imagination.”
“Don’t you watch any crime shows? Stuff like that happens all the time.”
A line appeared between his eyebrows as he focused on the memory. “I had to run to the bathroom and vomit my guts out. I just figured it was bad whisky mixed with too many French fries.”
“Oof.”
“It was vile. Still don’t really like French fries.”
She tilted her head at him. “Do you think I’m way off base here?”
“Baseball metaphor. Two points,” he said absently. “No, I think you might be right. I felt like shit, not just the next day but for a while.”
Gently, she brought up the other thing that his story had made her think about. “It must have triggered stuff from your childhood.”
His eyes lifted to hers, suddenly alert. “Fuck, you’re right. It was the kind of thing my mother used to do. Black out, do shit she didn’t remember. No wonder it scared the crap out of me. No wonder I was so ashamed and embarrassed. That was why I didn’t tell you. But I should have.”