Page 66 of The Burnt Heart

“You won’t tell me shit, but they obviously know.” He waved his hand to the door, where my guys had left hours before. “You trustthemto have your back more than me?”

Logan, Jesse, and Briar knew as much as I did about what was happening. Did I trust them?

Yes.

With my safety, with my protection? Yes. I admitted it to myself, recalling the load that lifted when I’d told them. It had been dizzying, having the burden shared. They took it without complaint, took everything I gave them. Yes, I trusted them, even after everything that had happened. I knew they would have my back. Jesse took a bullet for me. Where was Jonah when that happened? I wanted to trust him, but there were too many instances where he could work against me. I was sure Harold Donato was behind this, but I still hadn’t heard from Ray. That I had allowed him so close to me chilled my anger. I had to be strategic, like they had been. A part of me was happy to pass myself over for their keeping. To be held in their hands. Some deep part of me knew they would always have my back.

It was my heart I didn’t trust them with.

Jonah clenched his jaw, bothered by my continued silence.

“Message received, boss.” He shook his head, stiff as he passed me to the kitchen. But he paused and looked back at me. “You’ll always have my loyalty and respect, Adelaide, no matter what.My pride stings a bit that you don’t include me in your inner circle, considering how long we’ve known each other. But do me a favor. Those guys would do anything for you. Hell, Jesse took a bullet for you. So, keep them close. Whoever is coming at you will have to go through them and me.”

He left the room, and moments later, I heard the front door open and shut. It was a soft click, reproachful. Like I hadn’t earned the full force of a slam. His quiet disappointment was more than enough to rankle me. Jonah was so irritated with me he’d taken up the post outside. I couldn’t blame him. He was a man of few words, and each one was weighty. I hated hurting him, he was part of my inner circle, but right now I didn’t trust anyone. Paranoia had taken control of my mind, and I couldn’t apologize for that. It was what kept me safe, alive. I knew deep down Jonah understood that. My mood had soured, though, the heaviness of my current situation sinking in. I wondered where the boys were. I missed the distraction of their presence. My feet drew me down the hall to Briar’s bedroom. I hadn’t been in any of their rooms for months. Being back in the apartment still felt strange. A mixture of comfort and prickly unknown, like the fabric of the place had shifted, and the air changed. It was heavier in my lungs.

Maybe I was just different.

Briar wore the same cologne, had for years. It was Carolina Herrera, Bad Boy. A gift from me, tongue in cheek because there wasn’t a bad bone in his body. He was a consummate rule follower. The spicy scent filled my nostrils as I sank into the bed. The sheets were pulled tight, his bookcase organized by genre, overflowing. I curled up on his bed and looked at his bedside table. He had his journal there. He still wrote me letters, leaving the journal out for me with a note when there was a new one. My gaze wandered to the wall opposite his bed. A strangled gasp choked my throat when I saw what was hanging there. I vaultedout of the bed, racing over, so I could look at it closely. A wooden square, the sides smoothed and varnished. In the middle of it was a rustic heart with our initials. Jesse carved them years ago, wanting to mark the first time we made love. He wanted to mark the place we’d met, where we’d shared so many of our firsts.

Our tree from Calder Place. Removed, before I could demolish it. I reached out and ran my fingers over the groove of the carving. My chest hurt, too full suddenly. Ribs couldn’t contain how my heart swelled. Somehow Briar, or all of them, had preserved the etching. Squirreled it away to hang in view of his bed. Every night he could go to sleep looking at it.

“Adelaide?”

I turned to see Briar. His fingers curled around the doorway, tension tight in his long, elegant fingers.

“You stole our tree,” I blurted out, and he huffed a surprised laugh, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You were going to knock it down, I believe, and I didn’t want to lose the memory of our beginning. It’s too important.”

He shuffled in, watching me carefully. I let my finger trace the groove on the wood, sifting for the words I needed.

“Do you know how damn angry I was when I came to Calder Place and saw it had already been removed? It shouldn’t have even mattered. My site supervisor looked at me like I was losing it. He didn’t understand why I wanted a tree I was going to cut down. I’m glad you saved it,” I admitted. The warmth from Briar’s arm pressed against mine and we both stared at this symbol of our love.

“Me too. I needed something to give me hope. To remind me of the good times. Bonus is, I always go to sleep thinking about you.” His smile was lopsided.

“How did you do it?” The wood felt cool under my hand, and I laced my fingers behind my back. The sight and feel of it hypnotized me. Briar sighed, ducking his head at my movement.

“It doesn’t matter. Would you stay for a moment, talk to me?” He could see the way I was leaning toward the door. Muscles coiled in readiness to flee. I perched on the end of the bed instead, as if I needed to prove I could. Briar settled beside me, picking at his nails. I waited as the silence drew taut like a bowstring. He carded a hand through his dark curls, the flecks in his eyes golden.

“I’ve learned a lot, starting therapy. We’ve apologized for the hurt we caused you, but I haven’t apologized properly for the other things I’d done. Not enough.” He looked grim. “You were right about Nicole, but I didn’t listen to you. My therapist called it enmeshment, but it’s more complicated than that.”

His skin was sickly pale, blue tendons scrawled under his skin like knotted ribbons. My palms were clammy, so I forced them into fists. It was the last thing I expected him to say.

“I’ve never thought about her in that way before you or after. Never wished I was spending time with her. I never thought about her outside of when she contacted me. There has been no one I’ve ever felt like that about, except you. There never will be. But I confided in Nicole. I told her private things about our lives, about you. I crossed a boundary, and I hadn’t even realized. Leaning on Nicole was a habit I cultivated in the foster home, for more than one reason.”

“You dismissed me every time I mentioned her. That destroyed me, Briar.” I picked at my cuticles. I couldn’t look at him. The gold in his eyes had always felt like treasure. I couldn’t drown in it right now. The pain was there, ever present, but it didn’t flood me like it had in the past. It created clarity. Let me see him with clear eyes, with logic. His shoulders bowed, and he nodded, shrinking further.

“I didn’t listen to you, you’re right. I’m sorry. When I was in the foster home, there was a...” His voice roughened andfaltered. He cradled his head, tugging on the end of his curls. Wet breaths echoed in the room.

“I feel you killed what we had, bit by bit, no matter what I said,” I admitted, throat tight. “You all broke up with me, but we were falling apart before then. I just stood by and let it happen. That’s not me. She was able to get in between us because we were already broken.”

My voice broke and Briar surged forward, clutching my hands in his. Desperate heat pulsed between us, throbbing like an infected wound. There was poison in us that needed to be leeched out, but how?

“She didn’t get between us. Please, Nicole isn’t anything to me but a shield. I don’t know how to do this.” His fingers trembled, hooking around mine like he needed the comfort. Gold and green flashed, forest at dusk. “It was a summer storm. I remember the crack of thunder. The raindrops made goosebumps on my skin. Huge suckers. I thought I was having an allergic reaction to the rain.” He sniffed, head drifting to the side as he sunk into his memories.

“What does this have to do with Nicole?” I said, clenching my jaw. Briar’s hands trembled in mine, the only sign of his anxiety. His smile was almost serene, and he let out a shuddering breath.

“Just let me get this out. I’ve been holding this in for years. But I can’t let it fester and ruin anything else in my life. I was walking home from the skatepark. Jesse and Logan had been grounded for taking food out of the fridge. So, I was all alone. Easy pickings.” He mused, with a curl in his lip. “A car pulled up beside me. He offered me a ride, which I took, because what fifteen-year-old thinks they’re a target? His name was Alex, and he didn’t take me home. At least not until he was done with me.”

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