Page 22 of Falling for Leanne

“If what? He’s gay?”

“No. If he’s not interested because I'm younger or a student or what? Don’t you think he gets girls falling all over him every semester? Trying to get his personal number and sending him pics and stuff? But he didn’t seem super interested in me at all.”

“Maybe he has a hang-up about the student-professor thing and how it’s against the rules. Or maybe you’re right and he’s not into you because you’re not his type. His type is really stupid, ugly bitches. Because those are the only two possible reasons a single straight man would not be interested in you.”

“I knew you were my bestie for a reason,” I said. “I’m mortified that I almost kissed him and acted really obvious and awkward about how attracted I am to him.”

“Wait--you’re embarrassed that you’re human and experience physical attraction?”

“No,” I admitted. “I’m probably overreacting.”

“You? Never!” she said sarcastically.

“It’s possible that he doesn’t hate me, but he probably feels sorry for me, like ‘that dumb student thinks I would be attracted to her.’”

“One, you’re not dumb. Two, if he feels sorry for you because you wanted to kiss him then he has some self-esteem crap he needs to deal with in therapy...not your problem.”

“It’s not self-esteem. The guy is so confident and so at ease with himself---”

“BDE?”

“100%,” I sighed wistfully and then shook my head at myself.

“Look, I'm your friend and I love you. But you’ve got to get some. You’re going to shrivel up and you might as well come down to the shelter and get a cat or three.”

CHAPTER14

AARON

“Famous last words,” my sister had said, giving me a look that said she thought she knew how it was going to end.

I had told Cory about almost kissing Leanne. She had just laughed and said I should have gone for it. When I told her that Leanne was my student and worked for me at the gym as an intern, she shrugged.

“So what? You’re not harassing her. She has free will and if she’s not into you, she’ll say so. Besides, look at how it worked out for Kyle and—literally every other person you know, I think!”

“Kyle deserves to be happy. They all do. It’s not something I'm comfortable with for myself—falling for a student. It’s wrong. The balance of power there is messed up, and the age difference--”

“So, you’re either judging all your friends or you’re chicken shit,” Cory said.

I laughed in spite of myself, because Cory could do that, make me laugh at myself by saying the true thing even if she’s really rude in the process.

“I’ve climbed volcanoes. I don’t think you’re qualified to call me chicken shit,” I teased.

“Yeah, but the volcanos weren’tromantic.You’re scared of women or a real relationship or something. Because you can’t fail. If you fail, you’re doomed and we all get struck dead in the middle of the day because Aaron Parks has fallen from grace and is proven to be a mere mortal like the rest of us. All our belief systems will be shattered, and we all die from disappointment in you. Billions of earthlings, dead. Because you were not perfect. I say, definitely don’t risk it,” she said wryly.

I rolled my eyes at her pretty thoroughly and then took a drink. Yeah, beer, even good cold beer, did nothing to ease the weight she just dumped on my shoulders. The fact that she saw through my bullshit, that was the one really annoying thing about her. She wasn’t easily fooled by my bravado, my smokescreen of having it all together and being perfectly content to live my life as a bachelor. Cory knew me too well. She wasn’t about to let me get away with pushing someone away who I might have a connection with just because I was afraid of what people would think or say about it.

That was my secret—for all my confidence, my accomplishments, I did care what people thought. If I was considered to be a good man, to have integrity and help my community and act like a decent person. If I seemed like a predator who was trying to seduce college students, then it tarnished the idea I had of who I am, and it made my reputation in the exercise physiology community and the university into a sleazeball who hooked up with anything in Lycra shorts.

“Look at you,” she said, her heart-shaped face so serious all at once, “you’ve done so much. Not just for me, but so much with your life in such a short time. I’m proud of you. You know that, right? That a big part of the reason I’m doing okay now is because I have you and I want to make you as proud of me as I am of you.”

I felt a flood of emotion threaten to crush my chest. I didn’t clear my throat or brush it aside. My sister, my brave, hilarious, amazing little sister who had fought her way back from hell, deserved to know how much she meant to me and how her words touched me. I nodded.

“I am so proud of you, Cory. Every damn day I’m proud of you and who

you’ve become already. You had a lot tougher road to travel than I have, and you’ve come through like a fucking warrior. You’ve had such an impact on the way I see things, and I can truly say the things I've done that I'm the proudest of are the ones we worked on together, the inclusive spaces, the wellness and fitness projects at the community center and the free counseling place. The way I've learned about yoga and meditation and how learning to appreciate your body as it is can be the most powerful thing about exercise. I didn’t know any of that from a university class, Cor. That was all you, teaching me.”

“More like a baptism by fire,” she said, brushing away tears. “I love you, big brother.”

---