Page 90 of Touch Me

I set my laptop bag down and sink into my chair. “Oh my god, please don’t make a big deal out of this,” I plead.

“Are you insane? It’s been months.” Ashley leans in and whispers, “I bet you exploded and rocketed yourself right off his cock.”

I look around nervously to see if anyone can hear us. “Will you keep it down? Jesus.” I bury my face in my hands. “And we didn’t have sex. We just messed around.”

“Spill it.” Jen scoots her chair closer. “We need details.”

“Did you take any pictures?” Ashley motions to my phone.

“No, I didn’t take any pictures.” I slide down in my chair, trying to disappear. “My god.”

“Why not?” She scrunches her face up and tilts her head. “Were you not cleaned up for the occasion? I know you weren’t expecting it, so you probably let it go all cavewoman down there, huh?” She twirls her finger in the vicinity of my crotch. “I have a lady, I can make you an appointment. She even does emergencies.”

I cover my eyes with my hands as if not seeing her would make this conversation end. “I’m not in need of an emergent intervention. I shave regularly, thank you very much.”

“Shave? No, no, no. You’ve got yourself set on a tortuous path.” She wags her finger at me. “Let me make a call.” She grabs her phone.

“Ashley, that's really not necessary. I think I do a pretty good job.” I shrug, looking down as if I can see it through my pants.

“You want no hair, nowhere.” She swipes her hand through the air to exaggerate her point. “From the cootie to the pootie, smooth as silk.”

They all stare, waiting for my reply.

“Trust me, when things get all slippery down there, and everything is unobstructed...” Jen leaves the sentence open-ended with a raised eyebrow, and Ashley still has her phone poised in her hand, finger at the ready.

I look around at the others, seeking any objections. I slouch further in my chair and close my eyes. “Make the call.”

“Hell yes.” Ashley doesn’t hesitate to dial.

TWENTY-THREE

CASSIE, CASSIE, CASSIE

I've spentthe morning trying to work but scenes of yesterday flash through my mind like a projector. A porn projector. Cassie, with her hair stuck to the sides of her face in steamy lust, Cassie with her hair fanned out on my pillow, Cassie with her hands on her nipples.

Cassie, Cassie, Cassie.

You would think having had my first ever orgasm my dick would be obedient for once, but the damn thing has been at full mast all day thinking about her.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. Should I buy her flowers or something? Sex flowers? Is that a thing? Or girlfriend flowers? That’s definitely a thing. Does there have to be an occasion for that? I really need some help in the boyfriend department.

An idea pops into my head and I immediately reach for my phone.

Me:

Hey, you busy?

Max:

Just wrangling a 5 year old and a horse who thinks he can fit on the unicorn pool floatie. What’s up?

Me:

I need some advice. Girl advice.

Max:

And I need help with these 2 before the unicorn drowns and I have to plan a full memorial service. Pick up a six pack on your way.

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