Page 54 of P.S. I Miss You

“Can I ask you something?” he signs.

I nod.

“Do you like my brother?”

I almost choke on my spit, but he waits with patience painted on his sweet face.

I glance to the side and contemplate my response. It needs to be carefully crafted, something a fourteen-year-old could understand because this situation is complicated.

The first time I met him, I couldn’t stand him, but then he began to grow on me.

“He’s a very nice man,” I sign.

Tucker makes a face, like he doesn’t buy it.

“I’m leaving in three days,” I sign. “I’m going away for work. It’s not a good time to date someone. But if it was … I would like to date your brother.”

His lips—ones that match Sutter’s—curl and his eyes widen.

“But I don’t think he likes me,” I add. “Not like that.

Tucker rolls his eyes before nodding vehemently. “He likes you. Believe me.”

He’s got a funny way of showing it then.

Tucker’s eyes graze past my shoulder as the front door swings open and Sutter stands in the doorway, watching the two of us.

“What’s going on?” he asks.

I go to him, placing my hand on his chest and feeling the rapid thumps of his heartbeat and hot flush of his skin. He’s looking like he’s two seconds from murdering someone: their father.

“How did you get here?” he signs to his brother.

“Cab,” I answer.

“How did you pay?” he signs again to Tuck.

I tap my finger against my chest twice.

“You didn’t have to do that,” he says.

“That’s what you do when you care about someone.” I leave the two of them and make my way upstairs, though I’m willing to bet he’s watching me still.

It’s really too bad that we’re back to this—him freezing me out, pushing me away.

I was going to wait up for him tonight. I was going to tell him how much fun I’ve been having. How much I love this whole other side of him that he keeps hidden from the rest of the world. I was going to tell him how much I like him.

And then I was going to do something equal parts brave and insane: I was going to ask him to wait for me.

“ARE YOU HURT?” I ask, taking a seat across from my little brother in the living room.

Tuck shakes his head ‘no.’

“Dad was drinking again?”

Tuck shakes his head ‘yes’.

“You’re not going back there,” I sign.

I guess in a way it works out that Melrose is leaving in three days. I’ll give Tucker her room and maybe talk to the landlord about letting me out of the lease early. There’s a school for the hard of hearing and profoundly deaf in the next town over. I’m sure I can find something for us there. First thing tomorrow, I’ll call my attorney and start setting everything in motion.

Dad doesn’t have a dime to his name, but parental rights in the state of California can trump even some of the best legal sharks.

“I told her you like her.” Tucker signs before pointing toward the stairs. He turns his face to hide a half-smile.

“You violated bro code,” I speak with my hands. “Not cool.”

“You should tell her,” he signs. “I don’t think she believed me.”

“Are you hungry?” I ask him.

“Melrose fed me.”

Of course she did.

“You smile more,” Tuck signs. “You didn’t smile before her.”

Random.

“She’s in love with someone else anyway,” I say, whether or not she knows it.

Tuck drags his palms down his cheeks, exhaling.

“Who?”

“Nick,” I spell his name.

“Your roommate?”

I nod.

Tucker sticks his tongue out and crosses his eyes.

He gets it.

“It’s late,” I tell him. “You should go to bed. And you’re sleeping on the couch this time.”

I leave to grab a spare pillow and blanket for him. It’s funny what kids notice … I had no idea I was smiling more, but I’m not surprised.

I hand off the bedding and make my way upstairs to head to bed. A belly full of chicken wings and pale ale and a mind heavy with the weight of the world won’t exactly make for the most restful of sleep, but the sooner this shit-tastic night is over, the better.

Climbing into bed and rolling to my side, I bunch my pillow beneath my head. My eyes have been shut for all of four seconds when my phone vibrates on the nightstand.

Hope lurches in my chest for a second, and I know why. The smallest part of me, the part that refuses to be denied, thinks it’s her … texting from the next room.

I swipe my phone and squint at the bright screen against the dark of my room.

NICK: HEY. WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW I’M COMING HOME TOMORROW. GOING TO SURPRISE MELROSE, SO DON’T SAY ANYTHING.

ME: YOU’RE LEAVING THE TOUR TO SURPRISE HER? CAN YOU DO THAT?

NICK: TOLD THEM IT WAS A FAMILY EMERGENCY.

Wow …

NICK: I NEED TO TELL HER SOMETHING BEFORE SHE GOES. SOMETHING THAT TOOK BEING AWAY FROM HER FOR ME TO REALIZE.

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