Page 69 of Always the Bridesmaid

I sip my coffee and thank him again for his generosity. Then I am transfixed as I watch him drink from his own cup. I watch his lips gently maneuver around the edge, then softly press together as the coffee passes his tongue and he swallows, the movement moving his Adam’s apple up and down his lightly stubbled neck. In this moment, I can’t deny that the lips I kissed in my dream were his. I know because my body is responding in the same way as it did in my sleep. My throat is tightening, my heart is pounding, there is a knot in my stomach, and somewhere south of that is fizzing like an effervescent bath bomb.

Oh my God, I have a thing for Charlie.

He’s talking to me, telling me about the day ahead and I hear something about Hyde Park being on the agenda but I am silently distracted by panic. I don’t want to have a thing for anyone, especially not Charlie, whose company I am enjoying beyond measure.

By the time we reach Trafalgar Square, I’m feeling more rational. It’s Wednesday. Friday is our last day together and there’s every chance I will never see him again. It’s a brutal way to end a beautiful friendship but it will be my saving grace.

Plus, Charlie said it himself, we are friends. We are both on the same page. Or I can pretend to be for three more days, I’m sure.

I am out of New York, away from things and places that Danny and I enjoyed together, away from our home. And people have these sort of holiday blips, right? That’s all this is. A blip.

With a newfound calm, I re-engage in conversation.

‘I’m happy to walk,’ I tell him when he asks me if we should go by foot or take public transport from the square. I’m used to walking in Manhattan and I know that Charlie prefers being in the open air too, so we make a happy pair as we traverse Piccadilly and arrive at the corner of Hyde Park.

Charlie points out Wellington Arch and gives me the history of the statue on top of it. We stroll inside and both comment on the beautiful scents coming from the rose garden, then we make it to the Serpentine pier, where a row of blue pedal boats is loosely docked.

Charlie takes my empty coffee cup and shakes out the last drips, then replaces the lids and puts both cups in his backpack, presumably for coffee tomorrow morning.

Then he walks up to a young man selling tickets to the pedal boats. He comes back to me looking triumphant and nudges me in the direction of the mini vessels.

The guy in charge tries to hold the boat steady as Charlie lets me climb on first but I still end up squealing as it rocks under my weight. I eventually come to sit with a bang, holding a hand to my chest as I catch my breath. Charlie is laughing at me but gets his comeuppance when he unsteadily flops into his seat, making the boat rock far more than I did.

The guy pushes us away from the dock and we fall into a steady pedal together. The sky is scattered sparingly with clouds that make the sun come and go but the air is warm and it’s another day of very little breeze.

The surrounding trees are lush green and full with large leaves. The grass is as vibrant as I have ever seen and people in the park are joyful as they walk, work out and play. It isn’t the school holidays in England, so I’m told, but there are lots of young children out, squealing and giggling.

For a while, we pedal in comfortable silence, taking in our surroundings.

Then Charlie asks me, ‘How do you know Jake and the others?’

‘Well, Drew and my husband went to college together and I became Drew’s legal secretary early in his career, which is how Danny and I met. Brooks is one of Drew's oldest friends from school and Jake is obviously Drew's brother. The girls are additions in more recent years. Edmond is the executive chef at the restaurant where Becky works and Drew and Edmond already knew each other, mostly because Drew likes steak.’

‘So it’s all a bit incestuous really,’ Charlie says.

I laugh. ‘It sounds weird. But actually we’re just a close group of friends with a lot in common, and I guess that means we tend to like the same people.’

Charlie seems to take a beat to process my answer. ‘I understand why the guys are so protective over you, what with your relationship with Danny.’

‘How do you mean?’

‘Well, initially I thought they were warning me to stay away from you purely to protect you but maybe if they were close with your husband too, there is an element of them not wanting to see you with another guy. I don’t just mean me, obviously.’

I’ve found that generally, when there is an awkward conversation to be had in life, it’s easier to be sitting side by side than to be facing each other. Perhaps that’s why I engage in a conversation I might have avoided another day. I stare at a duck that’s swimming on top of the water and the circles spanning out from its body as it moves.

‘Maybe they were concerned that there could be something between us and they weren’t sure how legitimate it would be on your part.’

If I had been looking into Charlie's eyes as I spoke those words, I would have been cringing inside because I know they’re leading words. Just like Drew might try to give when cross examining a client in court. But there’s no one here to object to my leading question. No one to protect me from myself.

I can sense Charlie’s attention is on me. It’s heating my skin just like the sun that has presented itself from behind the clouds.

‘I can understand their concern, if that had been the case.’

My body feels like it slips into the seat of the pedal boat. I know that physically it doesn’t, but internally I fall, not because of Charlie's words but because of the things he hasn’t said.

‘I’m not frivolous when it comes to women, Sarah, I want you to know that. The guy you see on stage and in social groups, he’s a social extrovert. He wants to please people to keep them around, just like you. And his way of doing that is to use humor. That version of me uses humor to make friends and defend myself. Maybe when he’s on stage that guy jokes about frequently swiping left and right on Tinder and one-night stands, but the real me isn’t like that. I’m not going to pretend I haven’t done it, because we all have needs and I’ve not been in long-term relationships before – not because I haven’t thought about that but I guess I’m just not a long-term relationship kind of guy. At least, I haven’t been in the past.’

I’m not sure whether Charlie is trying to tell me something, to get me to decipher a hidden meaning in his words, or if it’s just because I would really like to find one, but I’m incited enough to ask.

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