Page 47 of Winter Break Up

“She would like the more expensive one.” Delia scoffs.

Her new stepmother’s gleeful expression drops, and the little girl next to her stops spinning. Of course, the little girl doesn’t understand what her new stepsister is saying, but I can realize a kid who knows fighting when I see it. I might have been too young, but I heard those phone calls between my grandfather and my biological parents. I knew when shit was bad and what he tried to shield me from.

This little girl has seen some stuff, and this blended family is probably her first try at a “normal” family life. It’s clear as day that she idolizes her new older sister, and the middle schooler is just coming off like a brat.

“Why don’t you guys go check out that one?” Emily points a few trees down. “It looks a bit smaller but is still in the same family as this one, and the branches will be great for lots and lots of princess ornaments.”

Gia gives an excited squeal and pulls her mother and stepfather down the row to look at the tree.

“I know it’s probably not easy to spend Christmas with this new family. It’s probably a little strange, huh?” Emily addresses Delia now, who is looking at her cuticles like they’re more interesting than any of this.

The girl shrugs, attitude radiating off her.

“I’m sure it isn’t easy to have a new person in the house, especially when that person is your father’s new wife,” Em hedges, and Delia shrugs again, this time turning her back.

A frustrated look passes over Emily’s face, and I know she’s annoyed that she can’t get through to this girl. Dealing with families on the tree farm is a lot less “cutting down a tree for them” and a lot more handling personal problems so that they can get through that and reach the merriment of the tradition.

Except, this isn’t a problem that a girl who comes from a loving family with a beautiful childhood can relate to. No, that’s something I’m acutely attuned to.

“This new house and family thing probably sucks to you, doesn’t it?” I insert myself.

“Mercer …” Emily’s tone is all caution.

“Yeah,” Delia murmurs, her eyes flashing up at me for a split second.

I nod, knowing how that feels.

“Holidays haven’t always been the greatest in my house. It’s always been my grandpa and me; there were some years I would have killed to be able to spend it with my parents. They just weren’t around though, and after a while, I realized it was better that way. Things don’t always have to be normal, but normal is boring. And I say, the more the merrier. Check out Gia’s face when she’s around you sometime. That little girl looks like she’s so happy to have a new big sister. Take it from me; I spent a lot of years wishing things were different. Wishing that I was somewhere else or was surrounded by people who weren’t there. But I realized, maybe too late, that my life was good just the way it was. The holidays are about putting stupid stuff aside and seeing the good in the world, with the people who choose to spend them with you. I’d argue you’ve got a pretty cool setup now, it even came with a little sister. Today, this week, on Christmas, maybe you just try out being nice to Janelle. See where it gets you. But again, I’m just spitballing here.”

My nonchalance is meant not to spook her, but when I look over at Emily, there are unshed tears in her eyes. I shake my head just the slightest bit, trying to convey that she needs to play it cool. While I just admitted something I’ve never quite said out loud, it was meant to make Delia feel better, not spark an emotional conversation between Em and me.

Delia seems to weigh my words for a few moments and then looks up at me. I can’t read her expression but hold my breath for my attitude.

“Dad?” Delia calls out, then points to the tree opposite us. “I think this one might be good. And Janelle, it’s even got the perfect point at the top for your star.”

I give the tween a discreet thumbs-up at her show of an olive branch and then internally sigh that my pep talk didn’t go to waste. Her family comes clambering over, with Gia doing ballet twirls in the snow, until she crashes into Delia with a giggle. The older girl smiles down and steadies her, and I feel something loosen in my chest.

“It’s perfect.” Janelle nods at her, giving her stepdaughter a hopeful smile.

“Thank you.” Her dad mouths the words at Em and me.

We help them cut it down and tag it, then I transport it to the front while Emily walks them to the barn to pick out some ornaments.

She finds me on the side of the barn, where I’m taking a short break after a busy morning of heavy lifting.

The moment our eyes lock, she’s jogging at me, and I open my arms for her. The thud of our jackets colliding has me holding on to her, and then Em is nuzzling into my winter gear.

I know what this hug is for, yet I can’t talk about what I said to Delia.

“We make a good team,” I murmur against her temple.

“Always have.” She rubs my back in response.

A beat passes before she speaks again.

“For the record, you have always belonged here. I would never want you to be anywhere else, with anyone else, during this holiday.” Emotion clogs her voice.

Something in me yearns so desperately to have her tell me she doesn’t want me anywhere else, with anyone else, for the rest of time. Not just for Christmas. Not just for this year.

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