Page 19 of Wasted Oil

I stop in my tracks as I see him. Andres Alvarez, the one that single handedly haunts my life.

"Mija…?” The words he speaks send my blood ice cold, a shiver dripping down my spine. Flashes of me being hit run through my mind. I take a step back as he gets up from his chair, he looks different, older. The man standing in front of me today seems calm, but then again there’s that saying, This is the calm before the storm. In my bones I can feel that storm brewing. I cross my arms over one another in front of me with my head held high, a technique I use when I feel weak.

"Andres” I keep the greeting short, simple, and dry.

He’s taken back from the use of his name and how dry it came out.

"It’s been too long. How have you been?” He asks.

"Fine.” I respond with a shoulder shrug. What I really want to say is "Horrible, I spent the last five years beating myself up thinking that I was a failure because of you not believing in me. Oh, and for the past three years I have been sleeping around with every guy that calls me princess or tells me I’m pretty because I have major daddy issues. Or, how about the fact that I was on antidepressants for two years because I couldn’t get out of bed.” But that’s what he wants, he wants me to tell him that I’m a failure just so he could laugh in my face and say that he was right.

We stare at each other for a minute, trying to read one another, wondering what is held underneath all the formal unpleasantries. I don’t back down, just raise my head higher, uncross my arms and rest them in the back pockets of my jeans. If he taught me anything it would be to not let people see the weakness in your eyes. He breaks first, sitting back down on his recliner grabbing the beer bottle from the side table going back to the show that was playing on the big screen.

“Well I’m glad you’re home now, five years of running around and pretending to be a singer is too long. Now it's time to come back and find a real job. I’m sure you had your fun and went out like a real “rockstar” but it's time to settle down, I’m not getting any younger and by the looks of it neither are you. Have you gained a little weight, gorda? You know you’re lucky I didn’t come to that hole in the wall you call a job on the strip of Nashville and drag you back. But we both know that failure was on the brink after you lost your apartment… How’s living with that band mate of yours… David, is it?”

Hearing him say that makes my blood boil. How did he know all of that? I blocked him on all social media and the only ones that knew exactly where I was were Xavier and Alex. Not even mom knew where the apartment was or where I moved to. Alex is the only one that knew the details about me losing my apartment and living with David and I trust that girl with my life.

"Ya no mas! Andres, she just got home after what feels like forever, I would like to at least feel like we are a family.” The room is silent, my father takes a sip of his beer and X stands right behind Má with his hands resting on her shoulders to help stabilize her. She takes her hands and straightens her dress out, keeping her clean and pristine appearance.

"Now, dinner will be ready in thirty, Mija, why don’t you freshen up, I’m sure you’re tired from your trip.” She steps out of my brother's hold retreating into the kitchen. Xavier grabs my bags nodding his head toward the stairs. I follow him as he leads, I know he wants to talk to me, but right now a nice long, hot shower sounds amazing.

We stop right outside my door. "Thanks X, I got it from here.” I reach down and open the door revealing the time capsule I left. She left it and didn’t change a thing, posters and pictures fill the walls. One side is covered in posters from Top Gun, my favorite Dolly Parton poster, and of course the Queen of Texas in my heart, Selena. The other side was pictures of my childhood, mostly the four of us.

I can still feel Xaviers presence as I set my bags on the bed to unpack.

"Not right now X. I’ve had a long trip and I want to shower and relax for just a moment before dinner.” I take his silence and the door clicking shut as an understanding. Not taking another moment, I head to the bathroom flipping on the shower till it was steaming hot.

As I let the water warm up, I stand in front of the mirror looking at myself. I have bags around my eyes from not sleeping, the lifeless blue that held my gaze and lastly the scar that will forever be embedded in my skin. That night briefly flashing through my mind reminding me that a tiger can’t change its stripes. Not even a minute back and he was ready to go to war with me yet again. He had the audacity to tell me that I’ve had my fun and that I needed to get back to work and by work he means with the Oil company. He still thinks he has control over me. I’ve been alive and surviving this long without him and his money. Surely I can survive the rest of my life too.

Peeling back my clothes the steam starts to fill the mirror, taking away the image of myself. Stepping in I let the scalding hot water run down the front of my body relaxing the tense muscles from the car ride and the already tense conversation with my father.Grabbing the new bottle of strawberry shampoo I lather my hair relishing in the sweet, sweet smell of it. I’m already exhausted mentally and I have been here for all of a couple hours and I can't help but think what the rest of this week will bring. Most likely jab after jab saying that I need to grow up and get a real job. Sorry to break it to you Jefe.. I didn't come home to finally step into what you think I should be doing. Instead I think of what could be so urgent that mom all but begged me to come home after all these years. To me she seemed perfectly fine, but I guess she has always been the queen of covering up.

What exactly is she covering up though? That is why I’m here? Also, to get your man.

My thoughts take hold of me, My Man? Rhett?

He has never been my man. Although I wish he would’ve been, but I was his best friend so I guess beggars can’t be choosers, right?

At the thought of Rhett, I feel myself grow hot in an already steaming shower. Grabbing my warm vanilla scented body wash, my mind drifts back to the day after graduation when we went down to Jansens to celebrate and the specific moment in the back of his truck. His lips were hot against my freezing ones, his hands rough from hard work but gentle when he touched me. I let my hands roam over my breast giving them a quick massage feeling how hard my nipples are in the hot shower. The feel of our tongues battling for dominance. I continue lowering my hand while the other hand continues to massage my breast until I reach the bundle of nerves that die for attention. It was the same fantasy that played in my head for the years of me being gone it always stopped at him breaking away due to not being able to finish what we started that night. But today I need more, anything to relieve this stress.

Just like always, right when I start to release his image and the fantasy is over and I’m left literally soaking wet and frustrated. I don’t know what's worse, blue balls or my current problem?

I groan frustrated and annoyed, how I wish we could’ve done something more, been something more.

I flick the water off and reach for my towel wrapping the soft fibers around my body. It's been more than thirty minutes but I’m in no hurry to run back downstairs and pretend to be a normal family. An hour that's it, an hour is all they get before I decide to leave and go to Alex’s.

"Hermana!” I jump at the sound of banging on my bathroom door courtesy of Xavier. I rip open the door fully clothed but still X jumps back screaming while covering his eyes.

"Im dressed pendejo, abre los ojos” He peeks through two fingers and lets out a breath of relief.

"Jesus Mel, can't you open the door like a normal human being and, I don’t know, next time announce that you are fully clothed? Just a thought.”

"Now you know next time don’t come in here banging on my door and hurrying me when I’m getting ready.” He shrugs his shoulders like a kid but doesn’t leave.

"Can I help you?”

"Nope, I'm good” I raise one eyebrow, throwing my hands to my hips.

"Yeah okay, I call bullshit. You want to know something and you’re not saying it.” We play the try not to blink game ultimately ending in him losing.

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