Page 19 of Wreaking Havoc on my Heart

My brows pinch as I slide off of his lap and sit next to him. Looking down at Tobias, I comb my fingers through the pink hair on his mane.

“Is this really how you see me?” I ask, sitting back.

He looks puzzled, but I think he understands what I’m saying. I don’t want to just be seen as the pretty thing.

“Baby girl, I didn’t pick that for you because I think you’re just pretty on the outside. Sure, you remind me of the rainbow. Your personality is as bright as the sun itself.”

He takes my hands in his as he levels me with his stare. The kind of look I know is seeing straight into my soul.

“These mythical creatures are known for drawing in their enemies with their beauty, only to slay them with their horns when they get close. I’ve decided to call you my unicorn because dying at your hand would be the most magical kind of death.”

Tears glisten in my eyes as I take a deep breath. Somehow, right now, I don’t feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I feel like me and only me. I can’t remember the last time someone made me feel that way.

Digging deep, trying to picture it, my thoughts drift to Arrow and how I felt after we had sex for the first time. When he cuddled in bed with me and held me close. Maybe I can remember the last time after all.

Chapter 8

I haven’t Christmas shopped in over four years. In fact, the last time I shopped for anyone that wasn’t me was about four and a half years ago when E was having a rough time. I found her lying in her bed on Christmas day with a dazed expression on her face and glassy eyes.

I had gone to find her because I was hurting too, and some days she was the only one who understood. I think more often than not, we sought refuge in each other’s company.

At three years old, Ellie had just been diagnosed with leukemia, and not a single doctor could give us hope that she would see the snowfall next year. Playing in the snow was her favorite, but after all of the treatments and her lowered immune system, she wasn’t able to do much more than sit up in bed for mealtimes.

Vi and I had to feed her towards the end because she was too weak to feed herself, and her hand-eye coordination was off balance. I told E we were going shopping then. I needed to get something to make my girls smile, and she was always the best person to help with that.

Ellie was named after E in a way. I told Vi she could pick any name she wanted as long as it started with an E. Vi loved E as much as I do. So, when she told her first to make sure the name felt right, I wasn’t in the least bit surprised that I was the last to hear what I would be calling our daughter.

E would join us for dinners sometimes and was always like an aunt to Ellie. She pulled away at the end though, just like I did. Thinking back on that, I realize that was when things started getting worse for her at the compound too.

She had made many examples of men who had tried to touch her, but there was always this haunted look in her eyes as if something vital had already been stripped away. I push away thoughts of the past that threaten to darken my day. I refuse to think of the final days with my sweet Ellie.

I only ever want to remember the good times with her, and Vi too. If I spend too much time focused on what could have been, I’ll forget about all that there still could be.

So, I go on a hunt for E. I figured I needed her expertise if I was getting a gift for her best friend. When I walk into the kitchen, Lev invites me to join them for breakfast. It gives me the opportunity to see how easily E and her three men all fall into step with each other.

Alexi cooks the eggs and bacon while Evie pours coffee. Lev prepares the English muffins and Damien floats around them all, handing them what they need just as they need it. It’s a beautiful thing seeing them all care for her and one another.

“E, come shopping with me today?” E gleams with excitement, likely remembering the last time we went shopping and accidentally happened upon a carnival on the way home. We had the craziest, most random day that included way too much cotton candy.

Alexi raises his eyebrows, but I just nod to him.

“I’ll have the new team with me, and I’ll only be taking her to the places your father has approved of.”

I can see he wants to protest, but when E throws her arms around my neck in a hug and I spin her around laughing, he relents.

“Grab me some new boxers while you’re out?” Damien asks E with a knowing grin on his face. “You owe me.”

I cover my ears, pretending not to hear anything. This girl is like a sister to me. While I’m glad she’s found men to love her, I sure as fuck do not need to be hearing anything about their sex life.

After kissing all of her men, E grabs my arm and nearly runs us out to the garage where a car is waiting for us. Well, three armored black SUVs to be exact. Already knowing the charade, E climbs into the back seat of the middle car, and I follow her before gesturing out the window for everyone to move out.

“So, how’s the new position treating you?” E asks.

I smile back at her. “I have no idea why Boris is training me to be like a second to him, but I’m enjoying this way more than I ever did with Adrik.”

“What makes this so different?” I think of all the reasons why as we approach the gates and the rolling hills of the estate come into view.

“I feel heard here. I get the time to do the things I enjoy. Things like training with Laney and being taken seriously for the skills I have. Boris already trusts me with his people, and I’m actually getting to know them. I’ve met some of their families and I even like them. It was never like that before.”

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