Page 61 of A Crown this Cold and Heavy

It wasn’t unheard of for the fates to meddle in dreams. I’d imagined it was simply because Lorian had played such a huge part in my life. Meeting him had set off the chain of events that had allowed me to rescue Asinia, save the hybrids in the castle, and accept that I really was the hybrid queen.

But from the predatory focus in Lorian’s eyes, the fact that I’d dreamed of him was more important than I’d thought.

He met my gaze unflinchingly. “It’s a sign. That we could be mates. While fae men often have the Knowing before their mates, the women occasionally recognize their mates when they meet them…”

“Because they’ve dreamed of them.”

He nodded. A hint of what might have been panic slid through his eyes, almost too fast for me to catch.

But I had caught it. Lorian was desperately terrified of losing me over this. My stomach tumbled, but I forced myself to stay focused.

I remembered mumbling that I’d dreamed of him one night when we were traveling. “And did you know?”

Silence.

“Lorian. Did you know?”

“I believe some part of me knew. The fact that you saw through my glamour in the castle… It was a sign. A sign I ignored. Because I didn’t want to know, Prisca.”

I let out a hollow laugh. Well, that made more sense. Why would he tell me about something he had rejected?

He caught my hand, ignoring me as I attempted to yank it away. “Not because I didn’t want you. Gods, no. I’d never dreamed I would have a mate. After everything I’ve done, I imagined such a gift was reserved for those whose hands weren’t covered in blood. I ignored any signs of our mating—even though all I wanted was you.”

“Why?”

“Because I knew I wasn’t worthy of being a mate. I could never be worthy of you. By the time the knowledge had truly hit me, I was in love with you. And I knew I would never recover if you stayed with me simply because of our mating. I needed you to choose me, Prisca. Because I would choose you ten thousand times over, every day for the rest of my life.”

My heart thudded until it felt as if it might fly out of my chest. A strange lightness had filled me, urging me to pull him onto the bed and forget everything else.

I was a mess of competing feelings. Fury, because he’d kept something from me again. An all-encompassing love, because, despite myself, I couldn’t imagine living without him. Understanding, because I’d met Conreth, I’d learned about Lorian’s past, and I knew why he didn’t feel worthy of happiness.

But I couldn’t stay with someone who kept hiding the truth from me. Something in me had changed in that cell. I felt both stronger and more brittle.

“How many more lies, Lorian?”

“There are none,” he swore. His eyes hardened. “Let me be clear, wildcat. You can take all the time you need to forgive me, but you’re mine. I’ll wait for you to realize that too. No matter how long it takes.”

Stubborn fae. My head was spinning.

“Give me a few minutes.”

Lorian’s hands fisted, as if it was taking everything in him not to reach for me. But he nodded.

Turning away, I gazed unseeingly out the window. I couldn’t explain all of my feelings—even to myself. Because even though I was furious Lorian had kept the information from me, something like elation had made my heart trip and my lungs expand.

I wouldn’t have to worry that he’d meet his mate one day and look at me with regret.

I could keep him.

I’d spent so much time picturing what would happen when we won this war—and we would. I would take the hybrid throne and stabilize my kingdom. But Lorian would stay at his brother’s side. Where his true loyalties lay.

It was why I’d been wary of getting too close, even if I hadn’t admitted it to myself. I’d decided our story would end in misery. Seeing the potential life we could have had…it would only make the heartbreak worse.

But then, when I was in that cell, desperate to see his face just one last time, I’d…loathed every moment I’d wasted. Each second I hadn’t spent in his arms had seemed almost offensive.

War made things clear. The threat of losing the people I loved had thrown my priorities into sharp focus.

I was furious with Lorian and would likely be furious for some time. Some part of me would always wonder if he was mine because he’d loved me first or because fate had determined he would love me.

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