Page 31 of Winter Break Up

A knock on the door has me sitting up, and then she’s entering the room, memories like ghosts accompanying her.

“Hey.” Her voice is small, and I hate that we’re here.

I hate that I don’t know how to handle this, and I hate that I fear she’ll hurt me so much more than she has. I hate that it’s making me this asshole who’s treating her like crap, but I can’t seem to stop.

“Hey.” I don’t sit up from where I’m lying on the bed, instead choosing to stare up at the ceiling than at her.

“Are you okay? Your knee doesn’t hurt from today, does it?” Always so concerned about me in the ways I don’t want her to be.

“I feel fine.” I’m being a jerk.

“The nurse in me wants to make sure you’re healthy as an ox.” Her tone takes on that of a lame joke, as if she’s trying to keep this conversation going but is awkward and self-conscious because I’m contributing nothing.

The room goes silent, and I think maybe she left, until she shuffles closer and sits on the end of the bed.

“Mercer, please look at me.”

That subtle beg has me blinking down, my eyes landing on the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.

Em’s smile is small, and the red and black buffalo plaid pajamas she wears look adorable. Well, adorable and sexy as hell considering the Henley top forms to every curve of her breasts and shows off cleavage that has my cock stirring.

“Did I freak you out the other day?” The way she says it, it’s like she did something wrong.

Blanching internally, I shake my head. “No. I’m glad you told me everything you went through. I’m just sorry it happened.”

“Except that you haven’t spoken to me in two days and are acting like I’m some kind of plague to avoid on this trip.” She folds her arms over her chest, accentuating her perfect tits further.

“All right, maybe it just made me … reconsider. You’ve been through a lot, Em. You need time and space to be with yourself, and I don’t want to risk putting you back in a head space that isn’t healthy for you. I’ll always be here for you as a friend, and—”

I don’t get the rest of my “let her off easy” speech out before her warm lips press to mine.

Her kiss is sweet, cautious, and tastes a little of the alcohol she was drinking. I can’t help but sink into it a bit, my fingers tunneling into her hair and twisting around the delicious softness.

The heat of her tongue as it pushes into my mouth, and any excuse or reason I thought up to leave her alone flies out of my head. Em angles her head to give me better access, and I take it. Our lips bite at one another, tongues sliding like seasoned lovers, hands roaming all over our upper half. My dick is stiff and jonesing to be touched, and my fingertips spark at the idea of pushing their way into her wet, warm folds.

But then the look in her eyes the other night during her anxiety attack floods my brain, and I jerk back.

“We shouldn’t do this.” To my own ears, I sound like I’m lying.

“Probably not.” Emily’s eyes cast downward, and I know she’s feeling rejected.

“With both of us going away, I just don’t want either of us to get hurt. Winter break is ending soon, and the last time we were going to college, you—”

Emily cuts me off because I know she doesn’t want me to remind her of the mistake she made. “I told myself I wouldn’t make this suggestion to you. I’ve hurt you enough in the past, and it might be a disrespectful thing to propose. But I miss you. I’ve known it for a while, even before I came home and got to be around you for an extended period of time. Being with you, kissing you, it’s felt so good. So can’t we just do what feels good for now? I want you, you want me. The future is looming so close and all I’m sure of right now is that I want to be with you, in whatever way I can be. Can’t we just forget it all, for as long as we can?”

Having her for a short amount of time will kill me. How can I hold her in my arms, be intimate with her, listen to her talk and laugh, and not want to hold on to her forever? She’s right that it’s disrespectful to ask after what she put my heart through last time. But I’m the one who’s saying we can’t be anything more to each other. I’m the one ending us before we begin this time.

“We’ve hurt each other too much. Why do so even more?” I won’t point out that she’s being a hypocrite after telling me the breakup was the biggest regret of her life. Why would she want to do it all over again?

“Because I can’t seem to stay away from you,” she whispers, pressing her fingers to the swollen lips I was just kissing.

The surge of need inside me won’t be quelled. Even though the logical side of me knows this is a horrible idea, I won’t turn her away. Not again. I’m weak for her, and here we are, sitting on a bed in a room filled with memories of our past. There is no way I’m letting her go, even if I know it’ll break my heart again eventually.

“I can’t either.” My hand reaches out to caress her cheek, and Em’s eyes flutter shut. “One thing, though … Charlie can’t find out.” I lay down that rule and watch Emily’s eyes open on a sad note.

“He’ll know if something is going on.”

We’ve never been good at hiding how we feel about each other. It’s why I straight-up told him the first time I was going to ask his sister on a date. “But if this is …” I can’t bring myself to say temporary. “I just don’t want my friendship with him to go through what it did last time. He’ll be pissed if he knows we’re having a fling, considering the way he was put in the middle last time.”

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