Page 64 of Mafie Trials

So I nod my head and bury my face in Alexi’s lap so neither of them have to see the truth in my eyes. I didn’t want to fail Alexi and Damien here, but I can’t help but think somehow I have.

Chapter 24

I end the call and send Dr. K a text saying I’ll call her back soon. Evie’s face is still in my lap, and she needs my attention first. She has no idea how well she did for the first session. I want her to know how proud of her I am.

“Princess?” Rubbing her back, I gently turn her to look up at me. Her eyes are red and her cheeks puffy. “I’m so fucking proud of you.”

Her face scrunches up in confusion. I help her sit up next to me.

“I don’t think I was able to get out a single thing the first time I talked to her. The fact that you felt comfortable enough to open up at all shows just how strong you are.”

She looks away from me in disbelief.

“I don’t know if I can do that again.” The defeated sound in her voice stabs at my chest.

“Do you think I would see you differently if you never talked to another therapist again for the rest of your life?” I question, trying to figure out why she feels the need to look away from me.

“Maybe,” her gaze meets mine again after a moment, her familiar spark of defiance reigniting. “Is it so wrong that maybe I don’t want help, maybe I just want to be fine with who I am?”

“Did anyone say that was wrong?” I can see her insecurities shining through now. She’s not fooling anyone.

If she wants soft and sweet, she can go talk to Lev about this. But I’m me, and when she makes these absurdly irrational ideas a reality in her mind, I refuse to let her hide in them.

“If it’s not wrong then why did you ask me to talk to her?” Her attitude is in full swing. I cannot wait to put her back in her place.

“I asked you to talk to her because seeing you in pain makes me want to murder people.” I grip her face in my hands, not enough to hurt, but enough to drive the point home. “I don’t care who they are or what they’ve done, but someone’s blood will run like a river between my fingers every time I see you wake up in that panic. I’m okay with that. I don’t care how many people I need to kill to satisfy the demon in me, the one that wants to keep and protect you and slaughter anyone who gets close to you.”

Her jaw visibly drops open at my admission, but I need her to understand just how much weallcare.

“Damien suggested it because a piece of him is reminded of the pain his father caused him every time he sees a tear fall from your eyes. And we both know the monster he can be when he hunts for revenge.” Wiping a tear from her face, I relax my hands as I kiss her cheek.

“He wanted you to be able to fall asleep in our arms and wake up feeling whole and rested. He didn’t want anyone holding a piece of you that you didn’t willingly give. Lev agreed to all of this because you’re the first thing he’s ever taken for himself, and he wants you to be able to let go of your past and not let it define you. We didn’t do any of this because there is something wrong with you. We did this because weloveyou with every fiber of our beings.”

Her bottom lip trembles, and I take my thumb to swipe over it. She breathes me in as I get close and wraps her arms around me as our foreheads touch. It’s gentle and sweet and nothing like what I had done to her this morning, but it feels right. I’ve never wanted to be soft with anyone, never cared enough to know someone's heart before. Usually, I just played out my role with them to help banish my demons.

“I love you,” I whisper carefully, so she knows I did not just say that for dramatics. She is it for me. I love her more than the air I breathe.

“I love you too,” she whispers back to me. “I love all of you so much that I’m terrified. I’ve been afraid of this love and connection for so long. And now I’m afraid because ifhefinds out about it, he will find a way to ruin it. I know he will.”

“The three of us are already ruined. You are what makes us whole. So long as we have you, we’ll be okay.”

Her lips caress mine, so feather light I would have missed it if it wasn’t all I was focused on. Laying us back on the bed, she tucks herself in close to me while I pull her tight to my side, not wanting even air to separate us.

“I’m so tired of running,” she murmurs as she dozes off on my chest.

“Then stop running, Princess.”

“I’ll talk to her again. I think I just need some time.”

I kiss her forehead, grateful she is able to come to terms with this idea herself. “Take all the time you need.”

???

After dinner, Evie says she’s going to go take a long bubble bath and listen to some music. Her legs were still shaking from how hard I made her come on my tongue before we headed down here. A smirk plays on my lips as we all watch her leave. My father dismisses himself while Laney and Havoc head to training, so it’s just me and my boys.

“So, how did things go today?” Damien asks in a hushed tone, even though Evie is easily a hundred feet away with multiple doors separating us.

“She did really well,” I say, not wanting to give them more than Evie would be comfortable with, but also needing to give them something.

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