Page 29 of A Christmas Road Trip

“I know. Sorry about that.”

“Why are you sorry?” He seems to have gotten himself under control now. He looks more like his normal self. He pushes a hand through his messy hair.

“We shouldn’t have done that.”

“Oh. Okay.” He blinks a few times and seems to shake something off. “Okay, if you don’t want to do it again, then we won’t. No worries.”

I stare at him.

“You ready to get going?” he asks.

My mouth opens. No words come out.

“Paige? There’s really nothing to worry about it. It was a kiss. No big deal.”

“Okay. No big deal.” I don’t really believe it, but it feels safer to say the words. I let Chase guide me out of the building and into the cold evening air.

I go through the steps of normalcy, but there’s a tangle of confusion in my mind.

And at the moment I’m not sure it will ever get cleared up again.

Five

CHASE: You ok?

Paige: Yes. Fine.

Chase: You’ve been in the bathroom a long time.

Paige. Took a shower.

Chase: I know but been a long time since the water turned off.

Chase: You’re not in there getting all upset, are you?

Paige: No.

Chase: It feels like you’re crying.

Paige: You can’t possibly know that!

Chase: So you are crying?

Chase: Please don’t cry.

Paige: I’m not!

Chase: Please come out.

CHASE WAS RIGHT, AS he almost always is about me. I was crying in the bathroom. I took a shower before bed in an attempt to pull myself together after the kiss, and for some reason I started bawling under the spray.

I’ve spent the minutes since I got out brushing and flossing my teeth, going through my skin regime, and pulling on my green fleece pajama pants and matching T-shirt with a big wreath on the front.

Instead of going back out to the bathroom, I sit down on the closed lid of the toilet and hug my arms to my stomach, trying to settle the chaos in my mind.

Chase acted perfectly normal on our walk back to the car and the drive back to the inn. I asked him if he wanted to use the restroom first, and he said he was fine. So I went into the bathroom while he stretched out on top of his covers with his earbuds in.

When he starts texting me, checking to see if I’m okay and asking me to come back out, I feel guilty on top of everything else, so I find the courage to join him in the bedroom.

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