Page 72 of Be My Sinner

He finally pries his mouth away from mine, and loosens his grip around my throat. His thumb rubs circles into the abused flesh while my nails dig into the flesh of his hands. “From now on, the only necklaces that you will wear, Snow, are the ones in the shape and size of my hand. You will beg me for them, like the good girl I know you can be.”

He abruptly releases his grip on me, and I falter in my long, cumbersome dress, barely managing to catch myself on an armchair before nearly landing on the floor. He retraces a few steps toward the room’s exit and glances back at me over his shoulder. “You look stunning, wife. You are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. I’ll try to be gentle with you, Snow. Please know that what I’m doing is to protect you. You are mine now. I’ll never let anyone hurt you.”

With his final words, he walks out the door and closes it with a resounding thud. One that I feel through every bone in my body. I stand there with my chest trying desperately to get enough oxygen, my emotions all in an upheaval, and my pussy dripping because the fucker has just turned me on with his words and violence.

That was over an hour ago. Shortly after he left, Sarah Mercier raced into the room, her mask in her hand and her delicate features filled with concern. “Oh, Dinah. I am so sorry, child. I am sorry for all of it, including my son making that dramatic and unhinged appearance. He…he can be…territorial where Ezekiel…is concerned.”

I had no words to give her. What could I say? I was not a bride looking forward to her wedding day. In fact, I greatly doubted that there were many of those in our world. I was a sacrifice to the Order, a vessel to be used and commanded, as they see fit. As Ezekiel Rothesay now sees fit. I wondered at that moment if she knew more about the type of relationship Zeke and Abe truly have, but didn’t have the energy or mental capacity needed to confront her about it.

I shake my head to bring me back to the current moment. The one where I’m standing naked before Sarah, as she reapplies thick amounts of foundation to my skin, to hide all the tattoos that grace my flesh. My eyes glance to the side of the room where a bed is draped with luxurious pure white linens, and surrounded by candlelight. A little further away from the bed, a sheer white curtain divides the space, hanging from ceiling to floor, and behind it sit twelve dark wood gothic-styled armchairs with deep, blood-red seat cushions. Their sight makes my skin crawl with the knowledge that shortly, twelve men will be sitting there watching as Ezekiel fucks me for the first time. The only time if I have my way.

Liar, my mind whispers.

“I’m worried, Sarah. What if Zeke can’t pull this off? They are expecting a virgin who will bleed.” I drag my hands down my face as I bite into my bottom lip. He had no plan on how to disguise my tattoos. I would have been in real trouble if it hadn’t been for Sarah. What guarantee do I have that he actually has one for bedding me and proving I’m pure.None. He could be setting me up to die.

Fuck, this is such archaic bullshit. Like really, my worth is determined only by my intact hymen, and my ability to bear children for this monstrous order. There is no way that this is a better world than the one the Brotherhood took over by force.

Women used to be free to make their own choices. They used to be able to decide who they married, if they married at all, and when. Women used to be able to marry other women, for fuck sakes. They could fuck who they wanted, when they wanted. They could work, study, own property, and travel. They could make decisions for themselves, and had rights under the law. Legitimate rights, not the religious bullshit the Order spews.

In a moment of weakness, the world, which had been devastated by too many wars, famine, and greed, fell to the strength of the Order, and nothing has ever been the same again. A world that was promised peace, equality, and love, under the regime of the Brotherhood instead received nothing but absolute destruction, and the controlling fist of a few powerful men. Freedom was but a faint memory, for those old enough to remember the world before it was left in ashes.

Like all the other women of this current world, I had no further rights other than to allow what men dictated my future to be. As the ‘Unholy Ghost’,I was able to take back some of my power. I could rid the earth of those who would cause further destruction and pain. Yes, I became the Brotherhood’s judge, jury, and executioner, but someone had to.

“He will, Dinah, have faith. He knows what will happen in this room tonight. I don’t believe he would have gone through with all this, only to lead you to your death.” Sarah’s amber eyes meet mine. Eyes identical to her son’s, ones filled with pain and remorse.

With a final dab of the sponge and a brush of setting powder, her eyes survey my naked skin, ensuring we have managed to cover all the ink. She reaches forward, grabs the sheer silk nightgown, and slips it over my head, holding it so I can slide my arms through the sleeves. “I think the camouflage should hold as long as he isn’t too rough, and it doesn’t rub harshly against the fabric.” Her nose twitches at her words, and our lips break out in uncomfortable smiles.

Once I stand there, covered from my neck down to my bare toes in the loose sheer fabric, she leads me to a chair before a large standing mirror and starts playing with my hair. We had to remove all the pins and intricate designs the maid had created, when we removed the veil and crown. Now, my raven hair lies in thick, shining waves at my back, like tendrils of darkness over the paleness of my flesh.

“I think we should leave it loose, Dinah. It will help to cover you just in case, and it’s just so beautiful, so thick and dark like your mother’s.” She twirls a strand through her fingers, and a small tear slides down her face.

“Your mother had it the worst of us. All three of us were married within weeks of each other, back before the world completely lost its mind. She was so happy at first with Francis. I truly envied her because I believed he genuinely loved her, unlike the affection Peter has for me, or even Noah had for Esther.”

She releases my hair, and swipes at her face with her palm. Her golden eyes meet mine in the mirror. “Quickly, we realized that what Francis loved first and foremost was power. Maria was precious to him because of her family ties to the Holy Father, and those in the highest recesses of the Brotherhood. Even those, in the end, did not save her. We women have no control or power over ourselves in this order.” She bites down on her bottom lip so hard she splits the soft skin, and a drop of blood rises to the surface.

“I think some part of his soul was sick. He allowed others to hurt her badly and degrade her, all while telling her it was her duty. He used her as a bargaining chip with other members, allowing them to force her into sexual acts that would also trap them under his thumb, and allow him to blackmail them. It’s how he gained so much power so quickly. Of course, Peter and, especially Noah, followed in his footsteps with Esther and I. Not all husbands treat their wives like ours do, Dinah. Some truly honor their wives; they are just few and far between.”

“I once thought he loved her.” My words escape my lips in a hushed whisper, and memories of how I believed my father had loved my mother flood my mind. I can almost envision how he used to gaze at her, those tender moments when he thought no one else was watching. Then, that horrible day happened when I discovered the truth. My father was a monster, just like all the men around him.

“I think some part of him did, Dinah, but it was twisted up with all the darkness that fought within him. That darkness often won against the light. Towards the end, I know he regretted his actions to hurt your mother, and the world around him. He tried to bring change. To make amends, it was too late by then, and they had to make an example of him.”

“They branded him a traitor, and her a fallen woman, to prevent others from having similar intentions. They tortured him and destroyed my family, all in the name of this order that is nothing but a bunch of worthless, faithless men, playing with power and the lives of others.” I straighten my shoulders, refusing to get lost in my grief.

There is nothing I could have done when I was a child. I could not have saved my mother, but as an adult, as the ‘Unholy Ghost’,I have tried to end the lives of men who would hurt women like my mother and Sarah.

Will I still be able to continue with my life’s mission?Ezekiel said I would, but I don’t trust a word that leaves his lips. Only time will bring forth the truth of his intentions.

Her eyes grow large, and her features are stony, as she stares back at me through the mirrored reflection. “Their time will come, my shared daughter. I promise you that.” She leans forward and gently lays a kiss on the side of my head. Hearing her call me the term of endearment she used to use when I was a small child brings a smile to my face.

However, before I can question her further, a knock on the door startles us, and tension has me coiling my limbs tight. How I wish I had a weapon to defend myself in here. I survey the room once again to see if there is anything at all I can use, and my eyes linger on the pins that were once in my hair. As Sarah turns to answer the door, I quickly grab one and hide it in my hand, using my nails to push off the little safety rubber on the ends of the metal prongs.

It’s not much of a defense, but in the worst-case scenario, I will stab it into someone’s eye. Hopefully, Ezekiel gives me a reason to use it on him. The fucker deserves to feel some of my violent intentions. He thinks he has me beaten and will control me going forward. I’m here to show him that will never happen. I will never bend or break at his feet.

“Dinah, it’s time. The men of the Order will start entering, along with Ezekiel. I will not be allowed to be in this room any longer. Remember what I told you: play possum. Let Ezekiel guide you; he knows what is required.”

She grabs my face between both her soft hands. “Feign pain, they enjoy that, Dinah. Hopefully, Ezekiel will not hurt you, and you will just have to pretend. Do not rise once Ezekiel has spilled within you. Close your eyes and stay still with your legs open. Each man of the Brotherhood will come forward to inspect the blood of your purity, and make a testament to what they saw, and then they will leave. Once Ezekiel leaves the room, I will return to help you clean up, and then you can leave here. It will be done.”

Another knock sounds at the door, this time a little more forceful. “I have to go, Dinah. Please move before the bed, and stand with your eyes lowered to the ground.” She slips her mask back on and walks to the door, never once looking back.

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