Page 23 of Be My Sinner

I sniff loudly, tears and snot running down my face and coating my lips. My head pounds with pressure, and my eyes can’t stop the rivers escaping them. I want to crawl into a little ball and forget about the world. I never want to see another sunrise, now knowing that my brother is gone. How can my heart still beat now that he’s no longer walking this earth? How can my lungs still willingly force air into themselves when Gabriel is no longer breathing?

“Dinah, we have to go.” Sammy grasps my face tightly in his strong and large hands, forcing me to meet his sapphire gaze. His eyes are so filled with pain in their depths that I wonder if he is not also reliving his own sister’s death. “I will be there with you every step. I will protect you. You are mine, Nightstar.”

His words should soothe me; they should bring me a measure of peace that he is with me even in this moment of hell I am living through. The truth is he can’t save me from my fate. He can’t protect me from the hands of the Brotherhood, unless we run and go underground. I might be his, but I am also theirs. A Sacred Daughter, one day destined to be a Sacred Wife. A prize. My value is determined by my name and sex.

The only person who can save me is me, and I no longer want to, knowing that Gabriel is gone. Hush now, child. How can you give up? How can you let the Brotherhood keep taking from you? My mind questions with anger. Are you a coward, Dinah? Will you let them suffer no consequences for destroying your family? For corrupting all that you hold dear? For hurting Gabriel and your mother?

A spark lights deep inside the recesses of my body and soul, burning hotter and brighter with each admonishment that crosses my mind. A little fire begins to blaze and then spreads, causing me to be filled with a fury like I have never felt. It soars within me, demanding retribution.

Demanding they pay for the harm they have caused against my loved ones. The Brotherhood of the Sacrament must pay. It must be destroyed and burned to the ground, so that it can no longer continue to hurt others.

“I will go, Sammy, but I demand one thing only from you. One thing that you will not deny me.” I stare into his eyes and watch as they widen with fear, anticipation, and dread of my words. “You love me; I know you do, in your own way. You say you will do anything for me, that you will protect me. I need this from you.”

“Dinah…fuck, please don’t ask me to let them hurt you.” His grip tightens with a fierce desperation as his eyes trail across my face, and his breath skates over my lips.

This man has earned the right to have pieces of my heart. He has tried to protect, teach, and encourage my survival over the years. He is mine, and I am his. It’s not enough, though. We can’t just run to the underground and fight from the shadows.

What are you willing to risk? My heart questions. The answer doesn’t hesitate to cross my mind. I know it deep in my soul, just like I know with a certainty the sun will rise again tomorrow despite feeling like my world is crumbling. I will risk everything for vengeance, even my own soul and the heart that belongs to Samuel Wendover.

“I need you to help me kill them all. As many Founding Fathers and their male kin as possible. I need you to help me rid the world of the plague that they are, and bring the Brotherhood to its knees.”

Whatever he was expecting to come out of my mouth, the words I uttered weren’t it. He falls back from me, releasing his hold as a stunned look crosses his face. “Dinah…are you…fucking insane? We cannot take on the Order; there is no surviving them.”

“I didn’t stutter, Sammy, nor did I say anything about me surviving. I need vengeance for all that they have taken from me. I don’t believe, for one fucking second, my brother killed himself! I know you don’t either. Something happened there in the capital.” I swipe at the tears that won’t stop trailing down my face.

“Something happened to Gabriel, and they are covering it up. I need your help to uncover what it is, and then I need you to help me exact my revenge on all of them.”

“Nightstar…please.”

“No, Sammy. You are either by my side or not. Either way, they will come for me. Either way, they are going to try to rip me from your arms; we both know that. There is no ending where you and I remain together forever; there never was. Help me try to end them, and then let me join my brother.”

“I love you, Dinah, more than you will ever understand. I cannot breathe in a world where you do not exist. I won’t.”

A crystal diamond appears in the corner of his eye and then trails down his rough skin, disappearing over the scarred and ragged edge of his jaw. His eyes meet mine, and whatever he sees there confirms that I will not budge nor bend from this path. He gives me a nod of his head, defeat displayed across his handsome and rugged features.

It breaks my heart to hurt him. It feels like a knife is slicing deep inside my soul, as I make him think that he would not have been enough for me had the circumstances been different. Had they not just killed a massive part of my heart, by taking my brother from this world.

The truth is he could have been enough. Loving him has been the best part of my life. These last almost six years, despite being a prisoner, have been the happiest and most at peace I have ever been since I realized the world I truly lived in.

I get up off the ground and move away from him. The trembling in my body is now slowly coming to an end with my decision. I will use all the skills that Sammy has taught me over the years to bring about the chaos and defeat of the Brotherhood. They won’t see it coming from a frail and weak female. I’m about to show them how strong a female can actually be.

“Make contact with the rebellion, let them know that we seek their assistance, and see if you can get any intel on what really happened to my brother.” I walk towards the doorway that leads to the bedrooms in the prison we call home.

“Where are you going, Dinah?” He gets up from the floor, and I hear his heavy footsteps approaching me. I take another step forward. I don’t want the comfort of his arms right now. I want to hold on to my righteous anger. If he touches me, I will melt. I crave him and his touch, but right now, I only need to hunger for violence, retribution, and destruction.

“To find something black to wear, we will attend multiple funerals, not just my brother’s.”

As I walk out the door, the memory of two males who were supposed to stand by my brother through thick and thin enters my mind. Where were they when he was supposedly hanging himself? Perhaps they were the ones holding the other side of the rope. If I discover that is the case, Ezekiel Rothesay and Abraham Mercier will not survive for long, and will be just behind my precious brother to meet their maker.

Chapter 12

The Sinner

Dinah

8monthsago.

The black lace veil that obscures my face makes me itchy and hot. It’s so opaque that it’s hard to see clearly out of it, but it also ensures that others staring at me only get the briefest of glimpses. I need to be able to shield my facial expressions from the Order. I might be able to disguise my facial reactions if I try really hard to mask them, but my eyes will always tell the truth. That I hate each and every one of them and that given even the slightest of opportunities, I’ll end their miserable, entitled lives.

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