Page 56 of Always the Bridesmaid

Charlie takes three steps forward but now I don’t want him to. I prefer the distance.

‘I’m sorry,’ he says.

‘Thank you. But I’m not telling you this for sympathy, I’m trying to explain some of my actions and words that might have seemed a little…’

‘Mean? Cruel? Unnecessarily catty? Snide?’

‘Hey!’

God, this man knows how to get my hackles up.

I physically shake him off – Taylor Swift would be proud. ‘I’ve been quick to stop people thinking that you and I might… you know… that there might be anything romantic between us.’

‘Sarah, you sound like a grandparent giving their grandchild a lesson in the birds and the bees.’

I clear my throat, which is dry and hoarse. I’m going to get it out.

‘Everyone liked Danny and too many people tell me I should move on and meet someone new.’ I speak quickly. I’m ripping off the band aid, as the cliché goes. ‘I don’t want to. I won’t. Losing Danny was the hardest thing I’ve done in my life. I promised to be his and no other’s. I won’t let him down. And I won’t put myself in a position to lose someone I love again. I couldn’t love someone else. I couldn’t.’

Charlie’s eyebrows draw together and I quickly gauge his reaction.

I hold up a hand, as if to tell him to stop that train of thought. ‘I’m not talking about me loving you or anything here.’

He scoffs. ‘Yes, I’m aware.’

‘Well, perhaps you are but the others don’t get it. And I wanted to silence them or cut them off the trail before any whispering could start. So, I was profuse in my dismissal of you but it’s a reflection of me, not you. You’re… fine. Just not for me. Nor is anyone else.’

He guffaws this time and I have to admit, he’s really getting my back up now.

‘I’m trying to be serious. I’m trying to apologize and explain.’

I can’t believe it happens but I find myself stamping my foot on the hard ground.

Laughing, Charlie moves closer to me and holds his arms up for a hug.

‘Thanks for the explanation. You could never love me and want everyone to know it, even though I’m fine. You’ve made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.’

For some reason, I step into his arms and feel his warmth as he cuddles me.

‘I get it. Don’t worry about it,’ he says. ‘But, Sarah, you have to open yourself up to things that come along. Hiding from possibilities to make sure you don’t get your heart broken is… something I would do…’ He chuckles. ‘It isn’t healthy. Don’t let fear hold you back.’

I step back and look into his eyes. I’ve seen his words in action. I’ve seen how he pushes through fear to go on stage. But the fear of complete and utter heartbreak is too much for me.

‘It’s just breaking even,’ I tell him. ‘Maybe I don’t love again but I don’t get my heart broken either.’

Charlie looks confused, or contemplative, I can’t tell. Then he says, ‘Fancy a drink? As friends?’

After a lonely day, buried in my own head, I’ll be glad of the distraction and I’m happy for the lightness I feel in my chest now that I’ve apologized to him. ‘Yes.’

23

CHARLIE

‘I find you very touchy feely,’ Sarah says, still in my arms, where I am surprisingly happy to have her.

When I first saw her across the club, sitting on the high table, watching me intently on the stage, it threw me.

I’m not sure what I expected to feel when or if I ever saw Sarah again. I didn’t expect that the moment I saw her my heart rate would go higher than it already was, being on stage. That my palms would be clammier, that I would want to jump right down off the stage and head over to her, even if it was to hear some negative jibe cast my way.

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