Page 15 of Wreaking Havoc on my Heart

I look up to see him pointing at my phone. His jaw is tight and his face red. I know it’s not from us working out though because I’m not even starting to sweat.

“You’re acting jealous,” I sing-song.

He scoffs. “Oh, please. Baby girl, I have nothing to be jealous over. You aren’t even mine.”

Internally I flinch, although I don’t know why.

“Exactly. So what’s making you act like this?”

He shakes his head. “Whatever. If you want to be distracted right now then that’s your choice to make. Just get on the mats. I’m going to run you through some of the basics you should have learned in school to gauge where you’re at.”

He walks over to the mats while leaving me to follow. I do, but only after tucking my phone into my bra and putting it back on high volume. I know it’s a bratty thing to do, but I can’t help it with him. He’s so broody and stern in here. I’m not sure I like it.

Starting with basic blocks, I quickly realize having my phone on me is a bad idea. I miss two jabs that even a beginner should have seen coming. He only stops short of knocking me out because of his impeccable control.

When we move to basic grappling, he pins me every single time with little effort. My phone pings for what must be the eighteenth time, distracting me just enough for him to get me in a chokehold. Beyond frustrated, I tap out way too early and throw my hands up in the air.

“Okay, OKAY! You were right!” I get up and march over to the side of the room to turn my phone off before nearly throwing it.

“Damn right, I was. You wonder why you’re not good at this. Maybe you just need someone to teach you to focus. You were able to incapacitate me when you first saw me so I know you know this stuff, Laney.”

I glare at him and he smirks, his jaw finally relaxing for the first time since we walked in here.

“Come here.” He gestures to where he’s standing on the mats.

I shake my head, not ready to get back into it again just yet. I’m too frustrated. My phone isn’t the only thing that’s been getting to my head. His touches feel too good, even if they’re meant to hurt. I want him to touch me, and it’s getting me all mixed up inside.

“Laney. Come. Here,” he punctuates each word, his command not leaving room for a bratty argument or resistance.

My shoulders sag and I give in, trying not to let him see just how much I want to be by his side right now. He sits down and crosses his legs so I mirror him.

“Have you ever meditated?”

“I have too many thoughts to meditate.” The corner of his mouth lifts in a clear attempt to hold back a smirk. “What?”

“The point of meditating is to help clear those thoughts.” Leaning forward, he takes my hands in his.

“Close your eyes.” I listen to him immediately, my body willingly submitting.

It’s not normal for me to truly submit, not without making sure to give my own orders in return. But this isn’t the time for that, and I find that with him, I don’t want to have to always give a snarky remark.

With Arrow, I feel like I have to. He always wants to baby me, to hold me in his arms and stand between me and the world. But with Havoc, I feel like he takes my hand and pulls me to the side, letting me see that I’m strong enough to take on any task alongside him.

Neither of them are wrong, they’re just different. In some ways, I feel like I need both of them, but that could never happen. It’s too far-fetched to think of either of them being willing to share.

“Take a deep breath and hold it in for five seconds. When you let it out, focus only on how your body is feeling with the exchange.”

I do as he says and try to imagine my anxiety flowing out of me just like the air I expel from my lungs.

“Good.” He takes a hand and presses it to my chest.

My heart rate picks up, but I keep my eyes closed. I know he can feel the rapid thumping just under his palm.But does he know why?

“Again. I want to feel you letting everything go with that breath. Let the only thing you focus on be the pressure I’m holding right here.”

Keeping my eyes shut, I do it. Again and again, until all I feel is him, all I’m aware of is him.

“Beautiful,” he breathes as he slowly removes his hand. “You have so much power inside you. Embrace it. Hold onto it. Let it drive you.”

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