Page 44 of Before I Tell You

“What did you do to fix things?” I ask, taking a seat on the dock again.

“I apologized.” He looks over at me. “I apologized over and over again and then again a little more until she finally believed I was genuinely sorry.”

“What did you do, if you don’t mind me asking?” Now I’m curious.

He laughs a little while he rubs his forehead. “Ah, I kind of ruined our one-year anniversary.” He holds his hands up in defense. “I know. It was a big mistake on my part. She had a whole night planned out for us, but in all fairness, she didn’t realize when she made the plans that our anniversary happened to fall on the same night as the World Series.” He takes his glasses off to clear the lenses before putting them back on his face and continuing. “Well, let’s just say I showed up to dinner a little late and a little under the weather, ruining the night. I felt like a total asshole. The next day, she packed a bag and went straight to her sister’s house. It was the worst week of my life.”

“Then what happened?” I ask, curiosity now getting the best of me.

“Well, that was almost three years ago. Now we’re engaged with plans to be married next summer.” A huge smile lights up his face. “The point is, I apologized, and she forgave me because that’s what you do when you love someone. It can be that simple if you let it be.”

I nod and look down at the ocean below my dangling feet, letting his words sink in.

“What happened?” Greg asks.

“Well, to be honest, I don’t even know.” I let out a deep sigh. “Maybe I pushed her to try and tell me something that she wasn’t ready to talk about. I didn’t stop to listen. I just kept pushing her like an asshole. I just … I care about her a lot actually. So much so I’d even take a bullet for her. Wouldn’t even need to think about it. I’ve known her for almost half my life. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her.”

“Did you tell her this?” he asks.

“No, cause I’m an idiot. And I’m not sure I’ll have a chance to since it kind of seems like she’s avoiding me now.” I run a very frustrated hand through my hair. “It feels over before it even really got started.”

Greg nods in understanding before standing up. He places his hand on my shoulder and gives me an encouraging smile. “If she’s the one, everything will work itself out. You’ll see.”

“I hope you’re right,” I respond.

But was he?

On Sunday, after I dropped Natalie off at her house, I drove back to school alone, which made the three-hour drive feel longer than it actually was. When I got back to my dorm room, it was empty as usual. I fought with myself for half the night to call her, but what would I even say? Eventually, I threw my phone to the other side of the room and went to bed, hoping to somehow magically wake up and find that everything was back to normal.

When my alarm went off the following day, the realization hit me that I would see Natalie in our film class that afternoon. This thought made me eager to get out of bed and start my day, which is exactly what I did. My morning classes dragged as I watched the clock tick slowly until it was finally time for History of Films.

I was one of the first people in the class and took my seat feeling pretty tense. I didn’t know what I should say or do. Should I say something to her first, or should I wait for her to say something to me? I had practiced a potential conversation in my head at least a hundred times that morning, hoping to put things back to the way they were, but when the professor started the movie, I knew Natalie wouldn’t be coming to class.

Was she avoiding me?

My phone sat on my desk taunting me as I argued with myself about texting her, but ultimately, I put my phone in my backpack and decided against it. If she wanted to talk, she would call or text me; I had to give her space.

Maybe space was what she needed.

The next few days had passed by in a blur. I was doing everything I could to keep my mind off Natalie, which meant hitting the batting cages with Tim and picking up more shifts at work. Both baseball and being around the ocean gave me a certain calmness I could never find in anything else.

But now, it had been almost a week since I had seen or heard from Natalie, and I could only blame myself. I knew I shouldn’t have pushed her to talk to me in the car, pleading with her to tell me what was going on. I should have dropped the subject altogether. I should have waited for her to want to tell me what was bothering her and be there with open arms and a shoulder for her to cry on. Be the kind of guy she needed. But I fucked everything up.

The thing was, something inside me really needed to know what happened to herthatnight. The idea that something serious might have happened, well, it’s been eating away at me every night, leaving me exhausted as I rack my brain for answers.

And I know she said it had nothing to do with Brian, but I can’t help but think she was … lying.

Why?

But even if a small part of me thinks she’s lying to me, I still need to believe her. I need to trust her. I need to hope that she gives me a chance to apologize, and most importantly, I need to never bring any of this up to her again. And maybe that would fix everything between us.

Although, seeing as we have class together in just a couple of hours, I guess I will find out. Of course, I don’t know if she will actually be there or not, but the anticipation of it has been driving me crazy.

“Why don’t you take off early?” Greg suggests, bringing me out of my daze.

“Yeah, I think I just might. Thanks.” I make my way to the locker room to change out of my uniform and into my jeans and a sweatshirt before returning to campus for class.

Half of me expects her seat to be empty when I walk into the classroom, but then I see her. She’s sitting in her regular seat, quietly staring out the window. My heart begins to sprint as I walk to my spot beside her.

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