Page 54 of Hold On

“Am I stepping across a minefield?”

“Yes.”

“Did you have friends inside?” Ren asked.

From one minefield to another. “No.”

“Because it wasn’t possible or because you didn’t want them?”

“I learned very quickly to have faith in no one. No matter what they said, no matter how they behaved, they were only out for themselves, looking for ways to use me to get what they wanted. I hadn’t been that sort of person. I was kind because my parents weren’t. I’d put Col first—always. But once I understood what I needed to do to survive inside, I withdrew into myself and tried to stay under the radar. It was important not to stand out for any reason, whether for behaving or not. All I needed to do was keep out of trouble for six years.” He gave a heavy sigh. “Despite what I’d done, I wasn’t a bad kid. I thought it would be easy. Six years… School of a sorts in the YOI. Release in my early twenties… I was strong enough. I could do that. I hadn’t counted on others wanting to stop me.”

“Are you still on medication?”

Where had that come from? You think I’m a psycho?Dominic felt a surge of worry until he reminded himself that Ren knew nothing about him other that what he’d told him, or perhaps what he’d read. Being locked up in Marsden implied a sick mind, a level of abnormality that required serious treatment.

“Did they diagnose you with something?” Ren asked. “I read you can’t be admitted to a high security psychiatric hospital unless you have a mental illness confirmed by two independent doctors.”

Been on Google?“They had a lot of theories. PTSD which brought on schizophrenia. Psychosis. Personality disorder. And yes, I was taking medication.”

Ren leaned up on his elbow. “Was?”

“I’m supposed to be taking it.”See! I’m trusting you!“I don’t need it. I did, at times.” Though not as much as they thought. “But I don’t need it now.”

He could almost see Ren deciding whether or not to challenge him about that. Finally, Ren settled on his back. “Okay. I guess you know what you need. I was on opioids for a while. Enough of me was broken that I didn’t care what they pumped into me. I just wanted the pain to go away. Then it was less about pain and more about peace, which was when the doctors began to wean me off the drugs. I fought that. Luckily for me, I didn’t win.”

“Will you tell me what happened to you?” Dominic wondered if he would.

Just when he’d thought Ren wasn’t going to say anything, he spoke. “I was attacked.” Ren released a shaky breath. “You could guess that when I have a chest that looks like mine.”

“Stab wounds?”

Ren nodded. “I was beaten up so badly I almost didn’t survive. My legs, one arm, ribs and pelvis broken. Skull fractured—not seriously. Punctured lung. My spleen was removed. I had a pulmonary embolism. I was told I died twice but they managed to revive me. I don’t remember seeing any beckoning lights. Though I’m probably destined to go down, not up. I’m still supposed to be taking it easy. I’m still convalescing. Not limping now but it was hard work to get to that point. I… There was something else. I…”

Dominic could see Ren was struggling.

“I was raped,” Ren blurted. “Fuck! That was hard to say.” For a long moment he held his hand over his mouth, as if he either couldn’t believe he’d said it or maybe wished he hadn’t.

Dominic reached out, moved Ren’s hand from his mouth and held it firmly.

Ren took a deep breath. “Raped, beaten, stabbed.”

“When did it happen?”

“Six months ago.”

Dominic swallowed hard. “Do you know the person who did it?”

“Yes.”

“Do the police know?”

Ren opened his mouth, then closed it again. “Sort of.”

Oh God.It was a stark reminder to Dominic that he wasn’t the only one with issues.

“Don’t tell my brother,” Ren said. “He knows I was attacked, but not about the rape. I didn’t let him or my parents see me until I was on the mend.”

Dominic was glad Ren trusted him enough to tell him. Except he felt guilty that Ren’s confession had made him feel…better. Wrong word but it let him concentrate on the fact that he and Ren were lying side by side in the sun, holding hands, and even though life had been bad for them both, at the moment, it was good and hopeful, and almost everything Dominic hoped it could be. Even if the future was uncertain.

---