Page 51 of Wreaking Havoc on my Heart

Havoc swallows and my eyes catch on his throat. My dick grows hard in my suit pants without my permission, making this conversation even more uncomfortable.

“We fucked; we didn’t date. Nado wasn’t the kind of guy to settle down when we met. We used it as a way to get our anger out. Anyway, he’s now retired and married to another guy we trained with. I think they live in Canada.”

“I thought Shades never retired?”

He talks with his mouth full as he responds. Normally, that would piss me off, but with him, it’s just him. And I kind of like how normal it feels when we talk like this.

“It’s more complicated than that. We have to fight for the honor to leave.”

“And if you lose that fight?”

“Then you die.” He says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“So how did you find yourself attracted to other guys?”

As much as I enjoy combat, I don’t think Havoc is someone I really want to fight just to find out if I have a thing for him. Besides, I’m not going to be the one to make the first move, even if there is something between us. I don’t know what I’m doing, or what I’m even allowed to do.

“I don’t really know. After being with Nado, things just sort of changed for me. Gender isn’t something that matters, it’s how that person makes me feel.”

“How do I make you feel?”

He looks up from his plate and winks at me.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Yes. I really fucking would.

Chapter 16

I’ve never really had a home to look forward to as a kid. I grew up in a home where having kids was something you did, but when you messed up you were out. I was out at seventeen, then found The Shades at nineteen after becoming a fairly well-known underground fighter. That was when Adrik and I found each other. He was twenty-six and engaged to be married when we were initiated into the assassins league.

To say we were high on life: the drugs, the women, the adrenaline—that would have been an understatement. We partied hard and crashed even harder. We killed and celebrated as if any day could be our last. Because it very well could have been. It wasn’t until I turned twenty-five that things started to change. Adrik’s fiancée left him, I found Vi, and we just ended up growing up and growing apart. I was always his second, but what that meant changed over time.

Once I married Vi and we had Ellie a year later, home became something that felt mandatory. Don’t get me wrong, I loved them with every fiber of my being, but everything with Vi happened so fast. And Ellie’s diagnosis was a huge surprise for us both. When things started to get bad, I lost all sense of what a home should be.

But today, while I worked overtime with a group of students only to struggle through my entire workout afterward, I found myself craving something I never knew I was missing until now. I wanted to go to a place I felt lifted up, where I felt love and support. And all I could think about was my rainbow girl and a very broody dean.

I walk into Laney’s room after a long day, where I didn’t get to spend any time with her or Arrow, and everything feels like it falls into place in my chest.

Arrow and I have grown close, and it feels like there could be something there. But he’s shy when it comes to the ‘sexual attraction to men’ thing, so I’m waiting on him to make the first move. I thought the other night when we had dinner at his house, he was going to do something, but maybe I’m imagining things.

Laney gets down from the bed and jumps into my arms. She’s comfort embodied, and I melt into her.

“Hey there, Unicorn,” I say as I kiss her. “I missed you today.”

“I missed you too,” she whispers, still holding tight to me.

“I’m taking her for a shower,” I inform Arrow. He’s sitting at the desk in the corner.

“Have fun, I have a shit ton of emails to catch up on now that the trials are approaching.”

Wrapping my hands around her thighs, I carry my slice of magic into the bathroom with me. She’s all too eager to help strip me down and I love every second of it.

“Your boyfriend not giving you what you need, baby girl?”

She stands on her tiptoes to kiss me.

“Oh he did, I just need you as well.”

---