Page 44 of Right Number

A silence fell across the table before Sarah jumped in with her next question. “Let me ask you this—if you never met Mason, would you be fine with that? Or would you always wonder ‘what if’?”

A smile played at the corners of my mouth. “Mason brought up the same question.”

“Does Mason know about Liam?” Bree was back to resting her elbows on the table and leaning forward with a serious look about her.

I squirmed in my seat. “Sort of? Not by name. He calls Liam ‘Coffee Guy.’”

Bree leaned forward even further. “How would you feel if Mason had a ‘Coffee Girl’?”

That was a good question. I sat and thought for a moment. How would I feel if Mason was spending time with another girl? If he was going on dates with her…if he was kissing her?

The answer hit me like a bolt of lightning. “I wouldn’t like it at all. I think I’d be really jealous.” I put my face in my hands. “I feel like a horrible human being for doing this to both of them!”

“Anna, you’re not a horrible human being,” Sarah said in the same gentle tone she used earlier.

“Agreed,” Bree jumped in. “But you are at the point where you need to make some type of decision. You can’t keep being with Liam if you’re more emotionally invested in Mason. It is also not fair to Mason to keep up this fun, flirty relationship when you’re going on dates and making out with Liam. You have to make a choice, babe.”

“The idea of being with Mason is such a big leap. It’s really scary,” I admitted. “We don’t live on the same side of the country; we’re somewhere around three thousand miles apart. I looked it up. Being together would require a whole lot of changes…and well…me making changes for a relationship didn’t work well before. What if it doesn’t this time either?” It felt good to finally put into words all the thoughts that’d been rolling around in my head for far too long. I groaned before I let out the last thought. “What if I’m just like Bev?”

Sarah leaned back in her chair. “There’s a big difference, Anna. When you were with Oliver, you weren’t making changes for the relationship. You were making changes because it’s what Oliver wanted. Making changes for a relationship is a two-way street. It means you’re going to have to work together and both of you are going to need to make changes.”

Bree was adamantly nodding her head. “Again, I agree. Oliver wanted you to make changes to fit into his life, not for the two of you to make changes to build a relationship together.” Bree turned her gaze so she was staring directly at me with an “I’m-taking-no-shit expression” on her face. “The fact we are even having this conversation proves how much you are not like your mom, so stop that right now.” I bit my bottom lip and gave Bree a quick nod of appreciation for her response about Bev.

The three of us remained silent for a few moments before I asked the newest question floating in my mind. “How do I know the difference? I changed so much when I was with Oliver and I didn’t even realize it at the time. I completely lost sight of myself—who I was and what I wanted.” It was true…and so unhealthy. Looking back, I was still surprised I’d done it, but at the time, I was so wrapped up in everything with Oliver I didn’t think much of it. It wasn’t until the relationship ended that I’d finally realized what happened and what everyone around me had been so concerned about. I’d done the exact thing I’d always promised myself I never would—pulled a Bev and put a relationship ahead of everything else—and I hadn’t even see it coming.

“Is Mason asking you to change yourself?” Sarah asked, pulling me back into the conversation.

I shook my head. “No, I don’t think he’d do that. We’ve gotten to know each other pretty well since all we do is talk.”

Bree raised her eyebrows and gave me a look. “I think you’ve just answered your own question.”

I fiddled with the zipper on my dark gray hoodie while I thought about what both Sarah and Bree had said. “Being with Liam is just so easy. He’s here, we have a good time together, and we have a lot in common. Maybe some of that passion will come with time?” As I said the words out loud I realized it sounded more like I was trying to convince myself than anyone else.

“I guess the question to ask yourself is…” Bree paused and I wasn’t sure if it was for dramatic effect or if she was trying to choose her words carefully. “Is what you have with Liam enough for you? If it is, great. But you’ll need to be honest with Mason about it. If it isn’t, well then, you need to re-evaluate and be honest with Liam.”

“I just don’t want to hurt either one of them,” I whispered softly as I put both my hands on the table to keep from fidgeting with them.

Sarah reached out and grabbed one of my hands, giving it a gentle squeeze. “We understand you care about both of them. I don’t think anyone is questioning that at all. You can care for people in different ways, but the longer this goes on, and the deeper everyone gets invested, the more painful it’s going to be when one or both relationships inevitably come to an end. You can’t keep doing what you’re doing forever.”

I looked at Bree and then Sarah. “You’re right. You’re both totally right.”

“So, what are you going to do?” Bree asked.

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I need to think about this. Liam is a safe, comfortable, I-know-what-I’m-getting choice. Mason is a wild leap of faith where I have no idea what could happen. It’s a lot to think about.”

Sarah gave me a nod of understanding. “That’s fair. Just know we love you and will support you in whatever decision you make.”

“Unless you decide to do nothing,” Bree jumped in. “That’s the only decision I will not support. You need to shit or get off the pot, girlfriend.”

I laughed. “Well, good news…not making a decision isn’t even on the table. For my own sanity and well-being I need to stop living in this weird limbo land. Plus, the current situation really isn’t fair to Mason or Liam. Thank you, ladies, for making me have this talk tonight. It was helpful and I appreciate you both.”

“We do it because we care,” Bree said, getting up to come over and give me a hug in my seat.

“I know,” I said softly as Sarah came over and wrapped her arms around Bree and me.

When we pulled apart from our group hug, Sarah asked, “Don’t you have a date with Liam tomorrow night?”

I nodded as she sat back in her seat. “I do. I need to decide what I’m going to do by then.”

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