Page 40 of The Christmas Extra

Chapter Twelve

“It’s still leaningto the left,” Tony said as I lay on the floor holding a sticky-ass evergreen in a waterless stand.

“You said it was leaning right a second ago,” I grunted, shifting the tree for the twentieth time.

“It was, and then you fixed it, but it went too far left.”

I mumbled something very Scrooge-like under my breath. Lying on the hard floor was not doing my back any good. Ellery paraded past, his tail sweeping under my nose, as he tried to scale the tree.

“Hey, no! At least let us get the damn thing up before you climb it,” I snapped. The cat sat down and licked his balls. Right in my face. Typical Ellery. “So is it good?” Tony took a moment to reply. “Let me rephrase that. I know it’s good because we’ve been dicking with this tree for over forty minutes.”

“Yes, it’s perfect. Screw it!” Tony exclaimed.

“That’s what you said last night,” I huffed as I finally tightened the bolts to secure the tree into place. When that was done I rolled to my back with a grunt. Lying on the ground was not my thing. Maybe the Hollywood folks got into yoga with all that rolling around on the floor but not this old grumble pot.

“You weren’t complaining then. Stay there and let me fill up a watering can.”

I rolled my head to the left. There sat a cat butt. Nice. I looked up into the tree, the limbs thick and dark green. Deep in the densest boughs, I spied a small bird’s nest. A little-bitty thing it was, no bigger than the center of my hand.

“Hey, I think there’s a hummingbird nest in our tree,” I called out as my lower lumbar reminded me I was no longer a kid so get up off the motherfucking floor. “Maybe. Maybe it’s a small wren’s nest.”

“That’s wonderful. They say a home will be prosperous if a bird’s nest is found in the holiday tree. Leave it there. Here’s some water.”

He hunkered down and then passed me a bright yellow watering can. “Is this mine?” I asked as I took it and moved to water the tree.

“Hardly. Have you ever owned a thing that needed to be watered?” He sat down crisscross applesauce on the hardwood floor. Yep, he was one of them Hollywood yogis.

“The cat,” I pointed out. Ellery lifted his head from his grooming, gave me a very cat-like deadpan look, and then went back to cleaning his nuts.

“Aside from Ellery. Any plants of any kind?”

“Nope.”

“Then why would you own a watering can?”

“People own a lot of things that they never use.”

“True. No, it’s something that I bought online last week. I thought we could use it to water the potted tomatoes.”

“What potted tomatoes?” I wiggled out from under the tree like a Marine crawling under barbed wire in basic training. Tony shot to his feet to help me get up. I took his offered hands but didn’t really need them. Much.

“The ones we’ll plant in our little garden when we live in Greece.”

He seemed so earnest. I dusted the cat hair from my joggers and then handed the yellow watering can back to him.

“Who said we were living in Greece?” I asked as he futzed with my shirt, pulling it down to cover my belly button like an old mother hen.

“You did.” He paused in his fussing to study me closely. “The hotel on a small Greek island? Your mother’s dream that you want to see become a reality in her name? Any of that sound familiar?”

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