My mother did, once upon a time.
It cost me my life.
Despite my efforts to slow down, before I knew it, it was October thirtieth, the day before Halloween and three days before my birthday on All Souls’ Day. Before Mami rescued me and I became Luz, my birthday had been on Halloween.
My attempts to convince Autumn that I wasn’t interested in going out to celebrate either Halloween or my birthday were even less successful.
It had gotten so bad that I’d taken to camping out in my room to avoid her. Clearly, I hadn’t mastered the whole friendship thing yet.
Part of me knew that avoiding her was immature and ultimately unhelpful. Still, Autumn was my first real connection since my mother, and I wasn’t ready to risk another confrontation with her so soon. Not when both Halloween and my birthday would pass in a couple of days, and this would all be behind us.
She would forgive me this one weekend.
On the bright side, being a coward gave me plenty of time to catch up on my schoolwork. I was still about two weeks ahead in most of my classes, but I knew we were heading into midterm season, after which it was a mad rush of assignments and presentations until the end of the term.
Part of me was also frustrated that Autumn was pushing the whole thing so much. It was as if she had completely forgotten what a mess it had been the first and only time we went out.
Unfortunately, I knew what her argument would be in response.
“But at least we got to meet Aaron . . .”
I still didn’t get what it was about his friendship that appealed to Autumn, but at least he had stuck to his word and escorted her to and from most of her classes after dark. The Phillimore girl remained missing, along with the others, and I couldn’t shake my suspicion that something horrible had happened to them.
Just because I didn’t want to go to a Halloween party with Autumn didn’t mean I wanted anything to happen to her.
Which was exactly why I shouldn’t have to justify my desire to stay home to her. Students were missing, some psycho was nailing animal hearts to doors, and she wanted to put on costumes and go to a party and pretend like nothing was wrong?
Sometimes I wondered if I wasn’t the only one playing a part here and failing horribly at pretending to be normal.
I chewed on my lip and tried to force my mind back to my studying.
It wasn’t just the ominous sense on campus that we were all just waiting for another student to go missing, or even worse, a body to finally turn up (although that should be reason enough for a girl to want to stay in).
What Autumn didn’t understand, and what I couldn’t tell her, was that this was my first birthday on my own since Mami had died. The idea of celebrating the beginning of the life she created for me was too much now that she was gone. I wasn’t ready to think about it, not with everything that was going on.
No, all I wanted to do was spend the weekend cozied up in bed with my sweatpants, some horror flicks, and a large stash of Halloween candy, pretending nothing was wrong in the world.
Refusing to let myself dwell on it anymore, I decided to try switching up what I was studying. Maybe next month’s reading for Intro to Japanese would prove to be more interesting than chipping away at my final essay for ECON200. I had been working on it since my first week of classes, determined to put together a paper that not even Professor Locke Blackwell could find fault in.
When my readings failed to hold my attention, I wound up procrastinating and wasting time online by window shopping. I would go to a store, fill up my shopping cart with all sorts of beautiful things, head to check out and then just walk away. I was on a strict budget, but there was something oddly satisfying about the fantasy of it all.
The twins would no doubt be out at the parties this weekend, which meant I probably wouldn’t have my usual shadows lurking in the background. If Autumn went out with Aaron and Melody, which seemed likely, I would be truly and utterly alone for the first time in a while.
The thought left an uncomfortable sensation in my stomach, and I wasn’t sure if it was fear or disappointment. For so many years, it was just Mami and me, and in the last couple of years, it was often just me.
Now, I had barely been at university for two months, and suddenly, I was panicking about spending the night safely behind a locked door.
Was I becoming a coward? Or worse, a people person?
I shook my head and decided it was time to admit defeat on the studying front. I needed a proper break if I was getting this distracted.
Just then, a familiar knock sounded, and Autumn’s voice came from behind my door. “Luz, are you in there?”
I sighed and saved my notes on my laptop before shutting it down.
It was time to face the music.
Chapter nineteen