“We were going to do it together,” I gritted out. “We said we’d do it together, when we were both ready. That’s why we’re both here. So we’re safe until we’re ready.”
Lonan sneered. “I don’t need you to do it, Ash. I can do it without you. I have been staying here for you, not for me. I don’t want or need to be here.”
I flinched, but the pain from the fresh wound caused by his words was dull and muted beneath the fury still flooding my veins. “Well tough shit. This is where you are, and this is where you’re staying, because this is where you’re safe.”
His nostrils flared. “You can’t keep me here. You can’t stop me.”
“Yes, Lonan. I can.” I fumbled with the chain around my neck and held up the tiny feather pendant, something cruel and calculating and fae guiding me. “You still owe me a favour.”
He froze. For the first time, Lonan looked afraid as his gaze locked onto the pendant. His throat bobbed. Then defiant anger flooded his expression, drawing his dark brows together as he gave me a haughty look.
“You wouldn’t do that.” If I hadn’t known him so well, I would have missed the tiny thread of uncertainty edging his otherwise utterly sure tone. “That’s not you, Ash. You don’t really want to trap me here.”
I let out a rough, hysterical laugh. “I thought I was a monster trying to train you into being my obedient pet. Wouldn’t this be exactly the kind of thing I’d do according to you, Lonan?”
Lonan’s nostrils flared. He jerked his chin at the favour. “If you use that to keep me trapped here, you are no better than her.”
I saw red.
“Stop fucking comparing me to her,” I shouted, my hand shaking as I enclosed the pendant in my fist.
“So what is your plan, Ash?” Lonan was breathing hard as he stared at me, black eyes snapping with cold fury. “Keep me trapped here forever? Never let me become king? Do you like the fact that your power is creeping into the forest? Do you want to take over both courts like she does?”
“Maybe I do,” I snarled back, and in that moment I wasn’t sure if it was true or not. “Maybe that would be better for everyone.”
If I had both, Lonan wouldn’t need to become king. He could stay here with me. Suddenly, it seemed like the perfect idea.
“Maybe if you’re already so convinced that I’m just like her, I’ll become just like her.” I was barely even paying attention to the hot, furious words spewing from my mouth. “Why not? It’s not like anything I do even matters, is it? The Higher Spirits decide it all for us.” I sneered the words.
Lonan stared at me, his chest heaving with furious breaths, his face flushed and damp with sweat. “If you use the favour to trap me here, we can’t go back from that,” he bit out. “You will change everything between us.”
I was shaking with anger, but my vision blurred when hot tears sprang into my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. “I’ll change everything between us? I will? What about everything you’ve just said to me, Lonan? You just told me that being here with me feels like you’re rotting and that you don’t even want to be here. You just said I’m trying to make you my fucking pet dog. You just accused me of trying to control you like she did.”
Through the angry tears, I saw Lonan flinch and step back, a hint of regret creeping into his gaze. For a moment, I wondered if he was going to apologise for his cruel words. And then I would apologise for mine, and we could calm down and try and talk about this all when our tempers weren’t running so high. I didn’t want to fight with him. I never wanted to fight with him.
Then he squared his shoulders and lifted his chin, that familiar blank mask falling over his features and obscuring everything he was feeling. “This is pointless.”
I stayed perfectly still for a second as his words sank in, then choked on a disbelieving breath. “What?”
He gestured between us, his hand shaking, but his voice was completely, utterly emotionless when he spoke. “Talking about this is pointless.”
“What?” I repeated incredulously. “N-no it’s not. How else are we going to resolve this?”
“I’m done.” He strode for the door.
Panic choked me. “What do you mean? What does that mean? Where are you going? We need to talk about this.”
He didn’t answer, opening the bedroom door and slipping into the hallway.
“Where are you going?” I repeated as I stumbled after him, the panic making my voice loud and unsteady. “You’re not fucking leaving, Lonan.”
“I’m going to the training ring.”
I didn’t believe him.
“Promise me,” I bit out. “Promise me you won’t leave. Vow it.”
Lonan said nothing as he pushed open the doors leading out of our quarters. Pure terror clashed with the anger still pumping through my veins, making my vision cloudy.