Page 57 of Wreaking Havoc on my Heart

Weight drops from my shoulders like sandbags. “Really?”

“I think so. I’ve been trying to see if he would make a move, but he hasn’t yet. So, I guess I just wanted to ask you if this is something you’re okay with? If I talk to him about it and tell him about how I feel?”

My head bobs in an excited nod. “Havoc, I love this for you, for both of you. I feel like even though he’s nervous, he’s into it. He cares about you. I’ve seen the way you both look after each other. I know you walk all the way back to the house every day to make a coffee for Arrow just the way he likes it. And I see the way he will tidy things up for you before you get back, making sure you’re comfortable as soon as you get home.”

He leans back on his hands, seeming relieved.

“I feel like we’re both just dancing around the topic, and I just can’t figure out what’s holding him back.”

“You’ll figure it out.” I grin at him, then crawl into his lap to straddle him. “You helped him see how much I needed the both of you, now you just have to help him see that he needs you too.”

I wrap my hands around the back of his neck, using my nails to scratch lightly at the base. His eyes fall closed and I absorb his words into my soul.

“I love you,” we both say at the same time.

His eyes open and I smile down at him.

“I have loved you since you hugged me in that torture shed,” I confess.

“I think I’ve loved you since you trusted me enough to check the knife on my ankle.”

I kiss him and when he kisses me back, I feel his words wrap around my heart and settle some of the turmoil that’s been stirring within me. As long as I have him, no one can hurt me. I know it.

Settling on top of him, I grind down. Not only is my body begging to let this pent-up energy out, but I’m craving a taste of chaos—my havoc.

While we try to have some alone time, it usually ends up being the three of us hanging out. But, right now, all I want to matter is him and me. I need him to see that I love him for who he is and everything he does for me. I need him to know that I seehim.

Chapter 18

She loves him. He loves her.

I was heading to the gym, knowing Laney might be there to workout some nerves so she could sleep. A habit she’s picked up from Evie and Havoc. When Havoc didn’t come back right away, I figured they were together. What I didn't imagine was them sitting on the mats in the gym confessing their love for one another.

I was careful when I shut the door to leave, giving them their privacy as they started to remove each other’s clothes. Tears burn the back of my eyes but I don’t know why.

Is it because I feel left out or because I didn’t get to say it first? Or something else?

I try to breathe but can’t seem to find an anchor. Rounding a building I brace myself with one arm and try to understand what’s happening.They love each other, but does that mean there’s still room for me?

With the way they were looking at one another, I can’t convince myself I have a place with them anymore. I was planning on telling Havoc how I felt before we left. I was going to be honest with them both.

But seeing them like that, with each other.They don’t need me. They don’t want me like they want each other.

Vomit burns at the back of my throat as I fall to my knees. I can feel them both slipping through my fingers as sure as sand.I was never enough. I’ll never be enough.

When the world around me finally comes back into view, I know that I need a plan. I still have some clothes at my place, so I decide to stay there for the night. I’ve already set aside my bags for the trip, Alexi will make sure they are loaded to the plane.

I stand up on shaky legs and make my way back to my house by the teachers’ buildings.

Havoc: Hey, can we talk?

I know a good bit of time has passed, but I choose to ignore the message as I step into my shower, hoping the water will drown out my racing thoughts.Spoiler alert, it doesn’t.

By the time I step out, I have two missed calls and four missed messages.

Havoc: Where are you?

Kitten: Are you coming back soon?

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