Page 75 of A War of Embers

He makes a tsking noise. “Not very nice.”

“What do you care?” I snap as I twirl around in a circle. “You’re planning something here, aren’t you? What if I destroy everything?” Surely that would get his attention.

But the bastard laughs. “Go ahead. Everything is replaceable. If you think this is where I plan anything, you have no idea what kind of lair you’ve trapped yourself in. It’s almost sad enough to make me want to release you from this pairing, but I’m not that selfless.”

“I don’t understand why you chose me,” I snap. “Lady Cirilla has been wanting to have your babes for a while. Wouldn’t she be the better choice?”

“Jealous of what she’s offering?” Rowan chuckles. “She’s too weak, Keres.”

“But I’m not?” I scoff. Lady Cirilla could kill me if I had any normal immortal soul.

“You can stand up to what I am.”

A monster. “You turn into a giant snake, is that it?” I glare as I turn around the room.

Rowan laughs deeply, the sound vibrating over my skin. “No. I don’t turn into a snake. I find I simply enjoy their forms.”

Fuck. What is he? “Then what are you?”

“You’re not ready for that.”

A lie. He’s always lying. Telling me one thing while meaning another. “At some point this game you’re playing with me will come to an end. I’ll die.”

“I believe I already rectified that.”

“There are more powerful beings out there than you.” The High Lords and Ladies, for one. Even Rowan wouldn’t be able to combat their magic.

“You would have to cross the Blood Sea again,” Rowan chuckles. “You aren’t going anywhere. Sereia would never allow you back in her domain. Especially carrying my mark on your skin. It's a blatant warning to everyone.”

I never planned on going back to Tellus. Going to the Godlands is risky, far more so than jumping into the Blood Sea and there's no guarantee they would even see me. But his comment gives me enough pause to wonder if they're my only hope now. It's better than doing nothing at all. “You can’t trap me here,” I tell him.

“It’s for your own safety.”

“My safety?” I scoff. “So there is something going on.” I stare down at the wreckage of the maps and documents on the floor. “Are you planning on invading Tellus? Are they coming here?”

“Let it go, Keres. It’s none of your concern.”

“You can’t just talk to me, can you?” I snap. “You force yourself on me–”

He suddenly appears in front of me, his nostrils flaring wide as he glares. “I ask, every time, if you want to fuck. Do not insinuate I force myself on you. It's a lie.”

“I’m not talking about sex!” I yell. “You’re forcing me to live here, with you, and not die. You’re taking my choices away, Rowan.”

“You have no idea what kind of choice you’re trying to pick. You’re barely living!” he roars back.

“Because I’m a monster!” I scream, gaining his full attention now. I jab my finger into his chest. “That’s what you call me. I’m a monster. I kill people. I hurt others. It’s what I do. What I’ve always done. I’m so tired, Rowan. Please. I just want to be at peace.”

For a long moment he stares at me, his face becoming blurry behind the tears in my eyes. His voice is slow, calm as he responds. “I call you little monster because you are tough, you are worthy, you are desperate to claw your way out of the hell you’ve been in and you deserve the world. You deserve everything, do you understand?”

No, I don’t. “You barely know me.”

“I know enough. I know your soul.” He taps my chest right over my heart. “I know you carry yourself with more pride, more strength than half the Lords and Ladies in existence. You are meant for so much more than death. You need time to see it.”

“I don’t–”

“You do,” Rowan interrupts, his voice clipped like he’s done arguing. “If you actually were suffering, I never would have marked you. I understand your mind and heart are in a different place. A place full of pain that I cannot go to rectify. But you are not there. You are here, where you belong. I never would have reached for you if your soul wanted to die.” He leans forward and brushes a kiss across my forehead. “You want to die to escape. To stop the emotions and the past from repeating. I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve done terrible things in my life as well.”

“Then you know why I want to rest. Why I refuse to let anyone else take my place.” My mind skips back to the note in the document about immortals finding eternal rest at the Cliff of Embers, even if they are not yet released from their souls. Maybe that’s the option I need to be seeking.

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