I move to get out of the car, but before I can open it, Brody touches my arm and with a pleading expression says, “Jen, it’s complicated, but I promise it’s not what you’re thinking. I’m not trying to use you, I want to help you. Truly.”
After I shake off his hand, I get out without a response. I look for Claire and find her sitting right where I last saw her playing on her phone.
I take a few steps from Brody’s car and stop when he calls after me.
“Jen, do you still have my number?”
Without looking in his direction, I call back, “Yeah.”
“Will you call if you need my help?”
“No,” I reply right away and then throw over my shoulder, “Till the next time, Handsome.”
––––––––
AFTER CLAIRE AND I left the school grounds, we hopped on the bus and I spent the whole ride telling my friend what I learned from Brody. At first, she didn’t comment, but as soon as she had her ice cream in hand, she was on my case.
“I think you should tell him everything, Jenny. Maybe he can help. I wish I could be the one to do something about your dad, but Lord knows I’m fucking useless,” she says with a disgusted face.
I take her free hand in mine and force her to look me in the eyes. “Claire, you’re not useless. You’re brilliant. You wanted to help me many times, but I told you no. It’s my choice. I love you even more for not taking that choice away from me.”
Claire shakes her head, irritated, but doesn’t say anything else as she attacks her ice cream cone.
I look at my half-melted one and sigh, not really in the mood to wander around the mall, now that we’re here.
The reason Brody struck a chord today more than usual, is that my father had been drinking more and more lately, and the violence had been progressing. Mainly when it comes to my mother, as I barely get out of my room nowadays.
When I didn’t stick my nose out, and managed to avoid his wrath for almost a month, he finally had to come to the conclusion that my vacation is long overdue. For the first time in years, he came knocking, and when I didn’t open, he had broken down the lock.
He didn’t hurt me too bad considering, but there was a new kind of darkness lurking in his eyes, and it scared me more than any physical violence ever could. The looks he throws my way now that I’m grown, seem almost sexual, yet I’m hoping it’s just my wild imagination. He may be a psychopath, but I don’t think he would ever cross that line. I try to convince myself of that each time I enter my lockless room because the alternative makes me queasy.
I break out of my depressing thoughts and throw away what’s left of the ice cream into the dumpster before sitting back down next to Claire.
Then Inudge her with my shoulder.“Claire, relax. Everything will be okay. This is my life. I’m used to it.”
She turns her head in my direction so fast, I am surprised she doesn’t have a broken neck. “That is so fucking wrong, Jenny! You shouldn’t be fine with it. No one should get used to it. It makes me furious how casual you always act about it. If something happens, I will lose you forever. I can’t lose you! You are the only person that matters!” Claire snaps, her face twisting in anger.
“Hey, stop it.” I try to soothe her with a gentle voice so she doesn’t spiral in a public place. I know her moods, and this look on her face doesn’t bode well for me. When she’s down to a certain point, it’s hard to calm her down.
I take both of her hands and put them on my face. “Can you feel me? I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, Claire. Promise, I will always be here.”
She blinks at me for some time, her breathing calming as she comes back from whatever dark place her mind visits when she’s scared.
“You can’t promise me that,” she mutters, her eyes getting that faraway look I hate again.
“Well, tough shit. Because I am.” I slap my hands on my thighs and stand up. “Come on, we have to catch the bus.”
“Yeah, I guess...” Claire grumbles with a sour face before we head out.
––––––––
ONE WEEK LATER, I'M walking the distance from Claire's to my house, after spending the entire afternoon watching stupid movies and eating junk food.
It had been a perfect last few days. Claire was in a good mood, and my father was barely present at the house. He's supposed to be working on some big case. Honestly, I don’t give a shit where he’s at as long as it’s far away from me.
However, when I see that my father's car is already parked in the driveway, I feel my good spirits evaporate.I feel a sense of foreboding as I reach for the doorknob, but I quickly shake it off.
I enter and walk through the hallway to find my mother bustling about in the kitchen. I come to her and kiss her cheek before casting her a questioning look. We always walk around the sheriff on our tiptoes, but today's silence seems to be charged with something bad. I can't pinpoint what it is exactly.