Page 36 of Always the Bridesmaid

‘You are so welcome. You guys are my family. I love you all.’

The starter of chicken parfait, various purees and a lemon and zucchini foam is served and I find myself cringing over the memory of vomiting into the toilet and Charlie holding my hair, making remarks about me throwing up yuzu foam.

As I set down my knife and fork at six o’clock on my now empty plate, I am startled by a small dog yapping a table away from us. Startled because I hadn’t expected a small white dog to be sitting on a chair at a table in a fine dining restaurant. But my eyes aren’t playing tricks – the little Scotty, with its pink encrusted collar, is sitting on a chair, front paws on the tabletop.

I chuckle as the memory of one of Charlie's jokes from his gig comes back to me. He had been talking about the love people have for their pets and how, in the extreme, people will share their clothes with them. Just as a waiter announces at the nearby table the arrival of a puppychino for the dog, I notice the pink crystal-encrusted handbag sitting on the floor next to the dog owner’s chair. The owner’s pink painted nails with little diamantes pressed into the gel are also a match for the dog’s collar and the handbag.

Charlie will love this. And suddenly I am eager to get back to the house and tell him what I have seen. Perhaps he can use it in one of his routines.

‘Sarah,’ Becky says, grabbing my attention as I dab my lips clean from my starter. ‘Drew tells me the officer manager at the firm is retiring and his job is coming available.’

‘Oh, Gerald, yeah, he’ll be a loss. He’s a nice man. A bit archaic and set in his ways, so I think a new face will be good, but he’ll definitely be missed.’

‘Mmhmm. Soooo, Drew thinks you should apply for the role.’

I pause with my water glass midway between the table and my lips. ‘He does?’

‘Yep.’

Becky is smiling but I’m not sure what kind of response she expects to elicit from me.

Am I supposed to be happy that one of my best friends in the world, the man I run around endlessly for, work tireless hours for, the man I basically kept together in all aspects of his life before he met Becky and, for that matter, the man who wouldn’t have seen sense when it came to asking Becky out without me, now wants rid of me?

‘My best guess is that he blurted that out without thinking. I’m nowhere near qualified enough for the role but honestly, I’m needed where I am.’

I hope, on both counts, that I’m right.

I brush off the kind of comments girl pals give each other, like ‘You’ve got way more transferable skills than you give yourself credit for’ and ‘You’d make a great manager, you’re so organized,’ and ‘You deserve the title and the pay rise.’

I hope it won’t be brought up again. I like my job. Moreover, Drew needs me.

We eat a main course of roast duck, served with locally grown baby potatoes, and a dessert of Eton mess, with freshly picked strawberries from the field right behind the restaurant. Afterward, homemade and hand painted chocolates accompany our coffee.

Thankfully, the conversation moves on to Izzy’s latest exercise and nutrition book, and more wedding details.

When Becky and Jess make a trip to the ladies’ room, Izzy asks me, ‘How are you doing with all this?’

‘The food?’

She smiles sweetly, gently. ‘No, I mean the whole event. The wedding, being around couples. I don’t know if I’m asking the right question, I just think that if it were me and I had lost Brooks, then I’d find these kinds of occasions difficult. I don’t want to put a downer on anything but I want to make sure you’re okay.’

I am both caught off-guard and touched by her sensitivity. So much so, it brings a lump to my throat. I have to swallow it down before I’m able to respond.

‘I’m okay. It is hard, so thank you for asking. I am beyond happy for Jake and Jess and for all of you guys being in couples and so in love. I truly, genuinely couldn’t be happier for all of you. And actually, I normally do quite well at these events. I’ve been to numerous weddings since Danny died but for some reason, this one has me feeling a little out of sorts.’

I pause for a drink, wondering why now, why this wedding. But… ‘I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s the rush of going back to the office and getting here late, then getting stuck in London. Sharing a room with a man who isn’t Danny, which is completely bizarre. Or maybe it’s none of that. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just that time of the month and things are getting me a little more choked than they might otherwise do.’

Izzy’s smile is both empathetic and pitiful, I think. Pity I can’t handle this week.

‘We all love you so much, Sarah. If you need anything, even just five minutes of girl time, you let me know, okay?’

‘I will but I’m fine, honestly.’ I offer a smile that I hope looks more genuine than it feels.

Back at the house, I’m thrilled to see all of the other guests lying and frolicking around the pool. It is a gloriously sunny day and I would be happy to spend the evening – the last evening the bride and groom will spend together before the big day – just being on holiday, soaking up some R ‘n’ R.

Edmond and Becky are laying on a spread to eat tonight and I have planned more silly games for us all to play.

First, I need to change into my bathing suit before I head out to the pool to chill with the others.

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