Page 89 of Before I Tell You

I want to feel … ok.

I let out a deep breath as I bring the wine glass to my lips, finishing every last drop. As I am about to get up and pour myself a second glass, the front door swings open, and I sit up on the sofa in alarm. Nathan walks in, slamming the door behind him. He leans against it with his eyes closed, trying to catch his breath, looking like he just ran up all five flights of stairs.

Oh my God. Did he?

“You know I was just teasing when I told you to hurry back,” I say in between laughter.

Sounding quite winded, he says, “The elevator was taking too long, so I just ran up the five flights of stairs. I couldn’t get here fast enough.” A big mischievous smile appears on his handsome face.

“Looks like someone needs to add more cardio to their workouts,” I tease.

His eyes move from the empty wine glass in my hand back to my face. “Now that you mention it, there is acardioposition I’ve been wanting to try with you.”

Damn, he knows just what to say to turn that throbbing pulse on between my legs. “Oh really? Because I’ve been wanting—” but I stop myself. I need to tell Nathan the truth. Right now.

I can do this. Deep breaths.

My palms begin to sweat, and my pulse quickens as I set the wine glass on the table beside me. I look straight at Nathan, feeling ready, or ready as I will ever be, for what I am about to tell him. “Nathan, there’s something I need to talk to you about.”

His sweet smile fades, and he confidently strides toward me with darkened eyes that hypnotize my own until he’s standing directly in front of me. “Hold that thought,” he notes right before scooping me up from the sofa and throwing me over his shoulder.

“Nathan!” I manage to squeal through a fit of laughter, which sends all notions of Brian to the back of my mind, locked away for the moment, as he takes me into the bedroom.

* * *

A little while later, I’m curled up against Nathan’s chest, tracing my finger up and down his muscular arm that’s wrapped tightly around my waist.

“I’m very glad you hurried back.” I shift under his arm, facing him.

“Oh, baby, so am I,” Nathan says before kissing my forehead. He falls back, pulling me onto his chest while keeping one arm wrapped around me and his other arm folded behind his head. “My mom likes you.” He starts combing his fingers through my hair, which probably looks like sex hair right now. “And before you think otherwise, she told me herself.”

“Well, that’s a relief. I don’t know why I was so worried. I just knew how important this was to you and wanted it to go perfectly. But I’m so glad I met her. She seems like a really incredible mom.”

“She is.” He stares at the ceiling, lost in thought.

“She’s lucky to have such a great son like you,” I add, meaning every word. Nathan doesn’t say anything. “Hey,” I bring my hand up to his cheek, “what’s wrong?”

“I wish there was more I could do for her. For them. I can’t tell you how much it bothers me that I’m here in Boston while the two of them are practically forced into hiding. Sometimes it feels like the guilt is just eating away at me.” I can feel his body tense beneath me with frustration.

“There’s nothing for you to feel guilty about. This is your father’s doing, not yours.” The wince he makes at the word “father” doesn’t go unnoticed. I nuzzle my head into his chest before asking, “Are they any closer to finding him?”

“No. There has been no sign of him. Maybe he left for good this time.” He starts running his hand up and down my back, giving me goosebumps. “But I don’t know. Something just doesn’t feel right.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s just they’ve never not been able to find him before. This time feels different. I mean, the last time I saw him, so much anger raged in his bloodshot eyes. It’s like he had no ounce of my father left inside him. I saw only a monster. And it scared me.” He goes quiet, waiting for a reaction from me, but I don’t want him to know the fear I feel at this moment, so I hold him tighter, unsure of what the right thing is to say.

As if he’s reading my thoughts, Nathan says, “It’s nice being able to talk to you about this. I know it’s a lot to take in, but just having you here listening to me means more than you know.”

“That’s what girlfriends do.” My lips touch his cheek, and I bring the blankets up around me as exhaustion takes over.

He smiles at my words and pushes my hair away from my eyes. “I guess that makes me your boyfriend then, huh?”

I nod then yawn. He tenderly grabs my face in his hands and goes in for a kiss as he flips me over onto my back. Within a split second, he has me pinned under his body, restraining my hands above my head.

Holding himself above me, he looks achingly into my eyes. “There is something else I want to talk to you about before you fall asleep, beautiful.”

I can feel my nerves set in motion. “Yes?”

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