Page 24 of Claiming Kenna

“Who is here to see me?” I replied but my heart sank because I already knew.

“He said his name is Cullen? He doesn’t look very good,” she said quietly. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair.

“It’s ok, I will see him. “

I stood on the other side of the door for what felt like eternity. My hand shook over the door knob.How the fuck had he even found me? I cleared my throat and opened the door.

“Hey…” I started and then my mouth fell open. Cullen stood there like an empty shell of the man I had left behind. He was pale and face haunted. He stood in a plain black sweater and basic black suit pants. His blue eyes were tainted with red bloodshot eyes around the outside and his chin wobbled when he saw me and my heart broke all over again when I realized it was from him holding in tears. “Cullen…” I began again and he cut me off.

“Why did you leave me? You just left me?” He said, barely holding in the sobs.

“I’m sorry,” I offered as a pathetic excuse for an explanation of what I had done. I didn’t deserve this man. George was right about that.

“I know what George said but I know you weren’t with me for my money Kenna,” he whispered after clearing his throat. I stepped forward and shut the front door behind me with a click.

“I know. I shouldn’t have left the way I did but I thought maybe he was right. Maybe you would have me as a kept woman and I would eventually bleed your money dry. I don’t want to be known as a gold digger. You knew right from the start I had these fears that our lives just wouldn’t work together and the dinner with your brother confirmed my feelings,”

“Fuck that Kenna. That is a bullshit fucking excuse and you know it. You never even tried to let me in and you ran the first chance you got,” he growled looking more broken then I could have ever imagined.

“You didn’t freely let me in either so fuck you! And all I saw from you was glitz and glamour so of course I wasn’t overly excited about saying guess what my dad’s in jail, my mum's an ex-addict, we grew up on government handouts and I live in a shitty studio apartment drinking cheap coffee that should be illegal, all so I can strive for a better life but chances of it happening are slim to none!” I burst out and felt tears slide down my reddened cheeks. He went to reach for me then dropped his hand.

“I wanted to look after you. I wanted to help you. Do you really think I was naive in thinking your life in New York was any different then what it was? You lived on your own, you never went out and you were freshly working at the sex club. Girls like you don’t just work there for fun.”

“I don’t want you to just look after me though. I want you to love me. All of me,” I waved my hands around at the house and yard to emphasize my point.

“I do love you. Which is crazy since we have only known each other for such a short time. But it has to be love if I instantly wanted to spend every waking moment with you. But you never gave me a chance,” he said quietly.

“The things George said though,” I muttered.

“Can we sit down Kenna?” He gestured to the front steps. I nodded my head and stepped over to them, having to brush past Cullen to sit down. Skimming his skin was torture. There was a crackling of electric energy and longing to be held in those strong arms once more. Cullen must have felt it too because he tensed and snapped his eyes to mine. We both sat on the top step, side by side, close but carefully not touching. Cullen fidgeted with his hands and then let out a deep breath.

“My parents gave me up when I was a baby. They were junkies and as soon as I was born I was put into state care. I was placed with an elderly couple for my first five years of life and then my adopted mum passed away from a heart attack and my adopted dad was too old to look after me on his own so I went back into state care. Because I was older and had already been adopted, finding a family for me wasn’t as easy so I was put into an orphanage. That’s where I met George. He was only two at the time and had fetal alcohol syndrome. He was an unhappy baby that screamed constantly so every family that took him in ended up giving him back because they couldn’t handle him,” Cullen said quietly. I put my hand over my mouth fighting back tears.

“That is so sad. I am so sorry,” I replied.

“Oh it gets worse. Turns out the woman that managed the orphanage liked to touch little boys. She had been doing it for years and would tell the boys that if they kept it quiet they would get extra pudding after dinner and she would put in a good word to families to get them adopted quicker. Of course, we found out later that was all bullshit and she told families we were horror kids so we would stay in the orphanage as her play toys. She started touching me after I had been there for six months. It sort of just became the way it was, if you know what I mean. Like we all just never mentioned it to each other even though we knew it was happening. But then when George turned three she tried to start with him. Something in me snapped and the day I caught her I screamed at her that I would run away and call the police. She laughed at me and said no one would believe me but said she would leave him alone if she could spend more time with me. Looking back now I wish I was stronger because she was obviously scared I would call the cops if she cut the deal with me,” he murmured looking ahead with a pained look in his eyes.

“You were only a little kid, you can’t think like that,” I reassured him and rubbed his back. It felt good touching him and comforting him.

“Well, either way this went on for a few years and she kept her word and never touched George. She ended up getting cancer and leaving when I was nine and I never saw her again. I am guessing she is well and truly dead by now so maybe that was her karma,” he shrugged but it was a tense shrug. I felt sick to my stomach and the stinging of bile in my throat.

“I am so sorry Cullen. I don’t know what to say. No one should ever go through something like that.”

He leaned his head on mine and sighed.

“Well not that it excuses George’s behavior but he is overly protective of me. He has spent his entire adulthood feeling like he owes me. I have never had a girlfriend before so he freaked out.”

“What do you mean you have never had a girlfriend before? You are thirty-eight,” I said, feeling shocked.

“I told you psychologists have the most twisted minds and I wasn’t kidding. George and I moved from England to America, I studied and worked in psychology hoping I can help others that are struggling with trauma. But in my free time I got deeper and deeper into dom and submissive role play. The dark part of me liked causing pain to women because it made me feel like I was gaining some power back that I had lost in my childhood.”

“Liked?” I raised an eyebrow to him.

“You are my one and only vanilla relationship,” he stated.

“Vanilla? Fucking hell, how un-vanilla did you go?” I questioned.

“Oh Kenna, you really don’t want to know. But that is behind me now. It serves me no purpose. With you I had more and more is all I will ever crave now,”

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