“So, you should really start your collection,” she said, visibly cheering up.
“My collection?”
“Your cat collection. If you’re going to continue to be a stubborn celibate, you might as well start adopting cats. The kittens are available. You could give one a good home. Or two or three,” she urged.
“You. Are crazy,” I said, rolling my eyes. I flagged down a waitress and ordered a veggie burger with extra mushrooms, fruit salad and lemonade. I munched on my melon chunks and pineapple while I waited on my sandwich. “Zumba was great. Frieda sounds like she’ll come back next week. I had sixteen seniors tonight!”
“That’s terrific. I mean, if you like that kind of thing. Which you do, otherwise you would’ve majored in something normal.”
“Like business?”
“Exactly. Practically every guy I met was a business major and they all just work at cell phone stores and stuff.”
“I can work retail without a degree. I want to teach fitness classes and do personal training and help people heal their relationship with their bodies.”
“I know. And that’s great. Except I don’t see what bouncing up and down with old people twice a week has to do with that. What if their false teeth pop out while they’re busting a move?” she snort-laughed.
“That has never happened. Not once.”
“What about—other stuff?”
“Well, nobody’s had an artificial hip pop out or anything. One guy’s toupee flopped off when he leaned forward, like the tape didn’t hold, but he pushed it back down. He looked around like, did anyone see that? And everyone saw it obviously.”
“That is…depressingly what I think the dating scene is going to look like in ten years when you finally decide you want a boyfriend. And do not tell me you have to focus on school. You’re almost done. Besides, nowhere in the student handbook did it say you had to devote your life to your studies and neglect self-care.”
“Self-care is like having a massage.”
“That’s only if all your basic needs are met. Sex is a basic need.”
“Maybe for you. I’m not built like that, okay? You’ve known me all my life. When have you ever known me to just hook up?”
“Zero times, which is my point. You think you have to be in love to sleep with a guy.”
“What’s wrong with being in love? Taking it seriously?”
“Nothing if you want to go literalyearswithout having any sex!”
“The right guy is worth waiting for. Besides, I was with Jeremiah for nearly a year. We had plenty of sex.”
“Plenty. Define plenty?” she challenged. My burger arrived, and I took a big bite of it.
“Like, at least once a week most of the time,” I said.
“Once a week? That must’ve been some really crappy sex,” she mused, eating a fry.
“No, it was good,” I insisted.
She raised an eyebrow at me.
“You look like the bad guy in a cartoon when you do that,” I said.
“I know. It’s part of my mystique,” she replied, deadpan. “As far as I’m aware, you’ve slept with, what? Three guys, counting your high school boyfriend?”
“Okay, so there were three. Let’s change the subject,” I said.
“How were classes?”
“I think they’re pretty good. When I went over the syllabi—",