Page 73 of Before I Tell You

“Well, I was just wondering … what are your plans for tonight in New Hampshire?”

“I don’t know. Hadn’t really thought about it. I’m sure it will just be a bunch of guys drinking and being stupid. Nothing too exciting,” I assure her, hoping that might end the conversation since the throbbing between my legs reminds me that I desperately need to be inside her.

“It’s just, speaking of being stupid—” she starts to say, but I cut her off because I know exactly where her over-anxious mind is going with this.

“If you think I would even consider being with another woman when I’m lucky enough to be with you, well, I’m going to stop you right there. You are all I want,” I say right before kissing her forehead. “So please get that worry out of your head.”

Natalie and I have never talked about it, but I know she has anxiety. I saw it firsthand when we were younger. There were moments when she would become eerily quiet and her eyes would look like they were on the verge of tears as she gave in to the negative voices looming in her mind. But as soon as she snapped back, she would plaster a smile on her face and pretend like nothing had just fazed her.

However, lately, it seems like her anxiety has spiraled out of her control. Like when I found her in the corn maze having a panic attack. It broke my heart to witness her huddled on the ground and shaking with tears staining her cheeks. I regret how loud my voice was when I first found her, but I was so scared. I didn’t know what to do. But I promised myself I would be better prepared next time if there ever was a next time, which is why I spent a lot of time researching anxiety after that day.

Hell, it even gave me a reason to visit the campus library for the first time. I never knew how many books have been written about mental health, and thank God they exist because it helped me understand anxiety better. I compiled a list of the best therapists in the area, ordered her a monogrammed journal so she could write down everything taking up space in her head, and learned breathing exercises that can help relax her mind.

And when she’s ready to talk to me about it, I’ll be here for her. Because I want to be able to take care of her. No, let me rephrase that. I need to be able to take care of her. And I will.

So it pains me to think that she would worry about me being with someone else when that is never going to happen.

Never.

Her hand rolls down the rest of the condom over me. “Ok, but let’s be clear on one thing. I’m the lucky one.”

And with that, she slides every hard inch of me inside her.

A few moments later, the two of us are lying on the couch, catching our breath. I feel Natalie’s chest rising up and down as I hold her. I lay my head back against the arm of the couch and close my eyes, exhausted from the lack of sleep I’ve had these past few nights.

But again … not complaining.

“Have a rough night?” she teases.

“Oh, you have no idea. Some hot blonde kept me up and had me and my dick working overtime.” I laugh and hear her giggle, so I open my eyes to find her looking at me. But suddenly, her smile fades. “Hey, what are you thinking about?”

“Oh, nothing,” she responds, quickly looking away and nuzzling against my chest.

“You’re nervous about meeting my mom tomorrow, aren’t you?” A few days ago, I let Natalie know that my mom and brother are coming to visit on Saturday, and I thought it might be a good time for them to meet. Natalie has met my mom in passing throughout the years but never officially, and never as my … well, damn, how do I introduce Natalie to my mom? I guess I haven’t really thought about that part.

“Yeah, I guess I am,” Natalie responds.

“Don’t be. My mom is going to love you.” I take her hand in mine and lightly squeeze it. “There’s no way she wouldn’t. It’s not possible.”

“I just know how important this is to you. Especially after you mentioned that you have never introduced anyone to her before.”

“That’s because I was never with anyone I wanted my mom to meet.” I put a smile on and softly squeeze her thigh to get her to smile too, which she does.

“You kind of like me, don’t you?” she playfully asks with a wink.

“Nah, I don’t like you. I really fucking like you.” I roll on top of Natalie and look down into her beautiful eyes before leaning down and kissing her softly on her forehead, cheeks, and finally on her perfect lips.

* * *

As the sun begins to set, I pull into the driveway of what used to be my off-campus house in New Hampshire. The place looks just the same as the day I left it. The grass is well overdue for a cut, the siding needs a fresh coat of paint, and a large crowd of people is making its way inside for the usual Friday night festivities.

It wasn’t much, but it was the place I called home for the two years I went to school here.

I grab my bag out of the car and make my way up to the front door, hearing music blaring from inside the house. People are coming and going through the front door that’s been left wide open. I’m immediately greeted with cheers and shouts from some familiar faces when I walk in. These are the same people I had spent many Friday and Saturday nights with over the past two years. Nostalgia overtakes me, making me feel like I never actually left this place.

“Dude, so good to see you!” My friend Paul walks up and hands me a cold beer.

“Hey, man, how have you been?” I ask, gladly taking the can.

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