Page 31 of Always the Bridesmaid

I don’t dare tell him. Instead, I hold out the steaming mug as a peace offering.

‘I made you coffee. I hope you like black instant coffee because that’s all I could find in your cupboards.’

He takes the mug and gulps. ‘Ouch, that’s hot!’

‘That’s sort of the point.’

‘Ha. Ha.’ He brings his legs around to sit on the edge of the futon, in almost all his glory. ‘Sorry, Your Highness, I’ll stock my cupboards for the burglars next time I’m away for the week.’

I roll my eyes as I move away from his near-naked body, holding up a hand to shield my eyes.

‘Haven’t you heard of cupboard staples? Here, put these on, we need to get going.’ I toss him the jeans and T-shirt he was wearing last night.

‘Can I at least shower and put on some clean clothes? What’s the big rush?’

‘Come on, Charlie, we spent the night away. Just the two of us. If the others wake up and realize we didn’t come back, they’ll assume we were together.’

Charlie chuckles. ‘We are adults.’

What?

Panic takes me by surprise, making me pace the unfurnished lounge.

‘No! I don’t want all the questions. And I don’t for one second want them to think that I’ve—’

‘Would it be the end of the world? Seriously? Might this be an overreaction?’

‘Yes! And no!’

Charlie scratches his scalp and yawns as he pads through the lounge toward the bathroom. ‘Don’t spare my feelings here, will you?’

Exasperated, I shout after him, ‘Oh please, it’s not like you would go anywhere near me anyway.’ I hear the bathroom door slam. ‘You clearly can’t tolerate me either!’

I regret my words within minutes. As soon as I’ve finished my coffee, coincidentally. Danny always used to say that it takes one coffee for me to come around in the mornings. I have proved him correct in this instance.

My worry about the others thinking I might contemplate a relationship with someone else, and how guilty that would make me feel, has made Charlie think I would be ashamed for that someone else to be him.

I have spent rare and emotionless nights with men since Danny. They’ve been few and far between, usually once alcohol has lowered my inhibitions. Those men fulfilled a physical need, nothing more. I didn’t know them before the night I spent with them, not really. My friends certainly hadn’t known them. Especially not Drew, who was friends with Danny before he had even met me. Drew was lost when Danny died, too. It brought the two of us even closer, joint in our grief.

Charlie would be an entirely different prospect. The whole group would know, and I’ve already spent too much time in his company for either one of us to simply be used physically.

To another woman, I am sure Charlie could be quite a catch. He isn’t unattractive. He is surprisingly clean. And I am starting to understand his humor. Last night, he genuinely had me in kinks.

But he is appallingly arrogant, often grumpy and occasionally downright rude. He is completely emotionally unstable.

Nevertheless, my words hadn’t been intended to hurt his feelings. In falling short of giving him my full truth – that I can never give away a heart that has already been given once before, wholly and completely – I have left him assuming an insult.

I needn’t have worried about my words affecting Charlie.

He swans out of the shower, thankfully clothed in jeans and yet another take on a Marvel T-shirt (the giant Spider-Man, bright and outrageous), towel drying his hair and singing about only knowing you love a girl once you’ve let her go.

I am sitting on the futon, which I’ve cleared and turned back into a seat, my legs crossed, my second rancid coffee of the morning between my hands.

I find myself staring at Charlie’s clean-shaven face and noticing his features are quite defined in the sunlight, which shines in streaks through the apartment windows.

‘Ready to go?’ he asks.

‘Yes, please.’

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