Page 76 of A Toast for Laurent

“It is me, though. I’ve been hiding and letting fear control me for so long, I don’t know who I am without it.” I stepped back, breaking our connection.

“No! This is all hypothetical bullshit.”

“Yes,” I said around a sob. “But that doesn’t mean it can’t happen.”

“And if it does, we’ll figure it out. Together. There is no one else for me, Phoebs. It’s you or nothing.”

I was being irrational, but when you let fear control you for so long, you couldn’t just snap your fingers and make it stop. Its grip on me was suffocating and absolute.

I looked at Laurent, wishing I could throw myself in his arms, and break the invisible shackles tied around me, but I couldn’t. “I can’t.”

I hurried around him, grabbed the door, and swung it open. The hot humid air hit me in the face, making it even harder to breathe.

“What about last night? Did you just tell me you loved me, so I’d fuck you?” Laurent yelled after me from the porch.

I turned to him and shook my head. “No.” The word was a mere whisper. “I do love you. I love you so much it hurts, which is why I can’t stay.”

He thrust his hands through his hair again, tugging on the strands. “That makes no fucking sense.”

He was right. It didn’t. Not to most people, at least. “It does to me.”

“If you get in that car, don’t even think about coming back. We’re done. I can’t keep doing this.”

I closed my eyes as dread settled into my bones. With a deep breath, I met his gaze and silently said goodbye as I got into my car and left.

My grip on my pen became lethal as I took another call I did not want to fucking deal with. Yes, it was my job, but after Phoebe took off on me this morning, for good, I had no patience for anything. She told me she loved me. She admitted it, yet it wasn’t enough to get her to stay.

Even with me standing, blocking her path, she still fucking left. It was a blow to my heart, and I honestly didn’t think there was anything left of it. Phoebe had officially shattered it into so many pieces, there was no way it could ever beat properly again.

I managed to seal the deal with the difficult asshole and slammed the phone down.

“Oh!” Chardonnay said from the door. “I can come back if this is a bad time.”

I glanced at my sister, and I must’ve had rage written all over my face because she arched a curious eyebrow at me.

“Want to talk about it?”

“No, I don’t want to fucking talk about it.”

She held her hands up, her planner dangling from the one. “Whoa there. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”

More like woke up to an empty fucking bed. “You have no idea.”

“Then I guess you don’t feel like talking about this month's numbers.”

“Not really.”

“Wow, must be bad if you don’t want to talk shop.”

I thrust my hands through my hair. “I want to get my shit done and get home. Can we discuss this tomorrow?”

“Yeah, sure. No rush.”

“No rush on what?” Nero asked, strutting into my office like he owned the place.

“None of your fucking business. Now get out. I’m not in the mood for your shit today.”

Nero glanced at Chardonnay, a stupid smirk on his face. “Who pissed in his Cheerios?”

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