Page 40 of Hold On

Dominic exhaled.

“That didn’t sound as if you believe me.”

“I wish I could but trust is something I haven’t got to grips with. Yet. I know you’re shocked. I wish it wasn’t part of me, but it is. If we ended up involved with each other, it would have been even harder to tell you, felt like more of a betrayal.”

Ren nodded, guilt biting harder now.

“You’re the first person I’ve talked to in a long time who didn’t know anything about me. I was just another guy to you, and today was the best day…” He swallowed hard, clearly trying to keep his emotions in check, which made Ren feel even worse. “Anyway, I made the decision that I should be honest. Whether or not it was the right decision, it’s done. Don’t say anything now. Please. Just think about what I’ve said.”

He pushed to his feet and walked away, and Ren let him go without saying a word. He dropped back onto the grass and looked up into the sky. How to turn a bright day into a dark one. He wished Dominic hadn’t told him and yet he understood why he had. Not that it meant Ren could get his head around it.Christ!It must have been hard for Dominic to tell him, to trust him. Well, he probably didn’t trust him. He shouldn’t, but he could on this. It wasn’t as if Ren was without secrets.

They had more in common than Dominic could ever know, except Ren’s secrets had to stay secret. If he opened his mouth, he’d be going against everything he’d been told. Undercover police officers wouldn’t stay undercover for long if they opened their mouths. He gave a sort of laugh that quickly turned into a groan.

Forget his own mess. What a fucked-up shitty life for Dominic. Bad enough that he had to put up with parents from hell, but to be locked away for sixteen years from everything Ren had taken for granted? Had Dominic ever swum in the sea before? Had a picnic on a beach? Held a guy’s hand?Fuck!No wonder he hadn’t wanted the police to be called after Ren had knocked him over. Dominic might be out of prison, but his life was still controlled by his past and would be forever.

Was murder the worst crime of all? He wasn’t sure. If Dominic had been a serial rapist or a paedophile…then there was no way back as far as Ren was concerned. But to kill the people who were planning to abuse your brother? It was wrong, of course it was, but… There was abut.Not black or white, but grey as a lot of crimes were.

Dominic had served more than his time. Ren believed what he’d told him about the Turkish guy, how truth had disappeared under lies. He could see exactly how that could happen. Dominic deserved a second chance, but it wasn’t going to be easy for him.He was brave to tellme.And Renwasglad he’d told him now and not later, glad that Dominic had seen there might be something between them because there was.

Still?Even with the secrets Ren couldn’t tell?

Yes.

Even with my fucked-up head?

Yes.

And Ren should have told him that, not let him walk away thinking he was horrified. He was, but notthathorrified. And now Dominic had opened up to him, maybe Ren should think about doing the same. The idea that they’d help each other didn’t escape him.

I’ll think about it.

He pushed to his feet and went after him.

Except Dominic had vanished. Ren wandered all over the gardens, even into the hidden garden. In the end, he did what he should have probably done first, rang the bell at Col and Theo’s.

Col opened the door. “Hi.”

“Is Dominic here?”

“He was with you.”

“He just told me what he did and why.”

Col gulped. “And?”

“I took too long to get my head around it and I can’t find him.”

“Shit.” Col fumbled with his phone, his fingers shaking. “Hi.”

Ren could see Col’s relief when Dominic answered.

“You okay? … Where are you? … Right. Want some company? … All right. Yes. Fine. See you later.” He ended the call. “He’s okay. He’s just walking.”

“Can I have his number?”

“It’s not up to me to give it to you. Ask him for it.”

Ren sucked in his cheeks. “I don’t know where he is.”

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