Page 55 of Winter Break Up

With that, I stomped off in the direction of the barn, which I could just make out over the tops of the trees. My temper flares, and I can’t stop grinding my teeth, but it’s easier to be angry than to give in to the crushing, devastating heartbreak I’m balancing on the brink of. An engine sounds in the distance, and the tension in my shoulders lessens. Mr. Palmer must have realized he forgot to fill the ATV with gas and came out to get us.

It’s not as if I would have wandered far; I’d never leave Emily out here alone, even with her crushing my heart into smithereens. But now that I hear the rescue vehicle, I pick up my pace.

A walk back alone is just what I need to get my head on straight. To digest the fact that the woman I love will never love me enough to sacrifice it all.

With that, I can finally push my emotions and feelings into a box, seal them tight, and focus on the one future I’ve always dreamed of.

24

EMILY

Being around hundreds of people in the town square is the last thing I want to do right now.

Too bad the tree-off postpones for no one, not even a girl trying to ignore that her heart is hanging on by a limp thread.

“Emily, come over here and help me secure this last popcorn strand?” Mom shouts from the other side of our massive tree.

It took Dad’s enormous pickup to get it here and four men to lug it to the spot in the square where the three trees would be judged. My family has been here since noon setting the thing up, making sure it was secure, decorating it to the nines, and now we’re just putting on finishing touches as the competition is about to start.

The municipal building clock strikes six p.m., and it’s already dark on the snow-covered town square. Queenwood residents stand in circles of friends and families, sipping cocoa and chatting about which tree will be the most beautiful.

All the while, I can’t bring myself to look around and see him possibly standing in the crowd. Mercer let my brother know he has a conflict tonight and won’t be coming to the competition, but it doesn’t mean my head and heart haven’t been thinking about him the entire twenty-four hours since he left me in the far reaches of the farm alone. I had to hide my sobs as Dad drove me back to the barn on his rescue mission after discovering us without gas.

Last night, I’d gotten little to no sleep, instead staring at the ceiling with regret and anxiety wrecking my entire system. My head feels heavy, and my eyes are bleary as I help my mother string up the last strand of popcorn, and then I stand back to take in our unlit tree. My parents have done a beautiful job growing, picking, and theming the tree this year. They went with a classic Christmas theme: silver bells, golden harps, and little angels with ceramic wings. It’s done in clear lights with red and green adornments, and while it isn’t flashy or trendy, this tree speaks to the essence of Christmas.

“Looks beautiful, Mom.” I give her a side hug.

“It really does.” She wipes away a tear.

“Are you crying, Ma?” Charlie walks up and rolls his eyes. “You gotta keep a stiff upper lip for the competition. They’ll think they’ve won.”

My brother points about twenty feet to our right, where Clyde and his family have been setting their tree up and drinking spiked apple cider all afternoon. By now, their decibel level has reached skyscraper heights, there is trash littering their feet, and I’m pretty sure one of the cousins almost knocked over the tree.

“We’ll win by our reputation, friendliness, and commitment to Christmas, or we won’t win at all.” Mom nods solemnly, like that’s written in the town code or something.

“I’m just glad to be going back to school soon so I don’t have to deal with that guy.” Charlie hikes a thumb in Clyde’s direction.

Our high school peer’s voice echoes in my head, his words about Mercer and me part of the reason I couldn’t ask for what I wanted when the boy I love asked me to name my price. I chickened out and broke both of our hearts in the process.

Mom and Dad walk over to a group of their friends as someone makes an announcement that there will be fifteen minutes before tree lighting and judging starts.

“It’s not a secret that Mercer begged off tree decorating duty today. That have anything to do with you?” My brother skewers me with a look.

“I have no idea why he didn’t show up.” I avoid eye contact as I pretend to primp the branches.

An annoyed huff comes from Charlie. “Do you two think I’m a moron?”

“What?” I’m so tired of having to talk to people today.

All I want to do is sit in my room and wallow, but since that’s off the table, the least my family could do is stop talking to me. God, is it so much to ask?

“Listen, the last thing I want to know about is who you’re boinking, but if you think I don’t realize you and my best friend have started hooking up again, then you must really think I’m a fucking idiot.”

My head whips toward him so fast that I think I might have sprained my neck. “Never say boinking in the same sentence with me ever again.”

“Noted. But seriously, I’ve known you two were back together ever since the ski trip. Shit, you really don’t think very highly of me.”

I’m shocked, to say the least. “I … well, I guess I didn’t really think people thought I was in his league anymore.”

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