Page 9 of Taming the Rockstar

Once you’ve had one smoothie bowl in one of those revamped industrial garages with an up-and-coming actress, you’ve had them all. I ate a spoonful of pulverized blueberry and granola and chastised myself.

Eve was nice enough. She was still young—which meant the industry had yet to chew her up and spit her out—with wide blue eyes, a trim waist, and perky tits.

We met at the wrap party for season one of the hit teen drama, 'Were Are They Now', following a wily gang of entrepreneurial teenage werewolves. Eve played the love interest and wore a Missoni jumpsuit that showed off her sumptuous ass.

The only reason I was even there that night was because of Apollo’s gig as a music supervisor for the first season, and I wanted to be supportive. The fact that I slipped her my number was a bonus. I wanted to have a little fun.

Contrary to popular belief, my job as a guitarist did not mean I ended up with a different woman in my bed every night, at least not when I was home from tour.

Things with Eve had been fun. She was great in bed, but as she prattled on, biting her plump lips that she insisted were free of lip fillers, I realized we had absolutely nothing in common.

I studied a print of a persimmon tree on the wall behind her and begged my phone to buzz.

“So, do you want to go?” she asked.

“Where? Oh, right. Sah-steamy. When is it again? I’m so sorry, love. I’d lose my head if it wasn’t screwed onto my shoulders,” I apologized and then mentally chastised myself for making fun of Eve for getting lip fillers.

I was a formerly coked-up entertainer in my mid-fifties. No shit, I’d done Botox. Now I felt like an asshole. I was an inattentive asshole, but oh God, I realized as a clod of dread settled in my stomach:

Eve was an actress, but she was fucking boring! Actresses were boring! They were all-night shoots and ten-step skincare routines. I hated that shit! I’d rather stab my eye with a fork than hear about the benefits of glycolic acid.

“It’s next Tuesday,” Eve said.

“Shit, love, that’s when the tour starts,” I said. Now was my chance. I reached across the table and placed my hand on her wrist.

“Oh, baby! I’m so excited for you to get back out on the road! How cool!” she squealed.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that,” I started, trying to tread lightly.

Eve’s face fell, and her perfect brows crumpled. “What do you mean?”

“Eve, you’re a great girl, but I think we need to end this,” I said, gently, still questioning in my head if we were evenofficially a thing. Eve sniffled. Tears threatened to spill from the corners of her eyes.

“B-b-but why? Long distance isn’t a problem for me!” she insisted. The waiter reappeared and wordlessly placed a wooden bowl full of edamame beside her.

“I know you think that, love. But it’s so much harder than it looks. In three weeks, when I’m calling you from a gas station at 1 a.m., you won’t be thinking that. I don’t want to trap you. I don’t want you to be stuck waiting by the phone for me to call; that’s not fair to you,” I explained. For the first time in two weeks, I was being sincere with Eve.

Eve was crying now, full-on blubbering. Fat tears stained the white tablecloth. “I won’t just let us go,” she stated, determination in her voice.

“What do you mean?” I asked. I was stunned.

“We can’t just end things. We’re... we’re meant for each other,” Eve declared, her lips setting into a stubborn line.

“Can a breakup be one-sided?”

“I think we’re about to find out,” Lyndsey says. I panic and grab her hand. To my surprise, Lyndsey didn’t wrench it away.

“Lyndsey,” I ask. “Would you do me a favor?”

“It depends on the favor,” Lyndsey says.

“Pretend to be my girlfriend,” I beg. I know it’s a harebrained scheme, but I’m desperate.

Lyndsey stops in her tracks. “What?! Are you insane?”

“Not insane, just desperate. Please? I’ll do your laundry for a month. I’ll switch bunks with you! I know the bottom one is like sleeping on a brick. I slept on it on the last tour!” I beg.

Lyndsey’s brow furrows in concentration. “Yes, but you have to do the grocery shopping for the bus for the next month.”

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