Page 36 of Mafie Trials

When I open my eyes, tears fall and I don’t know why. I look over to see Damien and Lev coated in each other's release. Damien leans down to kiss Lev but instead of deepening the kiss Damien pulls back. They both look at me with worried expressions stamped on their faces.

Why am I crying?

Alexi comes over and carefully unties my hands, but no one speaks. I feel oddly vulnerable even though I had no problem exposing my most intimate parts to them, but me being naked and in tears feels entirely different.

Why the fuck am I crying?

There are no sobs, just soft silent tears streaming down my face. Alexi helps me sit up and hands me a water I didn’t even realize was there.

“Why?” I get out in a raspy voice, and a small smile touches my lips with how blissed out I sound and feel. If I could just figure out what the fuck is up with these damn tears.

Alexi knows exactly what I’m asking and picks me up in his arms as he answers, “You’re just having a subdrop, nothing too extreme. We will take care of you though. You did so good for us, Princess.”

I forgot about all the reading Damien had me do to stay distracted in the hospital about this lifestyle. I thought sub drops didn’t happen all that often, but apparently that was a poor assumption. Lev and Damien get up and by the time they’ve wiped themselves clean, my tears have stopped. I feel exhausted and satiated. The weird feeling in my head that’s like it’s a little too full that begins to fade.

It makes my eyes droop and when Lev comes to take me from Alexi’s lap, I go to him without question. He carries me into the shower, and I let him wash my hair and body, letting out a contented sigh. He scrubs me until I feel squeaky clean. My skin comes out nice and pink everywhere that isn’t injured.

I smile at him, and the look he gives me is one of adoration. He’s gentle but firm as he dries me off and rubs my legs with lotion. I know I’m capable, but I let him because I also know it makes him feel useful.

When I get back to bed, Damien has a plate full of food waiting for me. Most of it is fairly bland, but I also haven’t had a big appetite. I cross my legs on the bed and dig in. The gentle touches and attentiveness makes me feel so relaxed. Like I’m finally coming back to myself.

“I’m sorry for crying, I’m not really sure why that happened.”

Damien’s face falls from the casual happiness to a sad frown. “Subdrops are really normal considering everything going on. I’m honestly surprised it wasn’t worse than that.”

My eyes widen, and I regret not taking this topic more seriously for him. Once I read about kinks and scenes, I felt like I had a good general idea and would just learn on the go with him. Clearly that was not a good decision.

“To be honest,” I say wincing slightly because I feel bad, “I didn’t really think it was that big of a deal, so I skimmed. I’ll take it more seriously next time.”

I can tell he’s frustrated at me for that but decides to let it go after a minute of tortuous silence. I try to pretend it doesn't bother me.

“I’ll be sending you my limits and full kink list, and so will Alexi. We already know most of the things to do to comfort you in a subdrop, but we also need to know your limits so we can respect them.”

I nod while looking down at my food, suddenly feeling even less hungry.

“I’m not angry, Little Shadow,” Damien says as he tilts my head up with his hand. “I don’t want to hurt you. I want to explore our limits together, and I feel awful for not making sure you were more aware of what all of this is. Limits are what helps prevent me from going too far. I have them as well. I want us to be open and honest about everything. Sex, life, all your emotions. None of us are men who want to own our woman, and we all know you’re someone who doesn’t want to be owned. So help us. Help us help you, okay?”

The sincerity behind his words has me falling a little more in love with him by the second. I want those things, all of them. But what if wanting them and a life of openness and honesty prevents them from ever truly being safe?

“What if I have to run?” I ask. “What if I have to run and leave you behind?”

He sits up then, getting right in my face as he pinches my chin between his fingers. Not enough to hurt but definitely enough to show the depth of his feelings on that idea.

“There is no place on this earth, not a single fucking one, where you will go without me. Not one. Promise me, Little Shadow”

I want to say it. I want to promise him that, but I also couldn’t live with myself if I was the reason anything happened to him.

“I need you to understand,” he growls, “that the only death I would accept in this world is one of growing old with you or one of sacrifice for you. You want us to understand that you make your own decisions. So do we. So promise me, promise you’ll stay.”

Tears flood my eyes with the idea of any of them getting hurt for me, but I keep them from spilling over and stop myself before it turns into a panic attack, which is a big sign I’m getting stronger and overcoming this withdrawal. I take a breath to make sure it’s steady before I give him what he needs, even if it breaks a small piece of me to do it. Because I wouldbreakfor these men, just like they would for me. And it’s not fair for me to ask them to let me make my own choices and take away theirs.

“I swear I won’t leave you, so long as you want me.”

His body sags in relief, but I for one am done with the gloomy emotions. We’ve had our tears, we’ve had our fights, and now we’ve hadplentyof orgasms. It’s time for us to relax a little and just have some fun.

Damien looks at Lev, pointing a finger at him. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten about your list. I expect a full BDSM checklist as soon as possible.” Lev blushes and smiles at him.

“Yes, sir.”

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