Page 49 of Winter Break Up

“Do you guys go out in the city often?” I ask, wanting to know more about their downtime.

In the off-season, I’m hoping I can get a private trainer to work with me somewhere near Queenwood so I can be with Grandpa.

“I do, but these two tend to stay closer to home,” Theo answers.

Carter pops a few of the cashews that are sitting in a gold bowl between us in his mouth. “I’m a little more lenient on myself during the off-season when it comes to partying and dating, but we all work out every single day. Whether it’s something light like yoga or Pilates, or intense field conditioning and drills, we’re always putting the time in. Even when you’re not playing games, this sport still comes first.”

I know that. I’m ready for it. But it’s still intimidating.

“I’ve got a wife and kids at home. The only thing I want to do is spend as much time with them before I have to go back out on the road.” Dominic is known as a big family man in the league.

I relate to that, too. The more time I spend with Emily, the less I want to go back to school. It’s not the same as the league would be, but I’d be lying if I said I haven’t pictured what our future could look like. Me, playing soccer, her getting a nursing job. Coming home to her after road trips and getting lost in each other before we have to go back out into the world and do our jobs. Getting married. Starting a family.

When it comes to her, I’ve dreamed about it all.

“Don’t fall into that trap, man. You’re young, single. Fairly good-looking, if I say so myself. Don’t get wifed up.” Theo’s expression is grave, like getting into a relationship could cause deadly harm.

“Dude, don’t listen to him. He’s a fuckboy. We all know that. I won’t lie though, it’s a rough lifestyle to have a family in.” Carter nods, picking at his napkin. “I was close once, but it didn’t work out. Sometimes it’s easier to put that all on the back burner.”

“Dude, are you insane? Don’t listen to him. The lifestyle is awesome. Traveling, playing soccer almost every fucking day. Chicks wherever and however you want them. Free shit, endorsements. You’re going to be a king, man.” Theo holds up his hand for a high five.

I reluctantly slap it, all my worries amplifying.

“Listen, if you want to maintain who you were before getting into the league, you can do it. But it’s hard work. Theo is right, there is a lot of temptation and not everyone can handle that. Some guys lose their wives, some lose their families. Some fall into some shady shit. You have to keep a tight hold on who you are at your core, not who this league will build you up to be. It’s not easy, and not everyone on the periphery of your life will want to come along for the ride.”

Dominic is the voice of reason, but his words don’t make me feel any better.

“Listen to us, a bunch of handsome gentlemen in this merry bar telling this young gun what a horrible time he’ll have as a professional athlete.” Carter chuckles. “We’re just saying, be careful. And if you need any guidance, come to Dom or me. Don’t go to Theo.”

“Hey!” Theo throws a cashew at his teammate’s head.

As they move onto other topics of conversation, I can’t help but get stuck on what both Carter and Dom said.

It’s just another sign that I should leave this thing between Emily and me alone. Let it die out as winter break ends. With her mental health, my schedule, and our undecided futures, it’s best if we part with fond memories and not shouting matches or screaming, crying fights.

After all, there are too many pitfalls to avoid going into the league with someone I hold so dear. If something caused us to fall apart, and this time it was my fault, I could never forgive myself.

On the spot, I decide that the fantasies I have around Emily and I being together are just that. Dreams. Whims. Things that will never come true. She asked for one final fling. We’re keeping each other company during the cold months, and that is all.

Once reality comes back into view, I’ll move on without ever pressuring her for more, for both of our sakes.

22

EMILY

“All right, let’s get this shot out of the way.”

Gen passes a bunch of small glasses around and dots my wrist with a dollop of chocolate syrup.

“Why did we agree to this again?” Charlie’s face is nearly green.

“You hate mint, I don’t understand why you’re still doing this?” I scoff at my brother.

A couple other high school friends stand in our circle, the noise from the bar drowning out any more complaints about Gen’s one rule for this Christmas bar crawl she put together. Whenever we enter a new establishment, our group has to take a shot of peppermint schnapps, followed by a lick of chocolate syrup. She’s calling it a Peppermint Patty shot and said it was a festive way to get drunk during the holidays.

It’s not doing much for me except giving me wicked heartburn.

“It’s the rule. And if someone says there is a rule, you follow the rule.”

---