Page 41 of All I Want For Christmas Is You

“I’m living in a room at my aunt’s lodge. I’m disconnected from my old life, and I haven’t connected to a new one. I’m just so…”

“Lost?”

“Sometimes, when I’m lying in bed at night, I see myself as this satellite moving across the sky. It’s one small part of the galaxy, but it’s separate. It doesn’t really belong anywhere.”

“You belong with your children.”

“I love my kids with everything in me, but I don’t feel…” She didn’t know how to explain it. “I gave them my whole heart and soul, and I thought I was weaving us together, that we’d forever be this one piece of fabric, but what I realized is that I was nothing more than their steward. My job was to guide them to adulthood.”

“Just because you don’t live under the same roof doesn’t mean you’re not still deeply connected.”

“No, I know that. I’m not saying it well. I just mean they have their own lives now. Their own inner lives they don’t share with me anymore. I was a cheerleader, a therapist, a chauffeur, a chef, a nurse…but I launched them, and now, they’re off in the world making their own decisions and living life without me. They love me. They’re loyal to me. But…”

“I get what you mean. Your daughter’s getting married and starting her own branch of the family tree. Connected, but separate.”

“Yes, exactly. And I want to belong so badly. I want to be so tightly woven with another human being that nothing can tear us apart. I thought I had it with my ex, but I was wrong. I was nothing more than an accessory, there to serve him through that period of his life.” She gazed up at the ceiling, seeing his face when he told her he hoped she, too, found an exit ramp. “You don’t discard your person.”

“No, you don’t.” His tone was adamant.

She liked that he got so worked up over what happened to her. Not only did she need the confirmation that it was disgusting, but she didn’t have a protector in her life. Not since her parents died in a car crash her sophomore year of college had anyone ever made her a priority. “I like you, Beau, and it sucks that you’re leaving tomorrow. But maybe we should look at it differently. Maybe the whole point of meeting was to give each other hope. Now, we know this kind of attraction’s possible.” Her brain delivered nice words that her heart wasn’t buying into. She sighed. “I think I’ve waited my whole life to feel this.”

He went dead quiet.

Regret seized her. Why did you say that?

He’s a guy. He doesn’t need you romanticizing your day together. “Sorry. I spend too much time alone.”

Reaching for her, he cupped her chin, forcing her to look at him. “You’re wrong.”

“I am?” About what?

“You think, now that I’ve met you, I’m going back to Calamity, and I’m somehow open to falling in love? Bullshit. I’m not going to find another you. There is no other you.”

Her blood turned molten, and that intense look in his eyes drenched her body in pure aching need. “I don’t like charming men,” she whispered.

“Fuck that. I wouldn’t know charm if it grew out of my ass.” He moved in even closer, his blue eyes burning. “I’ve never felt this way for anyone else, which makes it unlikely I’ll ever feel it again. It’s you. Do you understand me? It’s not like you’ve healed me or unblocked me. I’ve never felt romantic interest before because I hadn’t met you.” His thumb swept over her bottom lip.

He was right. It’s Beau. Only him. He awakened every cell in her body and made them sing.

His gaze caressed her features. “You’re so beautiful. When I look at you, I see someone my heart recognizes but my mind can’t place. I can’t think straight, and everything feels new and exciting. I don’t know how to explain it other than there’s a magnetic field between us, and every time I come near you, I feel the pull.”

“I feel it, too.”

He sucked in a harsh breath, and his fingers tightened on her chin. “Listen to me. If you don’t want me to kiss you right now, I’m going to leave. Because I’ve tried to rein it in, but I’ve reached my limit. I can’t be this close and not get my hands all over you. I need…” His nostrils flared. “More.”

Desire stole her reason, her fight, and her ability to protect herself. Inexorably drawn to him, she sealed her mouth over his and kissed him softly, sweetly…testing. Oh, God. Just a taste of him turned her feral. “You can have as much of me as you want.”

His hand slid up her cheek, his thumb stroking her neck. “Margot.” His voice came out a pained whisper.

“I’m here.” Hers gave permission.

With a growl, his mouth was back on hers. He licked the seam of her lips, and when their tongues touched, a lightning bolt struck her heart. He tilted his head, gaining full access to her mouth before deepening the kiss.

The swirl of his tongue was achingly soft, his mouth silky warm, and his hunger barely leashed. He leaned closer, his fingers sifting into her hair. “I don’t know what’s happening to me.”

She didn’t either. She was dizzy, floating, lost in sensations. It was so much more than lust. It was an intimacy, a desire to consume him, body and soul. Reaching under his shirt, she touched his back, finally, finally getting her hands on his smooth skin. He was so strong and muscular, so hot.

His skin pebbled, and he let out a sigh in her mouth. “I’m leaving tomorrow.”

---