Page 14 of Touch Me

Utter humiliation.

I got in shape for myself. Not that I need to prove anything. It feels good to accomplish something I didn’t think was possible. And I find it calms my brain. I found something I enjoyed that not only fatigued my body, but fatigued my brain from its usual chaos enough to allow sleep. Something that never came easily.

I slow the treadmill to a walk to calm my breathing before turning it off and heading for the squat rack, adding weights to the bar and getting in position. Just as I’m about to lift the bar and rest it on my shoulders, Cassie walks in dressed in some short spandex shorts and a fucking sports bra that barely contains her.

Christ.

Don’t react. Keep your eyes on the mirror and watch your form. No need to make a big deal out of this. I told her she could use the gym. For some reason, the scenario of her being here at the same time as me, wearingthat, never occurred to me. But now that it is occurring,right this minute, it’s no big deal. I can handle this. As long as she doesn’t talk to me, or get close enough for me to smell her. I can totally handle this. No problem.

“Hey, Jace.”

Fuck.

Turning to look over my shoulder, I grip the bar as if it holds some secret that will burst out and save me if I can just manage to crack it open. “Yeah.”

I find her straddling the track of the treadmill, pushing random buttons. “How do you turn this thing on?”

Straddling. Of course, that word pops into my head. Now I’m picturing her in those tight fucking shorts straddling my lap with her tits in my face.

I groan and squeeze the bar in frustration, and her face falls immediately.Shit, I didn’t mean to do that out loud.

“Just push the manual button, then hit start if you want to run. Or you can select one of the programmed interval workouts, and it will run you through a series of hills with different incline and resistance settings.”

She forces a smile and diverts her eyes. “Thanks, I won’t bother you again.”

I pull a towel off the rack and rub it down my face. My gut feels heavy, the guilt settling like lead. “It’s no bother. Sorry, I’m just not used to anyone being here.”

She steps off the treadmill and her hands land on her hips. “I don’thaveto be here. I can find somewhere else. It’s really not a problem.”

Oh shit.

The heaviness in my gut makes its way up to my chest, causing a weird ache behind my ribs.

“Your sister seems to think this is a great idea. It’s obvious that it isn’t,” she spits out as she turns to leave.

“Wait, Cass. Don’t go.” I stalk toward her, arm outstretched, my hand itching to snag her wrist. I pull back, grabbing the towel around my neck with both hands and holding on for dear life.Don’t touch her.Shaking my head, I focus just above her rigid form, near the door. “This is my issue, not yours.”

“Well, ifmybeing here is causingyourissue, then it’s my problem too.” We stare at each other for a beat. “Look, it’s clear that you’re uncomfortable with me here. It’s not your fault, don’t worry about it. I’ve got options.”

She turns to leave, and I watch in slow motion as my hand catches her around the wrist. She drops her eyes to my grip and inhales sharply. I watch as her chest heaves up and down. Her eyes come back to study my face, a look of shock and curiosity in her eyes as her tongue darts out to wet her lips. And though I try, I can’t hold back the grimace.

My arm vibrates as I harshly discard her arm, and she lets out a whimper. I can feel her eyes on me as I turn around and look at my treacherous hands, silently cursing their betrayal. She huffs a breath and I turn just in time to see her head for the door with an exaggerated eye roll.

Jesus, I can’t get anything right.

The last thing I want to do is make her feel rejected. Nothing could be further from the truth. It’s been a long time since I touched anyone. As much as I’ve wished for the reaction to be different, my skin still tightens, my muscles all contract simultaneously, and my blood runs hot in my veins. My body starts to hum and vibrate until my teeth ache from clenching, black spots darkening my vision. I wasn’t thinking when I reached out and grabbed her. I didn’t want her to leave without me explaining that she isn’t the issue. Which I just turned into her leaving feeling like she’s the issue.

I’m such a shit.

I catch up with her on the stairs. “Cassie, wait.”

She throws a hand up over her shoulder to ward off my advances and doesn’t stop. She rounds the corner toward her room. Wait, when did it becomeherroom?

It’s been less than a day.

“Please, wait. Let me explain.” Why am I begging her to stay? I was just thinking how hard this was going to be, and now I’m asking her to stay? It’s going to be torture for me. Unbearable for her. It would be easier to let her go. So, why do I find that idea unacceptable?

I’ve never wanted anyone to stay. No one has been welcome in my life or my home. But this isn’t just anyone. It’s Cassie.My Cassie. The girl that represents all I want but can never have. The girl that enters my thoughts when I allow my mind to drift. The pink, puffy lips, the smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose. The shimmering green eyes that are nothing but fire as she stands in front of me, silently fuming.

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