Page 32 of Knockout

“You have no clue how strong you are, Rox.” He reached over and covered her hand with his. “You were strong for me when I had nothing and needed to hold on to something.” He forced himself to squeeze her hand gently and then let go.

She didn’t flat out disagree with him, but she didn’t necessarily agree either.

Actually, that wasn’t a bad idea. Maybe the K-9 division needed a sergeant.

“We don’t know what the future is going to hold.” Might as well break his news. She was about the only person he could tell without it being something that affected her as well. “They’re disbanding the full-time SWAT team in Benson. My lieutenant already got shifted over to float between departments. He’ll have a command soon, probably with narcotics or robbery homicide. We’re down to three guys, and we should be adding more, but instead they decided to cut the budget and put us all in different departments until we’re called out together.”

“Breaking up the band.”

“It’s been more like a family.” A lump rose in his throat. “One I didn’t know I needed.”

With one brother in Alaska and the other busy with his family, that left his mom. Not the same as having his dad here as well. He’d needed the brotherhood of SWAT after leaving the Marine Corps, which had felt like he’d had a limb cut off.

“You’re worried about Blake and Jasper?”

“They’ll be fine.” He blew out a breath and shook his head. “I need to tell them, though. It’s not fair to hide it any longer when they should be answering calls about open positions. I don’t know why I can’t just say it out loud.”

“Because it hurts.”

It really did. “I liked what we had, but then Dakota got in trouble with pain meds. We had to suffer through losing him. Gage—Lieutenant DeLuca—met Clare, and that wasn’t easy for them, but they have each other now.”

“She’s great.” Roxie smiled. “I love them together.”

Liam did as well. “They… They just fit in a way that’s unbelievable.” And it made him want the same thing.

For years, he’d assumed that would be with Anne—Roxie. Then it had all fallen apart. He’d lost faith in almost everything, what with losing his dad the way he had and then losing her. He’d been struggling with faith ever since, figuring God probably forgot about him as well. Why else would it seem like He hadn’t given Liam anything he wanted?

Even though his Christian life wasn’t all about what God could give him, he’d been waiting for God’s plan to show up for far too long.

“I need that.” She exhaled a sigh. “With a dog. But I’m going to outlive it, so even if it grows to old age, I still have to lose it eventually.”

Liam scratched his chin and tried not to laugh. He’d been thinking about waiting for God to bring him the love he wanted in a wife, and she was thinking about a dog? He nearly chuckled aloud. He managed to say, “No one says you have to have a dog of your own. You could still work with Mitchell’s, right? Work with the dogs but not take one home. Or volunteer with dogs. Be a foster dog mom, or a dog sitter on that app where you watch dogs while people are on vacation. There are lots of options.”

“I can’t do a lot of those things. Not with my life the way it is right now.” She swallowed. “I don’t like it when they’re in danger. I can’t put a dog through that.”

“But with Mitchell’s training center, it’s like having a company car versus your own vehicle, right?”

She frowned at him. “Sure, except that it’s a living being that requires care and attention.”

He shrugged, just trying to lighten the mood. “I like my truck.”

Roxie rolled her eyes so hard she was going to give herself a headache. How could he get her to tell him who it was that had sent the snake? He couldn’t protect her if he had no idea of the threat level. Knowing who it was meant he’d be able to assess that person’s skills. The fact that no one in the military was prepared to bend a little and give him what he needed wasn’t a bad thing—it was correct in terms of protecting her privacy.

But he didn’t like being in the dark.

Roxie said, “I should go see Mitchell. I never really explained why I didn’t come back after I finished training. And I haven’t returned any of Tessa’s calls.” She winced. “I’ve been a bad friend. They did a lot to help me with…” She caught herself and stopped talking.

Liam pressed his lips together rather than jump on that. She seemed so skittish sometimes, then strong a second later. He had to tread carefully. “I’d like to know what happened.”

“I know.”

“Not just so I can protect you.” She had to know there was more to it than that. “But because you’re here for a reason, same as me.”

“To protect Destiny?”

Of course, she’d like to think that, but he shook his head. “You know it’s not that. It’s us.”

“Because it’s always been us.” She sounded almost broken. She shifted on the couch and turned to him. “And then it turned bad, like everything in my life.”

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