Page 59 of The Burnt Heart

“Logan...” I wanted that too, but nausea rolled in my stomach. If I kissed Logan, that would be it. I couldn’t think of Jesse or Briar’s lips against mine. Lately, all I did was imagine them lying me down, stripping off my clothes and taking me. My heart was caged, caught by three men who I had stumbled upon.They’d become my best friends. I couldn’t imagine life without them. They were what I looked forward to, their messages and presence. I didn’t realize how adrift I was until I had them anchoring me. But as time went on, I realized what this feeling was.

I liked them. All three of them. I was falling hard for three different guys.

Briar was sweet and comforting.

Jesse made me laugh and challenged me.

Logan took my worries and made me feel safe.

They all gave me something different, puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together. Our friendship was growing into something more. It was hard to deny the small, lingering touches. The heat that built from sitting close together and eyes filled with want.

But I desired all of them and that wasn’t possible.

I pulled back, everything screaming in me to stay. A flash of frustration and hurt flattened Logan’s lips. Like he regretted being honest with me. I wanted to clutch at his curling hands, reassure him. But if I touched him, I knew I wouldn’t be able to say no to the more he was offering. It wasn’t fair of me to play with them like this. These feelings were cruel, and I shouldn’t encourage them.

“I should go.” I gathered my things. Threads of emotion swirled wildly inside of me, and I grabbed at the frayed edges, stuffing them behind the impenetrable walls in my mind. This couldn’t happen. I wouldn’t break up their friendship.

“Adelaide, don’t,” Logan’s voice cracked as he scrambled to his feet. The sweet, perfect moment shattered, and I knew it was all my fault.

“Say hi to–” I swallowed. “–Briar and Jesse for me.” I tossed a conciliatory smile before racing down the well-worn path back to my house.

I didn’t want to say goodbye. But what I felt for them was spilled sunlight, warm, glorious and fading as it set. I had been seconds away from kissing Logan. If I did that, it would ruin everything between the four of us. I couldn’t pretend what I felt was innocent anymore. I had to put a stop to it before we all got torn apart. They’d already suffered enough. If I let myself have what I wanted, it would mean they would become a part of my world. That scared me as much as the tender emotions blooming in my heart.

Everything about this led to disaster. It was better to walk away.

One month later

I wondered if their hearts ached as much as mine did right now. The cowardly way I’d run pinched like an unshed cocoon over my skin. I couldn’t move on. Stuck in the murky no man’s land of feelings that I hadn’t even voiced.

“You’re not concentrating,” my grandmother’s clipped voice drew me back into the room. Her diminutive stature didn’t make her thinned disapproval sting any less. I sighed and waved a limp hand at the pressed biscuit base.

“I’m sorry.” Her thin hands held out the mixing bowl as I took over stirring. Her lips flattened as she eased onto a stool at the kitchen bench.

“You haven’t had your head on right for a month. How do you expect to hold the respect of the men who work for you if you can’t stop mooning over a boy?”

Three men.I wanted to add, but it wasn’t the time or the place. My grandmother’s words stuck like sand in a crevice, rubbing and itching at vulnerable, unreachable places. Her black hair had streaks of gray now, but she was still fierce. She kepther emotions locked tight, only visible when she truly lost her temper. Anita Orazio wasn’t warm. Not like my mom had been. Warmth didn’t keep you alive in this world, not kindness or sweetness. Only strength.

“I apologize.” I dropped my head, wiping it clean of emotion.

“You are worth ten of that pretty boy.” My grandmother softened slightly. “Don’t let his foolish words get in your head. I’m glad the marriage didn’t happen. Our family doesn’t need to be joined tothosepeople.”

The Donatos. In my grandfather’s reign, there had been all out war between our families. It would continue to simmer until we found some common ground. Our reach was too powerful for them to destroy. I didn’t care about Raimondo Donato. He was an arrogant ass, and his ego would be his downfall at some point. I hadn’t given him a second thought since he unceremoniously rejected me. What would my grandmother think of Jesse, Logan, and Briar? She hadn’t approved of my mom. Even though she cried as we buried her at the greenhouse. She’d swiped a tear away as if it offended her. Looking at my father like it was his fault.

“Should never have put a weapon in her hand. She didn’t have the spine for it.”

Is that what my grandmother thought when she looked at me? A soft hand, one who would break before she could wield control of Greenich Bay. My jaw tightened as I ground my teeth. I had my future to think about, my legacy, and the only thing stuffing my head was three men. I was a mess. Even if I could choose, which I wouldn’t, they didn’t belong in my world.

“How did you know you were in love?” I changed the subject. My grandmother’s dark eyes slid to the doorway where my grandfather was leaning. He raised a gray threaded eyebrow.

“Yes, my wife, when did you know you loved me?” He strolled in, dropping a kiss on the top of her head. She bristled at the action, her lip quirking slightly.

“When I didn’t want to poison him to death anymore.”

My grandfather let out a low chuckle, peering at the slice we were putting together. He eyed it warily.

“Are these safe to eat?”

“They’re not laced with poison. I insisted we bake something we can enjoy for once,” I teased, the heaviness in my chest shifting slightly. My grandfather rubbed his hands gleefully while my grandmother grumbled under her breath.

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