Page 125 of His Darkest Desire

Kinsley laughed bitterly. “He didn’t mean to, but he made me feel so much worse. He made me feel so broken. Our marriage fell apart after that. We didn’t feel like husband and wife anymore. Sometimes, it didn’t even feel like we were friends. We were like strangers to each other.

“We lived like that for a couple years before Liam asked for a divorce. And even with the way things had been, it hurt so much. I knew it was because he wanted a baby, and I felt like it was selfish of me to deny him the life he’d dreamed of—the family he’d dreamed of. So we went through the divorce proceedings.

“But Liam didn’t want to lose me entirely. He wanted to remain in contact, to remain close. I…I thought at the time that I didn’t want to lose him either. I thought that despite everything, it was sweet that he still wanted to be there for me, to support me. He’d been my best friend for so long… I didn’t know what else to do or say. So we kept in touch. I understand now that he didn’t want to keep in touch to help me through it. He wanted to make himself feel better. To alleviate his own guilt.

“He ended up remarrying within a year, and when I saw pictures of him with his new wife and how happy they were, all I could think was why wasn’t I enough? Why couldn’t he have been happy with me? Why didn’t he simply love me for me? And when he announced that they were expecting their first baby…it killed me inside.”

Kinsley stroked her thumb against Vex’s hand. “And still, I couldn’t bring myself to break ties with him. But I knew I needed to get away, to work on myself, to just…be free and start anew. To find my worth. So, I saved as much money as I could and came here. Well, not here, but London, where I stayed with my aunt until I could find a place of my own. I finally found a cottage to let in the Scottish Highlands…”

“And here you are,” Vex said softly.

Kinsley shifted, releasing his hand and turning in his embrace to face him. Water lapped at the sides of the tub. Her violet-blue eyes were made brighter by the tears she had shed.

“Here I am,” she echoed softly. “But I didn’t need to move across the world to find my worth. I am worthy, and I always have been. Liam was going through his own struggles, but that doesn’t excuse anything. I deserved so much more than him, more than what he made me feel. I’m not broken. I never was. And I’ll never let anyone or anything make me think otherwise again.”

Vex took her face between his hands and brushed away the tears from her cheeks. “Would that I could take back my words, my actions… I am sorry, Kinsley. Sorry to have made you feel that way. Sorry you’ve endured so much. But you need never again bear such burdens alone.”

She lifted her hand from the water and placed it over his heart. “It hurt when you left after I told you the truth, but I understand. I couldn’t imagine being trapped for so long in one place, unable to leave, never seeing another person…” Kinsely searched his eyes. “I still can’t believe you’re choosing me over your freedom. And really, I wouldn’t blame you if you chose otherwise. I don’t want you to be trapped here.”

“Ah, my moonlight.” Vex smoothed her hair back and leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. “My imprisonment has naught to do with you.” He kissed her eyelids, her nose, her cheeks, tasting the saltiness of her tears. “And truth be told, I don’t feel quite so trapped anymore. Without you, I’d be a husk, a vessel overflowing with bitterness and fury. A beast raging at the bars of its cage.”

He tilted her face more toward his and pressed his lips over hers, instilling the kiss with all the warmth and tenderness brimming in his chest. “With you, I am home. I am free in a way I never imagined.”

“Vex…” She’d spoken his name in a whisper, in a gentle, pleading cry before she rose and kissed him again. Kinsley slipped her arms around his neck, pressing her soft breasts to his chest.

Vex wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. Their lips were caressing, tender, and fervent, conveying through touch all the unexpressed emotions and unspoken words roiling inside him and Kinsley. Arousal flared within him, but he ignored it. This kiss was not about lust. It was about comfort. It was about two souls seeking solace in one another. It was about two hearts beating as one.

When Kinsley broke the kiss, she did not pull away; she lay atop him, twirling her fingers in his hair, which hung down past the water line. “Can I ask you a question? And I understand if you don’t want to answer.”

He trailed his hand slowly up and down her back, grazing her skin with his claws. “There shall be no more secrets between us. Ask, and I will answer.”

Her eyes met his. “Why did the fae queen want you to father her child?”

To his surprise, her question did not stir the dread it might have only days before. All he’d suffered remained with him—the pain and anger had not simply vanished—but it was muted now. It was controllable. Manageable.

“I cannot claim to know what thoughts dwelt behind those cold eyes,” he said, unable to keep his mouth from sinking into a frown. “Nor would I want to. But she was known to take lovers at a whim. Beauty and power attracted her equally, and she coveted both. She collected consorts the way other monarchs might collect pieces of jewelry. And from such unions, she birthed numerous offspring, unique in beauty and power. Yet they were naught more than experiments to her. Pets. Things to be used, whether for entertainment or war.

“When she learned of me, she was intrigued by my magic. My resistance to her interest only strengthened her curiosity. For one such as her, being denied can sometimes be a novelty. And she was relentless in her pursuit of me. Foolishly, I eventually accepted her invitation to her court, hoping my appearance would appease her curiosity that I might go about my life in peace.”

Vex’s fingers flexed, briefly disrupting the steady up and down rhythm of his hand along Kinsley’s back. “I went as the mysterious, magic-shrouded master of an independent realm. But she saw through my illusions. She saw the lowly goblin who’d defied her, who wielded power beyond his due. She saw an unseelie who stirred deep, burning desire within her. An unseelie she longed to possess.

“She held me in her palace against my will. Used me. And I continued to defy her as best I could. She treated it as a game, delighted to have a toy that would not break like the rest. But her amusement—and her patience—had its limits. The visage of authority and control she displayed to others began to crack around me. She called me a vexation. Irritating but ultimately unimportant.”

Kinsley’s brow furrowed. “Vex. You told me it was what I did to you, and what I should call you.”

Despite everything, he chuckled. “Yes, and you did vex me, little human, by defying me at every turn. And in so doing, you held up a mirror by which I glimpsed what I had become. What I was doing.”

“Why would you call yourself that?”

“To spite her. To ensure she would be reminded every time she heard it, every time she spoke it, that regardless of the words she chose, I was the thorn in her side. The one thing she could never master, could never truly own. The one thing she would never fully have.”

He ran his claws through Kinsley’s hair and traced the line of her spine, delighting in the little shiver he elicited from her. “But you are no vexation, Kinsley. You are my everything.”

She smiled, but that smile slipped as sadness filled her eyes. “Why would you continue to use a name you took because of the queen?”

“At first, it was to continue my defiance, despite the curse. It was…hope, in its own twisted way. But over time, it became who I am. Vex is not my rage or bitterness, is not my regret or guilt. Vex is simply…me. The name does not belong to her. It never did. It has always been mine, though I was slow enough to claim it as such.”

“But she has your true name,” Kinsely said quietly. “While you were healing, I…saw her force you into that deal. I couldn’t hear you, but I know you said it.”

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