Page 65 of Be My Sinner

I tune back into what the women are saying, as yet another woman walks through the door. How many are coming in here? It’s starting to feel like a zoo, where I am the main attraction.

Her delicate features are immediately familiar to me.Sarah Mercier, Abraham’s mother.She’s carrying a large white box in her arms, straining with the weight and size of it. I watch as she carefully and reverently lays it on the bed beside me. Whatever is in that box, I want no part of it. Just looking at it brings me unease.

“Ladies, may the Lord bless and praise you. The Brotherhood, honor you and keep you sacred.”

“It is right to give thanks to the Lord, my God, and to the Brotherhood which keeps its order.”

The murmurs fill the room as the maids bow their heads in her presence. I, however, keep my head right where it belongs, up high and surveying for threats. I trust no one in this room or in this house. They are all sheep, easily led to the slaughter, and I refuse to be amongst their ranks.

“Dinah, happy is she who believed that the Lord would fulfill the promises he made to her. I am so joyful that this day has finally come, and filled with equal parts sorrow that your mother did not get a chance to see it come to fruition.”

She leans forward and places her soft hand on my face, cradling it in a gentle embrace. I want to be furious that she has brought up my mother. I want to be upset that she’s touching me, but I can’t. Longing and memories fill me, of a time long past, when this woman used to brush my hair as she sat with my mother and talked for hours. They were friends once, both of them forced into this world because they loved men who would betray them.

I don’t bother to respond. We both know that my mother never wanted this for me. She was never genuinely vocal with anyone other than my father and brother. The rules of the Brotherhood prevent women from sharing their opinions. She confided in Sarah, though.

A vicious snort leaves Esther’s lips, and I have to tighten my hands into fists to prevent myself from rising and lashing out at her with violence, even though she would look more enticing on her ass. “Yes, we are all sorry for Maria’s untimely loss. So much loss in the Camrose family.”

“Yes…well, she is surrounded by us now; we will act as her mother. You are gaining a beautiful daughter, Esther. The Lord, in his wisdom, has blessed you. How I wish she had been chosen for Abraham; she would have made such beautiful babies with my son.” Sarah glares at Esther with a raised eyebrow.

I guess they are not so chummy, despite their husbands being thick as thieves with each other. Could it be because one of them doesn’t mind being fucked raw by the other’s husband? Sammy and I observed them for months; we know what happens in their homes behind closed doors.

Noah likes to share Esther every chance he gets, especially with Peter Mercier. Esther enjoys being on the receiving end of Peter’s visits, and Sarah doesn’t quite have the same sentiments about Noah’s visits.Yet, Esther is worried about my sins; go figure.

“Ladies, enough fussing! We must get her into the veil, dress, and off to the cathedral. The Holy Father’s entourage will be arriving shortly, and we cannot afford to be delayed and keep them waiting.” Esther claps her hands together and moves to the box Sarah brought into the room.

So, the Holy Father will be proceeding over my nuptials. I knew the Camroses were directly related to him by blood through my mother’s side. She was one of his favorite nieces. That didn’t stop the Brotherhood from shunning her, and punishing her for sins my father committed.

That’s twice now that the Holy Father has proceeded over an event recently for my family. Three, if you count the blessing he prayed over my mother’s dead body at my brother’s funeral. The only words of grace she would be receiving due to her actions. His insistence that she be buried in their family plot brought me the only measure of peace I received that day.

“The Holy Father! What an honor, Miss Dinah,” Marta whispers, her eyes wide with excitement like a child.

I observe as Esther lifts the box lid, delicately pushing aside the white tissue paper to reveal a breathtaking, light gold and cream embroidered gown. The sight of the dress tightens my throat. The intricate beading on the skirt and bodice shimmers in the light, casting prismatic rainbows onto the surrounding walls.

“It’s stunning!” Sonia gasps.

I swallow the lump in my throat, tears threatening to cascade down my face. “It was my mother’s wedding dress.”

My eyes meet Sarah’s as a tear trails down her golden-age-lined face. “She had it sent to me when you turned eighteen. She knew she could not attend your wedding…in…her circumstances. She wanted to ensure you had it. It’s a beautiful dress, Dinah.”

That’s right, my mother was a fallen woman. Even as a favorite blood relation of the Holy Father, she would not be allowed to attend something like her own Sacred Daughter’s wedding ceremony, for fear of tainting her with the same disgrace.

I rise and approach Esther, who holds my mother’s dress. I don’t want her to lay a finger on it, to soil it with her contempt for me, or her disdain for my mother. I know it’s irrational; after all, it’s just a beautiful piece of fabric. But deep down, I’m aware she never held any affection for my mother. Sarah must be attuned to my thoughts; she moves forward and takes the dress from Esther’s fingers.

“Ladies, we thank you for your assistance, but now only Sacred Wives will help Dinah dress.” Sarah moves away and drapes the dress along the end of the bed, the long train spilling onto the ground with a flourish. I can see the immediate irritation on Esther’s face that Sarah has dismissed her staff. She appears to have an aversion to anyone else taking charge in her domain. I’ll store that knowledge away for later use when I want to get under her skin.

The two maids bow low to us and exit the room. The momentary silence is a balm to my weary and overstimulated mind. I look around the room, once again surveying whether I can escape somehow.

Then, a frightening thought hits me. I can’t undress in front of these women. I’m covered in tattoos. Tattoos, which are not allowed under the rules of the Brotherhood. I start to panic and move as far away from the dress as possible while staring between them. “No…I will dress myself. I…can do it.”

“Nonsense, child, we are here to help you.” Esther starts to move towards me in an attempt to corner me. This bitch is about to end up on the ground if she doesn’t stop moving. She would look so much prettier attending her son’s wedding with a split lip, and a black eye, to compliment her black heart.

“I’d really rather dress myself. I…I’m shy…and uncomfortable with others looking…at me.” I try to devise a legitimate reason why these two sacred women cannot strip me naked right now. “I…I made a vow to God not to let anyone but my husband see me naked before my wedding night.”

“How honorable, my dear.” Sarah contemplates me from where she is standing with suspicion. “Esther will leave while you dress, and I will turn my back and only look when it is time to fasten the buttons at the back, therefore not causing you to break your vow.” Esther huffs but manages to keep silent. I think maybe some part of her is relieved she doesn’t have to touch me.Same, lady, same.

FUCK! How the hell am I going to pull this off? I swear to all that is holy, I will make Ezekiel Rothesay pay for all this shit, including the apparent concern on Sarah Mercier’s face right now because I am acting all kinds of shifty. Does she think I’m nuts?Probably.

“It’s normal to be nervous on your wedding day, Dinah. This day is filled with anticipation but also stress and pain. I know that your mother not being here feels like a giant hole in your heart, but Esther and I will do our best to assist you.” Sarah sighs and straightens her shoulders. “Has Esther gone over what will happen once the vow part of the ceremony has been completed?”

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