Page 28 of Ready or Knot

And hard.

Eleven

FAEDRA

The sun is warm on my skin as I drag the hotel’s lonesome chair onto the balcony and arrange it in the corner to look out over the water. The sunset is gorgeous, and despite living here for four years, I find myself wanting to take photos of it again. So instead of settling in with the quilting project I showed Logan last week, I unpack my camera from the bag near the front door of my new hotel room, adjusting the lens and settings to make sure it’s capturing in a high enough resolution for large printing.

My mind quiets as the time passes, the nervous energy I’ve had since the guys left early this morning calming. Once the lights along the walkway below turn on and the sun is completely behind the ocean’s horizon, I drag the chair and camera back inside, locking the balcony door before I forget. I pull a few of the photos off the memory card and onto the shared server so that I can post them on my social medias before tucking the camera bag into the larger suitcase and nestle the whole thing under the desk. As I stand back up and reach for the small batch of hexagons I’d planned to finish tonight, my gaze catches on the credit card Carter handed me once they’d helped me into the new hotel room. It sits on the desk next to my bag, seemingly innocuous, but my attention continually draws back to it as if a beacon shines down on it, demanding me to acknowledge its presence. The soldier gilded in gold makes incredulity thread through me again.

A black fucking Amex.

He gave me a black American Express with a shrug of his shoulders and an easy half grin as if it weren’t one of the single most significant signals of extraordinary wealth known to modern culture. Blowing out a breath and shaking my head to clear it, I gather up the quilting supplies and settle on the floor in front of the sofa, putting in one of my headphones and listening to my favorite Harry Styles album.

I’m snipping the thread on my third seam and belting the chorus of the fifth song when my phone rings and Logan’s picture flashes across the screen. My music pauses, and I close it out before setting aside the project and answering the phone, propping it against the coffee table leg a bit to my left.

“Hey, Red,” Logan says, and I smile.

He glances behind him, dropping the phone to lower how loud his shout is as he lets the others know I answered. There’s movement behind him, but he ignores it to ask about my day. While we chat, Carter and Jude come up behind him, and Logan sets the phone down in front of him, far enough away that I can clearly see the three of them.

“Your day was good?” Jude double checks.

I offer a nod and say, “I spent most of the day with my mom while my dad and brother hiked. She loves walking the beach. And then Violet and I got lunch. It’s been good.”

Carter grabs his shoulders, stretching his neck, and I can’t help but focus on how his black tee stretches across his body, moving like it’s been painted on. I clear my throat, ignoring how hot my cheeks have gotten. There’s nothing wrong with being turned on by them. I know that. But my lack of experience still makes me embarrassed more than I’d like.

“I actually wanted to ask you guys about something,” I say after a moment. Carter drops his hands, focusing on me, while Jude lifts an eyebrow.

“What’s up, Red?” Logan asks.

Biting my lip, I twist a piece of hair around my finger before gathering it up and securing it in a claw clip. All of their gazes follow the movement of my throat as I swallow, and my breath stutters for a moment.

“Going off the suppressors is something I’ll need to start doing soon, right?” I pose it as a question even though I don’t wait for them to answer. “I have a doctor out here already. She’s actually the one that’s kept my suppressors up-to-date and has seen me through all three suppressed heats. Would you mind if I saw her before flying out to work out a plan for coming off of them?”

Jude hums before shaking his head, running a hand over his beard. “Of course not, Faedra. Your body is yours, not ours. Do what you feel is best.”

“Alright.” I run my tongue over my bottom lip. “I realize this was something we probably should have discussed while you were out here, but do you want me to go off my birth—”

Logan cuts me off, gaze growing sharp. “That’s not our choice, Faedra.”

His using my actual name makes me pause.

Carter is quick to step in, smoothing over my surprise. “Is that something you were wanting to do?”

I shrug before shaking my head. “I’d like time to settle in. But some packs are…” I blow out a breath. “Well, you know. You’ve spent more time around them than I have.”

Jude makes a derisive grunt, rolling his lips together. Carter adjusts how he stands, tucking his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

Logan is the one who manages to break the silence.

“Any kind of long term family planning shouldn’t happen until you’re out here and settled. If you want to come off of it, that’s fine. We’ll make sure we have other options available.” I blow out a breath. Logan continues before I can say anything. “And you should also know that we’re clean. We all get tested regularly, and I have the results from the most recent time—which was after we got the news of our being shortlisted.”

Relief has my shoulders dropping, the nerves bleeding away from me. I manage a true smile. “Thank you. I, um, am clean, too,” I say.

Being a virgin with no history of partners will do that. The three of them nod.

“I’ll chat with her about options.” I continue before I can blush again. My lack of experience is not something I want to bring up over a video chat. “I’ve been on the shot, but it actually lapsed because it was finals when I needed to get it redone and I didn’t have time.”

“Sounds good, Red,” Logan says, a small smile curving his lips.

---