Page 16 of Before I Tell You

“I wasn’t trying to give you some kind of line, Natalie. I really meant what I said.” His eyes are begging me to believe him.

I look away from him but can feel his gaze still on me, so I look back and instantly regret it. He has no idea what those dark eyes do to me, and after only an instant, I’m lost inside them. Those eyes that, for years, I’ve dreamed about.

If only you knew why nothing could ever happen between us.

He looks like he is about to say something, so I hastily cut him off before he has a chance.

“Well, I better be going.” I move my eyes back down to the floor. “I’m supposed to meet a friend for coffee. I guess I’ll see you in class.” I get up from my chair and leave as quickly as possible, not giving him a chance to say anything else. As soon as I exit the room, a weight lifts off my chest, and I feel like I can breathe again.

I snag a seat on a bench outside the library entrance and take a deep breath, waiting for my heartbeat to slow down.I grip the edges of the bench and let my head rest against the brick wall behind me until my breathing returns to normal.

How am I going to make it through a whole semester with Nathan only sitting inches away from me?

I let out one final big breath, tuck the loose strands of hair behind my ears and then make my way to the campus coffee shop.

Entering it, I see Sarah sitting at a table with a coffee in her hand and wave to her as I go up to the counter to order an iced caramel latte, one of my favorite treats. After the barista hands me my drink, Sarah and I walk back to our apartment building.

“So, how was your first day? I remember mine. I didn’t want to be late, so I started running when I heard the bell go off from the clock tower in the center of campus and ended up tripping into my first class, falling face first in front of everyone already in their seats. I was so horrified that I skipped the rest of my classes that day,” she says, laughing.

“Well, it’s safe to say mine wasn’t nearly as traumatic. Overall, I’d say it wasn’t so bad. It was actually kind of … enjoyable.” That is until I found out I would be spending the rest of the semester sitting by Nathan several days a week. The one man I had always wanted and now couldn’t have.

Torture. That’s what this semester is going to be. Absolute torture.

“That’s great! Sarah says enthusiastically. “Tomorrow, I start my internship at a big fancy bank, so unfortunately, I won’t be on campus, but if you want to grab drinks or anything tomorrow night, just let me know.”

“Wow, that’s so exciting. Is it far?” I ask as we enter the main lobby of our apartment building. The concierge gives us both friendly smiles as we wave to him on our way to the elevator.

“No, it’s just a few blocks away. Plus, my boss is a real babe, so at least I’ll have some eye candy to keep me occupied.” We both laugh at this.

I’m happy for Sarah, but now that means I have no one to walk with me to and from campus tomorrow.

We say our goodbyes after we get to our floor, and I step inside my apartment, pleased to be home. I drop my bag on the kitchen island and lie down on my sofa, pulling a blanket up around me as tiredness washes over me. I’m relieved that the first day of classes went pretty smoothly.

Well, except for the Nathan part.

Why did he have to be in my class?

When I was younger, I always daydreamed about being one of the girls Nathan took out on a date. Sometimes I would hear him talk about those nights with his friends. They would try so hard to get him to spill details about any intimate moments, but he never did. They couldn’t get a word out of him.

It made me like him even more.

But I knew I would never be one of those lucky girls. Nathan would never see me as more than his best friend’s sister’s friend.

“It would have been nice to see you, though.”

That line keeps playing in my head until I convince myself he didn’t mean anything by it and that I’moverthinkingeverything like I usually do.

And even if he did mean it, there is no way Nathan and I could be friends or even more, for that matter. Not afterthatnight when … But I sit up in a panic and try to think of anything else butthatnight. A night that Nathan and everyone else I know couldneverfind out about.

I pick up my copy ofPersuasion, which is lying on the coffee table in front of me, and spend fifteen minutes reading, but I’m finding it hard to focus on the words. They all start blurring together, so I put the book down, curl up on the sofa, and close my eyes, dreaming of a handsome Humphrey Bogart.

Only what should be Humphrey’s face is instead Nathan’s. He’s wearing a trench coat as the rain comes down hard around us. His arms are wrapped around me so tight, and his dark eyes look deep into mine as he says, “We will always have Paris.”

Six

NATHAN

MY PHONE ON THE small wooden nightstand beside my bed wakes me up at noon to let me know it’s finally Friday.

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