Page 97 of A War of Embers

He sighs like I’m purposely being pitiful. “You belong to me.”

Oh. Sliding my hands around his slippery sides, I lean into his embrace as the warm water falls around us, steam rising in the air. “We belong to each other.”

“Damn right we do.” Rowan looks extremely pleased with my response, dipping down to kiss me briefly. Stepping away, he ducks his head under the water and washes himself off quickly. “I know your mind is already spinning, so ask away.”

Apparently he doesn’t know me as well as he believes because my mind and body are calm. However, now that he’s put the idea in my head, talks of war, missing children, and my fate begin to fill up my mind at an alarming rate. Pinching his bicep, I glare. “I was happy to have a moment of peace, you know.”

He grins wolfishly. “Sorry. I thought you would immediately start thinking about the next step in life like usual.” His voice softens, the smile still on his face. “I didn’t realize I bring you peace.”

Even though my body is still moving, rinsing soapy water off, my insides freeze. Rowan brings me peace. He quiets my mind, settles my heart, and allows my body not to bombard me with emotions or be in a constant state of guilt. I thought being in the Cliff of Embers would be the only way to find peace; it never occurred to me I could find it in someone.

Realizing my mind is spinning, he cups my chin and brings my gaze to his. Whatever he sees on my face has his green eyes softening. “You never realized before that I can calm you down? I’ve been trying to tell you to use me as a lifeline to bring yourself back from the edge. Now you know why.”

Because no matter how far I’m willing to go to reach the end of my life, Rowan will always pop up in my mind, demanding attention with his whispered prayers for me to return. Swallowing roughly, I don’t say anything back. There’s no point when he already knows the truth. Somehow, some way, he dug himself into a part of me I thought was long numb, never to feel again. And it scares the absolute shit out of me.

Pressing another kiss to my temple, Rowan whispers, “You bring me peace, too.”

“Will we survive this?” The impending war? The ability to go against Lady Gwenyth and her consorts rulings? Will he survive my death if it comes down to it? So many questions begin to bubble up in my mind like a tidal wave, ready to crash us back down into the realm instead of the bubble we’ve surrounded ourselves in over the past hour.

“Yes, Keres, we will survive,” Rowan vows. “The District rulers in Tellus will no longer take from us. They do not know what kind of wrath they have invoked stealing from me and my people. Some people will die on both sides, it’s inevitable in any war, but our body count will be far less I can assure you that.”

The strength Rowan uses to speak quiets my mind. He’s right. The power he holds is far greater than anything I’ve been shown in Tellus, but that doesn’t make him infallible. “What if we fail?”

“We won’t.”

“Rowan, be serious,” I press. He needs to think about the consequences that could come from going against Tellus, a much larger realm, in war. The fact Aïdes has a mere fraction of the population should be cause for concern.

“I am.” He braces his hands on my shoulders. “Listen to me carefully. There’s a reason they’ve not waged war here since the Province Wars. They’re not capable of defeating me. They stole children of my creatures to try and best me when they came of age. They will not win, little monster, I swear it to you.”

I believe he believes in what he’s saying, but a knot still forms in my gut. The children taken, much like me, will still answer when the one controlling their soul calls upon them. One thing’s for sure, if Lady Gwenyth crosses the Blood Sea, she’ll have free reign of control over those housed inside of me. To protect innocent lives, I need them removed. I need a High Lord or Lady so I can join Rowan in his war to protect his people.

My gaze cuts across Rowan’s as he closes his eyes, tilting his head back under the water once again. I have to leave him if I plan to help save him. I need to venture to the Godlands. A lump of emotion claws at my heart and throat, blurring my eyes briefly. I don’t want to go back across the sea where things will no doubt turn out to be worse. But I can’t help if I’ll just become one more killing machine once the war begins.

Determination beats at my mind as I settle on finding a way to gain access to a High Lord or Lady before the war can begin. The library might have answers that don’t require me going across the sea. Surely some of them chose not to reside fully in the Godlands.

I cannot let the Slayer of Cinnabar loose on Rowan’s people.

Alyvia stares at me with wide eyes as I drag her towards an empty hallway so I can summon Rowan’s private study. Her mouth parts, a squeak coming out in a breathless tone but no words escape. She’s reeling by what I just said.

To be fair, I’m not choosing to do this on my own anymore. Even with Alyvia’s help involving the dragon and witch, I know this isn’t something her heart is fully set on to help me die. So when I came to her thirty minutes ago, propositioning her on helping me get the immortal souls out by finding a High Lord or Lady hiding in Aïdes, she looked astonished.

“You want to remove just the immortal souls?” Alyvia manages to ask.

“For now.” After the war is fought, when Rowan’s people are safe, I’ll reevaluate my option to die. As long as my death doesn’t impact anyone else, then I think my freedom will be earned. Saving countless other lives can help balance the scales of death in my favor for once, and I fully plan on taking advantage of it.

Her brow furrows. “But I don’t think we have any High Lords residing here. They never got involved in the Province Wars,” Alyvia rushes to say. “Do you really think they’ll side with Tellus?”

To be fair, the High Lords and Ladies live there, so it seems reasonable to me that they would pick the side of the realm they prefer. If they’re meant to be protecting the essence of their power, the portal that originally brought them here, then they would do anything to protect it including side with the Lords and Ladies ruling the Districts. “Yes, I do.”

She blows out a breath as we round the corner to an empty hallway finally. When the door suddenly appears in the wall, Alyvia squawks in surprise, nearly jumping out of her own skin. Not giving her time to contemplate why this is a bad idea, I thrust open the door and drag her fumbling body inside. The door slams shut behind us but doesn’t disappear thankfully.

“Alright,” I say while releasing her. “This is Rowan’s private study. It’s where I got the jewels to bribe those creatures from. But now we’re going to look for maps and any mention of a High Lord or Lady at all. Once we gather everything we need then we’ll narrow down our search.”

Alyvia gapes as she looks around. “This place is a disaster. What happened here?”

Grimacing, I realize Rowan never picked up after his epic tantrum. “Rowan got a little angry when I went to the Cliff of Embers without consulting anyone first.”

“You call this,” she sweeps her gaze around the tattered room, “a little angry?”

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