Page 107 of Before I Tell You

“I’m here, baby.” I wrap her up in my arms, holding onto her for dear life. She’s still shaking, even with how warm it is in here, so I lift her onto my lap. “I’m so sorry for everything. God, I really fucked up, Natalie.”

Slowly, she shakes her head. “I-I ne-need to tell you everything.”

“Ok, beautiful, but let’s get you home first. I think a hot shower would do us both some good. How does that sound?”

She nods in agreement and then nuzzles into my chest, closing her eyes. I keep one arm tightly wrapped around her waist while the other drapes securely around her legs.

Making eye contact with Paul in the rearview mirror, I nod to let him know we’re ready to go home.

Thirty-One

NATALIE

“I’M GOING TO TAKE care of you, ok?”

Nathan’s looking down at me like I’m a piece of glass ready to shatter at any minute as his hands lightly cup both sides of my face. I’m feeling emotionally and physically exhausted from tonight, so without hesitation, I say, “Ok.”

We both stand outside the walk-in shower as he fidgets with the knobs to get the water to the perfect temperature. Scalding hot, just the way I like it.

My parents left this evening to spend a few nights at their house in the Cape, and Jason is staying over at Grace’s house, leaving just Nathan and me alone. Well, almost alone. Paul is currently passed out and snoring noisily in one of the guest rooms at the end of the hall.

I like Paul. He’s a big guy with a soft center, reminding me of a giant teddy bear you just want to hug.

Nathan strips himself from his costume, revealing every newly formed bruise and cut on his body, and tosses it to the side before turning to look at me. He waits for my approval, so I nod. Then his hands pull off the top of my outfit, along with my bra, before he kneels to remove my boots and spandex shorts. When he stands up, his eyes narrow in on my arm, and he grips me there gently. I look down and notice a deep black and blue mark on my skin caused by Brian grabbing me forcefully before throwing me down to the ground. My eyes move up to Nathan, who is barely able to control his fury.

His voice comes out rough. “You won’t ever have to fear him again, Natalie. If that asshole even gets within ten feet of you, I will kill him.”

His threat is apromiseto me. A promise I know he will never break.

And it’s at this very moment that I try so hard to think of the reason why I never told Nathan the truth in the first place. But I can’t. This man loves me. And, no, he has never said those three words to me, but he doesn’t have to because I feel it with every bone in my body.

He. Loves. Me.

“Don’t cry, beautiful. It breaks my heart.” His hands come up to my face, wiping away the tears from my cheeks with his thumbs. Tears I didn’t even know were falling until now.

He steps into the shower and holds his hand out for me to take and follow him in. The hot water raining down on my back instantly relieves my achy muscles, and slowly I feel the tension radiating off my shoulders. Nathan reaches down for the bottle of body wash that sits on the shelf. Flicking the cap open, he inhales the heavenly aroma of peaches and apples and smiles.

“Now I know why you always smell so delicious.”

He pours the body wash onto his hands, rubbing them together before lathering it all over my skin, even getting on his knees to scrub the dirt off my legs. Taking the bottle from him, without saying a word, I lather his body, washing away the dried blood on his skin until he is spotless.

Next, Nathan washes my hair, massaging the products into my scalp before rinsing them out, leaving me feeling completely clean from head to toe. He looks me up and down, inspecting his work to make sure he didn’t miss anything. I get the feeling he had been trying to wash away every trace of tonight, knowing it won’t be as easy to fix what can’t be seen.

Physically, I look the same. But mentally, I’m not.

Pressing my face into his chest, I say, “Thank you.”

His long arms wrap around my waist, pulling me in closer. He strokes my wet hair before saying, “Let’s dry you off and get into bed.”

“That sounds good to me,” I respond, holding him a little tighter, not ready to let go because I know that when I do, it will finally be time to tell himeverything.

But first, there is something I need to tell him that I should have told him years ago. Three little words that have been patiently waiting for their moment.

I love you.

* * *

I walk out of the bathroom wearing one of Nathan’s oversized T-shirts and find him sitting in my bed, positioned with his back against the headboard, and wearing only a pair of black boxer briefs. He lifts the blanket and pats the space between his legs, motioning for me to join him. And I do.

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